And then there’s Wes, none of this is fair to him. I care about him, I want to want a future with him, but Bryce being back . . . complicates things.
It’s not simply raining on my parade, it’s an entire ecosystem failure.
Julie: Want to go out tonight? I’m off and I need vodka.
Vodka sounds like a great idea.
Me: Yes. Where?
Julie: How about we go to Rich’s pub? Low-key and you know we can get a sucker to buy us drinks.
Me: Perfect.
I have two missed calls from Westin, but I don’t feel like talking to him. Right now, I want some space from my life. Westin, Bryce, Allison, the trial, my worthless brother, and everything else can disappear for a night. Monday starts the actual distribution of the chemo, and I decide I deserve a weekend for just me.
The next few hours pass with a text from Westin that goes unanswered, and I don’t even have the energy to give a shit right now. The last thing I need is to say something stupid and really screw up things. Usually on our weekends off, we spend them together, but there’s nothing left inside of me to pretend today.
I walk down to Rich’s, needing the atmosphere that always grounds me. It’s a hole in the wall place, but the bartender is generous with the alcohol, and it’s cheap. When you’re a broke med student, cheap is your favorite word. But it’s become so much more than a dive bar. It’s my favorite place for advice I don’t ask for, and it has the best burgers in Chicago.
“Hey!” Julie smiles and pulls me in for a hug. “You look like you need a drink.”
“I do.”
She smirks. “Good. Let’s get drunk and you can tell me all your problems.”
There’s not a chance of that, but the drunk part sounds good.
We hook arms and enter.
“Trouble one and two are here,” Rich, the owner, yells as he slaps the bar top.
“What a welcome,” Julie laughs. “I knew you missed us.”
Rich comes around, hugs us both and then wipes two barstools. “Sit, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
Rich is a character. He’s probably pushing seventy now, but you’d never know it from the way he moves around. He and his wife bought this place when they were in their twenties and have survived through it all. Each patron that walks in becomes family, and he loves his family.
It’s what keeps those who come through the doors returning over and over again.
“So, what’s new with my girls?” Rich asks.
“Ren started her clinical trial,” Jules says.
“You did?” The pride in his eyes is humbling. He’s almost like a second father to me.
I nod. “Yeah, Monday it really starts, but all the preliminary stuff is done,” I explain.
“Well,” he grins. “I’ll be damned. I knew you two were going to change the world the first time I saw you both.”
He’s so full of shit. We were two doe-eyed med students the first time we stumbled in here. I had moved back here to help with my mother, lost Bryce, and was trying desperately to pretend I was okay. I was drinking more than I should have, and sleeping with as many guys as I could to feel anything but my longing for Bryce.
“He lies.” Julie rolls her eyes.
“I do not.” Rich puts his hands on his hips. “I knew you two were going to do great things. Just took you both a little while to realize it.”
“I’m glad someone knew we were special,” I giggle.
“You’re special, all right,” Rich says with sarcasm. “What are you troublemakers drinking tonight?”
Julie and I look at each other and answer. “Vodka.”
After a few martinis, I’m pretty damn numb. I don’t care so much about all the shit in my life. Julie rests her head on the bar and spins her glass.
“Rem-member when we drank lots of these?” she stammers.
I laugh as my head drops back, causing hair to sway. It feels funny. “I ’member.”
My phone dings with a text.
“Ugh,” I groan. “Westin again.”
Westin: I don’t know where you are, but you said you’d be home by five. It’s late and I’m worried that you’re not okay.
Me: I’m fine. Just hanging with Jules.
Westin: Okay then.
“What does he want?” Julie asks.
“More.”
“More is less,” she giggles. “More is never happening with you.”
“More sucks,” I respond. “You know why you don’t give more? Because you give more and then they want more of more,” I ramble. “I’m tired of it. I won’t give nothing anymore.”
Julie lifts her head, slaps the wood, and straightens her back. “Yes. Give nothing because men don’t give us enough.”
“Yes!” I agree.
“I think you’re an idiot, though,” she shrugs.
Why am I an idiot? I’m the one who started this revolution of how stupid giving more is.
“What the hell?” I ask feeling miffed.
Julie raises her glass toward Rich, indicating we need more. “Because Westin is more than any of us will ever get.”
“Westin is not perfect.”
He has flaws and people need to understand that. I’m so tired of hearing how great he is because sometimes, he’s not. When he loses a patient, he’s a dick. When he can’t figure out a way to fix something, he’s awful. When he doesn’t get his way, he’s a big-ass baby.
He’s a man.
I know he’s great in so many ways, but he’s also a showman. The good impression he makes is carefully orchestrated. Westin wants to be the Chief of Surgery. He’s playing a game and we’re all the pawns. Anyone that doesn’t see that is blind.
“I never said he was,” she clarifies.
Didn’t she? “Why do you keep bringing this up? It’s the second time in a few days.”
Julie shifts to face me. “Don’t tell me you don’t hear the rumors about the women wanting to take your place, Ren. He may not be perfect, but he’s pretty damn close.”
“You don’t know everything. He’s got ambitions and if you think he won’t step on all of us to get there, you’re crazy.”
She sways in her seat a little and puts her head back down. “Like either of us wouldn’t if we had the chance?”
“I’d like to think I wouldn’t step on my friends to get to the top,” I say, because I want to earn the title of chief, not politic my way to that seat. Which will probably be why I never get it.
Julie laughs once. “You would and neither would Wes. He may have aspirations and goals, but he’s not an asshole. He wants to get it the same way that we do.”
Wes isn’t that way. He’s kind and she’s right. He wouldn’t purposely destroy anyone to reach his goals. “True. So that leaves you. And we all know that you couldn’t hurt anyone,” I reply. “You’re too damn nice.”