“Sure, she can, but I know bullshit when I hear it. I’ve been around a long time and you’re not very good at lying anyway.”
Nothing gets by Mick Adams.
“You’re so pushy.”
We start to head back to the barn a few feet away. Dad has this way of making you feel like he’s telling you everything you need to hear in the silence. While no words are exchanged, there’s much being said. He waits with his hand on the door.
“Well?”
I internally groan. “Why do you think there’s anything? Why can’t it be what I said?”
“Because I know you, baby girl. I also know you don’t come visit your old man unless something is making your head all jumbled and you need to flee. And it’s usually a boy. You’ve also always been an easy read.”
I huff, “Gee, thanks.”
Easy read, my ass. I fled because people suck and I’m in a no-win situation. I don’t flee because of boys. Well, okay, just the once—and then maybe a little this time. Whatever.
He guides me to the couch that’s sat there since as long as I can remember. It’s dingy and smells like fuel, but it’s home.
My father crouches down, lifts my chin, and tells me more with his eyes than I want to hear. “Out with it.”
It’s time to tell him, and pray he doesn’t fly off the handle.
“Fine. If you really want to know, I’ll tell you. It’s Bryce,” I say the name, bracing for impact.
“What about Bryce?” My father’s tone is razor sharp. He’s never hidden his feelings about Bryce.
“He’s back.”
Daddy doesn’t say a word. He sits like a statue as I wait for him to speak. “Ren, you can’t . . .” He looks away. “You can’t even think about going near him.”
“His wife is dying,” I tell him and watch the pain lance through his eyes. “He didn’t know I’d be her doctor. I didn’t know she was his wife when I accepted her in the trial. But, it’s not like there’s an option of avoiding him if I’m treating her.”
“He’ll drag you back down. You’ll be worse than last time. You can’t treat her, it’ll kill you.”
“Not this time.”
Daddy doesn’t say a word. He sits like a statue as I wait for him to speak. “Ren, I’ve never liked the man.”
“I know.”
“He broke your heart. He made you cry for weeks. I thought you were going to kill yourself at one point.” My father stands and grips the back of his neck. “I’m telling you, being around that man is going to destroy you.”
“I won’t let it.” I shake my head. “I won’t let it get that far again, and things are different because he’s married. That’s a line I would never cross.”
“That’s what you think now. But do you really think you can stop your heart from feeling? Do you think you’re strong enough to battle this? Because I promise you, darling, you and Bryce are unfinished business,” Daddy pauses, giving that a minute to sink in. “Can you tell me that seeing him didn’t mess your head up enough to take a drive out here?”
Lying to him is futile. He knows it’s not something I can do. Not because he is so vehement about being dishonest, but because I respect him more than anything. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“No. It’s not, Serenity. All a man has is his word. If he breaks it once, he’ll do it again. He told you he loved you and would marry you, and then, when things got tough . . . he disappeared.”
Tears threaten behind my eyes. “I’m so confused.”
Dad inches closer and gives me the answer I came for. “Walk away.”
Only, I don’t want to be the woman who destroys someone else’s life. Allison needs help as much as the other patients in the trial. Sure, there’s a part of me I buried long ago that is being resurrected right now, but I can handle it, right?
I’m not that girl anymore. The one who was idealistic about love and happiness. I didn’t know true loss like I do now.
God, I’m so conflicted about what to do.
“Would you let Mom go without treatment that could change her life?”
“Ren . . .” his voice is full of warning. “You can’t compare that.”
“I can, because if I don’t treat her, she loses. He married her and loves her. I know the stakes, Dad. I’m not that same girl who lost it years ago. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. He can’t hurt me. I know the rules.”
“Emotions don’t play by the rules.”
“Neither do you.” I smirk, hoping he’ll let this drop now.
He laughs and nods. He knows I’m right. I don’t think the man has ever played fair. He fights hard, loves harder, and is the most honorable person I know. “Rules were never my thing. It seems you’re more like your old man than I hoped. If you were like your mother, you’d do the right thing.”
“Mom wouldn’t want me to let someone innocent suffer. She’d push me to be stronger than I think I am. If this woman was anyone else, I’d have no issue with treating her. But because seventeen years ago I fell in love with her husband, now she can’t have a chance? It’s not right.”
Daddy places his hand on my leg. “Your mother was too sweet for her own good. I just hope it’s not your life that’s ruined. You are strong, I know that, but you have a bleeding heart, exactly like her, and that gets you in trouble. I think it’s telling, based on how you live your life.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re a fantastic doctor. You let people come and go without an attachment. You live alone and your boyfriend of the last two years has never met a single person in your life other than people you work with. You’ve closed yourself off from any chance of loving and losing. We both know that when you love, you don’t hold back.”
I don’t want to hear any more. He, of all people, should understand why I’ve lived this way. He lives up in this run-down house in the middle of nowhere with my brother. His friends who once swarmed this garage aren’t around anymore. When Mom died, so did he.
“Are we done for now?” I ask. I came here for clarity but that’s the last thing I feel right now. I need to stop with this conversation before I say something I’ll regret.
Dad looks at me for a minute and lets out a deep breath. “Why don’t you come help me with this alternator since your brother is no help these days?” My father’s arm wraps around my shoulder as we head into the bay.
Which reminds me, we need to talk about their living conditions. “Daddy, the house . . .”
“You were up there?”
The shame in my father’s eyes brings me to my knees. The last thing I ever want to see is his pain. At the same time, this is completely unacceptable. My brother is clearly too inept to handle running the house, but being a doctor and living just over an hour away doesn’t put me in the best position to pitch in.
“Yes,” I pause and he looks away. “Where’s the service I set up to clean the house?”
“I fired them.”
“Dad! Why?”