Looks like closure has to wait.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Peyton.” The formality sounds foreign coming from my lips. He’s Bryce. My Bryce. The one who I met in a run-down bar like this one what feels like a million years ago, but he’s not mine anymore.
Chapter 12
Knock, knock, knock.
I really need an IV to cure this hangover. Vodka is not my friend today. No, today I hate vodka and all the promises it made about how much better I’d feel if I drank it. I do not feel better. Instead, I have a splitting headache and I’ve spent a few hours in front of the toilet.
“Ren?”
My head falls back. I groan when I realize who it is, and I rest my hand on the door. I don’t have the energy for today. I wanted to spend today in bed, hating my life and enjoying a little pity party I was going to attend.
“Ren, I saw your car,” Westin’s voice says from the other side of the door.
I twist the lock and unhook the chain, knowing I need to deal with this now. Westin deserves better from me.
“Hey,” I croak, clear my throat, and try to smile.
“Are you sick?” he asks with concern lacing his voice.
I shake my head. “No, Julie and I went to Rich’s bar.”
He smirks. “You blew me off for that?”
“I didn’t blow you off, Wes. Or, I didn’t mean to. Either way, please know I’m being thoroughly punished for my sins.”
“Since last night was a bust, I’m stealing you for the day,” he informs me. “Go get dressed, we’re going out.”
I look at him with my brows raised. “I’m sorry, what?”
He takes my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom. “Get ready, Ren. Don’t fight me, just listen for once.”
I stop walking, cross my arms over my chest, and fight back a smile. “What are you up to, Westin Grant?”
Our eyes are locked, and he moves close, his strong arm hooking around my back, and pulling me in so we’re flush against each other. “I’m doing what I should’ve done a long time ago,” he says, watching my reaction. “I’m not going to let you drive the car anymore, Serenity. I want more and I’m tired of waiting for you to be ready.”
I gasp as the fire burns in his gaze. “What if I’m not ready now?”
His lips turn into a sinful smile. “Then I guess I’ll have to make you ready.”
If this were a week ago, I would’ve been thrilled at this take-charge kind of change in him. I might not have been on board right away, but I wouldn’t feel as though I was being pulled apart. Now, though, I’m at war with the girl I was and the woman I want to be. I think about what it was like to let a man run my world, and how that ended. My heart is irrational and it’s torn. I remember the way it was for me a long time ago with Bryce, and even though I can’t have it, I crave the closeness and love I felt.
Westin must see the hesitation, because he doesn’t allow me the time to let it grow. Within a second, his lips fuse to mine. The force of the kiss knocks me off my feet and he slams my back into the wall. His body molds to mine and I’m completely lost to him.
My tongue slides against his, feeling the dominance radiating from him. I moan into his mouth as his hands roam my body. Westin knows how to please me. He moves his fingers down to my core, pressing in exactly the right spot.
I would much rather get undressed right now than go wherever he’s planning to take me.
“Westin,” I groan. “Bed. Now.”
He moves his lips to my neck, kissing his way back to my lips. “Not until we go on our date.”
That’s not fair. I want Westin to do what Westin and I do best and then we can think about the date. I want to forget and he is the one thing that makes the chaos that riots inside of me calm.
I pout and he chuckles. “Not fair.”
“Neither are the games you’ve been playing.”
“I’m not playing games. I’ve been honest from day one that I’m not a relationship girl. I like what we have. I started to think I wanted more, but now I don’t know anymore . . . what if we don’t work out? We would have to work together, see each other daily. I’m scared, Wes. I’m scared of letting you in and then messing up what we have.”
I make myself stop talking, because I am a mess. I’m frustrating, unsure, insecure, and all of that has become clear in the last few days. I have spent the last fourteen years hardening myself to being vulnerable to a man. My work, my family, and my focus have allowed me to survive that way. The fear of opening myself to being hurt again leaves me restless.
He pushes back a little, and his nose flares but his voice stays even. “I know, but I’m asking for one date. One chance to see what it could be like if you let your guard down and open your eyes to what we have. Not this half in and half out shit you’ve been doing. We’re both mature adults. We can handle working together if it fails. We can be friends if this ends, but God, Ren, can you handle walking away?”
Doubt plagues me and I wonder if I’ll regret this moment for the rest of my life. If I say yes, am I giving him hope that doesn’t exist? If I say no, am I willing to lose what I do have with him?
Julie would punch me in the face if she was here.
“No, I can’t, but don’t . . .”
“Don’t say another word, just get dressed and meet me in the living room,” he kisses my lips and walks away.
Damn it. I guess we’re going on our first real date.
Westin takes me to the movies, which I haven’t done in—forever. I seriously think college was the last time I’ve gone to see a movie.
“What are we seeing?” I ask as we get to the cashier.
“You’ll have to wait.” Westin’s arm wraps around my shoulders and my hand rests on his chest. To anyone who walked by, we’d look like a couple, and for right now, we are. It feels . . . nice. There’s no baggage or pretending when I’m with him. I can laugh, be weird, and I don’t have to impress Westin. He’s been around long enough to know my quirks.
He gets two tickets to a horror film and I’m slightly giddy.
Westin buys popcorn, a huge soda, Reese’s Pieces, Starburst, and Whoppers.
“Who is eating all of that?” I ask as he hands me the popcorn.
“We are. We’re going to eat shit food, watch a movie, and pretend for a few hours that our lives aren’t serious all the time.”
I nod once. “Okay then. I can get with this.”
We get to our seats and I sink in, ready for the movie. I’m suddenly overcome with gratitude and regret for being so stupid these last few years. Westin is real, he’s here, and he cares about me.
Comparing what we have to what I had with anyone else isn’t fair. In all honesty, I’m dumb for wanting what I had before. Bryce broke me just as much as he claims I broke him when we lost each other. I don’t want to endure that again.
My hand covers Westin’s, wanting to have some kind of physical connection. His eyes meet mine and my heart begins to race a little. “Thank you for this, Wes.”
“You’re welcome. Today has been long overdue.”
If I gave myself permission to move on, it could happen. Even as crazy as our lives are, we could be happy . . . if I wanted to be. If there’s anyone who’s going to be the one to get through, it’s him.