He really thinks that I would take the medication from someone else to give to another?
“I took Lindsay’s drugs, she was the patient who was dismissed from the trial before it began, but her file hadn’t been removed yet. I switched the numbers,” I explain. “I didn’t take a drug from another patient to give to her. How could you even think I would ever do that? And, I’m not in love with him,” I say as a tear falls. “I love you.”
There was no harm done to another to benefit Allison. To give her the chance I thought she deserved while we tossed aside the actual trial drug that no one would get.
“Oh, please, if you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t have done that.”
“You don’t have to believe me, but it’s the truth!”
I’m watching him pull away with each second, taking a part of me with him. It’s killing me to see him look at me this way. He always respected me at the very least, and it’s clear that’s gone.
Westin’s head shakes and then he runs his hands down his face. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
“That makes two of us. I lost Mrs. Whitley. I lost Allison. I lost myself.”
He moves closer to me as my tears fall. “And you lost me.”
I try to hold it together, but I can’t. A loud, agonizing sob breaks from my chest. I knew it would happen, but hearing it breaks the very last shred of control I have. He touches my cheek, watching the tears fall and then his hand drops.
Westin grabs his bag, the file, and then starts to walk away.
“This is why I didn’t want to love you. This is why I kept you at a distance. I knew if I fell for you, I’d lose you.”
He stops, and his shoulders slump. “I guess we both learned our lesson. I should’ve let you keep pushing me away.” Westin turns back. “Then I wouldn’t feel like I was just stabbed in the heart. No matter what happened, you betrayed me, Serenity. And for that, I’m done.”
Without another word, Westin walks out the door with my heart, leaving me with nothing.
I fell in love again.
I lost him.
And this time, I may never get him back.
I pick up my phone and dial the number of the only person who will never abandon me. It rings twice, and then I croak into the phone. “Daddy, I need you.”
Chapter 28
“How long has she been like this?” I hear a soft voice, maybe Julie’s, ask someone.
“It’s been a day now and she won’t eat, talk, or stay awake for longer than a few minutes,” my father’s deep gravelly voice sounds worried.
“Ren?” Julie sits beside me, pushing my hair back. “Ren, what happened?”
I turn my head to look at her, not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me, since just a few minutes ago, I swear Allison was here.
Sure enough, it’s Julie.
I don’t answer. There’s nothing to say, so I roll back over and close my eyes. I just want to sleep. Sleep is peace, where there are no dreams. I don’t feel the enormous hole in my chest or the pain of knowing I lost everything again.
“Serenity,” Julie tries again.
I continue to ignore her. Westin has probably gone to the board by now. My life, my career, and the man that I love are gone. I don’t feel the need to rehash it. The news will be all around the hospital by the end of the day.
“Okay, I’ll come back when you’re awake,” I hear her sigh in resignation.
She can come back, but I’ll still be like this. When I met Westin, he figured out that I wasn’t whole. And piece by piece, Westin found a way to put me back together. He showed me that I was never really gone, supporting me through times when I didn’t even know he was doing it. All along, he was there, but I was too stupid to see it.
For years I neglected him, and now I’ve really screwed up. The fact that I changed the trial drug would have changed everything if I had been able to tell him that night, but it still would’ve been better than this.
Now, there’s no going back.
Julie and my father talk a little in the other room, far enough away that I can’t make out what they’re saying, but I hear their voices.
It’s too much energy to focus, so I grab the shirt Westin left behind, clutch it to my chest, and drift back to sleep.
“You have to eat.” My father is standing in front of me as I try to head back to my bedroom.
“I’m not hungry.”
“This isn’t normal, Serenity. You need to tell me what happened.” He cups my face. “Please.”
My father looks like he’s ready to fall apart, and guilt assaults me again. Will I ever stop hurting the people I love? He came, even though I couldn’t say why I needed him. He got in a car, drove to the city he hates, and has been here for three days. Daddy hasn’t pushed me much, but I’ve basically become a shell of a person.
I can’t eat. The smell of food makes me nauseous. I just lie in my bed, looking at the wall, and wallowing in my self-pity.
It’s ridiculous, I know, but I have nothing.
“I fucked up, Dad. I lost everything!” Yelling at him takes energy from my already drained body, and I start to sag. “Just . . . I need to sleep.”
“No, you need to start talking and go back to work.” He stands in front of me with his arms crossed. “Where is Westin?”
I look away, unwilling to see whatever emotion he displays. “Gone.”
“A man like him doesn’t walk away willingly,” he ponders. “What happened?”
No, guys like him don’t, but a woman like me forced his hand. I can’t do this right now. I know I’m being unreasonable, but for my entire life, I’ve held it together and I can’t anymore.
My father stands there, waiting for an answer. “I broke his heart.”
He purses his lips and nods. “And then you just gave up?”
I let out a half-laugh. “No. There’s no way to change what I did.”
“You cheated on him?”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s not like that.”
“I’m going out on a limb and going to assume it has something to do with Bryce Peyton being back in your life,” he challenges.
I’d love to blame him, but it’s not Bryce’s fault that I lied to Westin. It’s not Bryce’s fault that I changed the medication. Those were my choices.
“No, Dad. This time it wasn’t because of Bryce. It was my choices that made Westin leave. I did this.” I push past him and curl up on the bed.
An hour later I hear people talking again. Why the hell is everyone coming here? Who cares that I’m sad and broken? Why can’t people allow me a few days of sulking?
I climb out of bed to slam the door, but the voice halts me.
“I understand, Mick, but her phone is off and she needs to come into the hospital this week,” Westin’s voice fills the room. “Just tell her, please.”
For the first time in days, my heart starts to beat again. I grip the door handle, not wanting anyone to hear me and him leave. He came, maybe . . . maybe nothing, the hope that began to fill me deflates.
“Son, I just want to know what is going on.”