Westin pauses. “It’s up to her to talk to you about it.”
“She won’t get out of bed,” Daddy tells him. “She won’t talk to anyone or eat. I’ve never seen her like this.” I hear the worry in my father’s voice. “Even when her mother died, she was the strong one. I’m asking you to just talk to her.”
I hear a sigh and I peek around the door to see him with his head down. “I wish I could, but I can’t right now.”
And the hope is gone, just as it should be.
“Do you love her?” my father questions.
“It’s not about love, Mick.”
My father shakes his head. “Love is all that matters. It’s worth it if she’s the right girl for you.”
Westin closes his eyes and takes a step back. When he disappears from view, I know that he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve hurt him, and there’s no coming back. “Just tell her she needs to come in. It’s important.”
“All right,” Daddy resigns himself. “I’ll let her know.”
“Thank you, I’ll talk to you soon,” Westin says.
The door shuts, and I climb back into bed, feeling the loss of Westin all over again.
“That’s it,” Julie yells. “Get up!”
“Go to hell,” I say and pull the covers up.
She rips them off and tosses cold water across my face. “What the fuck?” I scream as my bed is wet now.
“You are Serenity Adams, world-renowned gynecological oncologist. You’ve had your three days of self-pity, now it’s time to get out of bed and grow up.”
I shoot daggers at her in my head. “Grow up?”
“Yeah, grow up!”
Julie raises a brow in challenge. I don’t need this shit. I’m old enough to live however the hell I want to. I’m not a child.
“You’re telling me to grow up and you just threw water in my face,” I spit the words.
She shrugs. “You’re lying in your bed, neglecting the other patients who need you, because you lost one? That’s not you. They need you, damn it. You need to help them! Whatever happened with you and Westin, I’m sorry, but he’s not missing work, clutching your shirt in bed. Now, get in the shower.” She points toward the bathroom.
Hearing her talk about my patients needing me forces me to move. When I get up, Julie’s relief is all over her face.
“I’ll be in the kitchen with food, once you’re done being an idiot.”
I flip her off.
“If you take more than twenty minutes, I’m coming in there, so don’t do anything stupid!” she says as I slam the bathroom door.
There’s no denying she’s right. I’m acting like a child and the idea that others are suffering because I’m upset with myself makes me even more disappointed in how I’m behaving.
As I shower, I start to think about the events and how they unraveled. We’re all victims in some way. Bryce just wanted to save his wife. Westin loved me and wanted to protect me. Allison paid the ultimate price. And I was at the center of it all, thinking I had it all handled.
Well, no more.
I didn’t handle it right, and that changes now.
It’s time to pick myself up and do the right thing.
I get dressed with a newfound sense of purpose, and move forward to clean up the messes and face the consequences of my choices. I can’t continue the way I have, and I will never be at peace with any of this if I don’t stop acting like the martyr.
When I head into the kitchen, Julie and Daddy are sitting there.
“I want to talk to you both,” I say as I sit.
They look at each other and then back to me. “Okay?”
As much as I want to shut down, the way my father’s eyes hold tenderness breaks me. He should know the things I did to get to this point. The way I was stupid and put Westin’s career, our relationship, and my integrity aside needs to be explained.
I go over the ugly details with tears streaming down my face. I don’t leave anything out from start to finish, and ignore the reactions of shock, disappointment, and even a little sadness on the faces of my audience.
“Ren,” Julie clears her throat. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
I shake my head. “I was protecting you. If you knew, you’d have to turn me in. We both know that and I didn’t want to put you in that position.”
“But, you’re telling me now?”
I nod. “Yeah, because tomorrow, I’m going to talk to Dr. Pascoe. I screwed up, Jules. I know this, and I need to take responsibility for it. That’s the only way I’m going to ever make amends with myself and the people who trusted me.”
Julie just stares at me. “Are you sure? I mean, there’s no going back.”
I nod. “I’m sure. No matter what, I have to own my mistakes.”
She stands and touches my shoulder. “I would’ve never turned you in, Ren. I don’t agree, hell, I can’t even pretend to understand why you did that, but I know you . . . I’ve known you a long time,” she says and squeezes. “You’re an amazing doctor, don’t forget the lives you’ve saved.”
I get to my feet and pull her in for a hug. “Thank you.”
“I’m here for you.” She leans back. “No matter what. I’m the girl you call to help you bury the body, remember that.”
Julie has always had my back, and I’ve had hers. I should’ve gone to her, but I thought keeping my mistake from her was the right thing.
She leaves, and Daddy stands there looking at me. “You’re doing the right thing.”
I start to cry again, hating that I failed people, and my father gathers me in his arms. It doesn’t matter how old I am, he’s the man I can always count on. I soak his shirt, crying over the mistakes I’ve made.
“I’m so sorry if I disappointed you, Daddy.”
He rubs my back as I fall apart.
“Never. You could never disappoint me.”
I cry harder, thanking God that I have him in my life. When the tears ebb, he pushes my hair back and stares into my eyes. “I raised you to be a strong, independent woman who cares for others. You’ve devoted your entire life to make things better and you take care of everyone else. I can’t pretend to understand what it’s like to watch people die around you all the time. You’re doing the right thing. It won’t be easy, but you’ll get through it.”
I nod. “I’m going to lose my job,” I choke on the words. “I won’t have money, a place to live, and I don’t know if I’ll lose my license. I’m probably going to need to move back home, but I won’t be able to help financially.”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” he asks.
“Dad, I’ve been sending Everton a lot of money each month,” I confess.
He nods. “I know, but I’ve come into a bit of money myself. You don’t need to worry about taking care of me.”
“What do you mean, a bit of money?”
He smiles impishly and we sit at the table, where my father tells me something that leaves me completely stunned.