“Do you think she’ll forgive me?” I asked before Weston reached us.
“Give her time. Jen loves you. She’ll come around.”
My heart leaped at those words. Words we hadn’t even come close to saying. I hadn’t even let myself think about them. I’d been too worried about scaring her away. And now, I’d fucked it up, and it was all I could think about. I loved her, and I’d never told her.
I was going to make this right.
One way or another, I was going to fix this.
I had to.
39
Jennifer
“Okay. Just lie on the couch, and I’ll see if Piper and Blaire have emergency ice cream,” Annie said, depositing me in the living room.
I flopped back onto the couch. Tears still leaked down my cheeks. I hadn’t been able to stop crying since Annie had picked me up. Yes, I’d stood up for myself. Yes, I’d done the right thing. But now, I felt terrible.
My heart had been flattened. Shattered. Thrown on the ground and stomped on. Everything was too much, too fast, and I couldn’t make it stop. The ice cream Annie was looking for wouldn’t do a damn thing to make this better. I popped a full Xanax instead. Maybe I could drift away into oblivion and not have to think about it.
“Pipes, some help!” Annie called as Piper stepped into the room with wide eyes.
“What is happening?” Piper asked in shock.
“Found it!” Annie said, holding up the ice cream triumphantly.
She and Piper headed into the living room, and Annie opened up a container of Americone Dream for me. She passed me the spoon, but I still couldn’t stop crying.
Piper looked horrified. “What did that boy do to you?”
Annie sat next to me and brushed my hair back. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”
“What’s all the commotion?” Blaire asked, stepping out of her room in matching pink shorts and sports bra combo. She got one look at Jennifer and dashed to the couch. “Whoa! What’s going on?”
“She just broke up with Julian,” Annie informed her.
Piper and Blaire both gasped at the same time. Their eyes were huge as they took me in, disbelief warring with concern.
“I don’t…I don’t know if we broke up,” I whispered.
“You told him no after that shit he pulled, and then you walked away. The message was clear.”
I pulled my arms into my stomach. “I don’t want to break up with him.”
“I know,” Annie said softly. “I know you don’t.”
“Maybe he’ll just…” I hiccupped. “Maybe he’ll send me flowers and tacos, and everything will be better.”
Annie’s look was so positively pitying that I had to close my eyes. It had worked for Annie. Of course it wouldn’t work for me. I wasn’t Annie. I stood up to Julian in the way that Annie would. I’d found my voice for the first time, but I was already regretting it. I didn’t want it to be over with Julian. I was mad at him for what had happened, what he’d done, but this couldn’t be the end. Could it?
“I’m so sorry, Jennifer. I really have to get to the hospital. Fuck.” She looked to my roommates. “Can y’all handle it from here?”
“We’ve got her,” Piper said authoritatively.
Blaire nodded. “Of course.”
Annie squeezed my arm. “I’m texting Sutton to see if she can come over, too.”
“No, it’s okay,” I murmured. “I’ll text her later.”
“You’re sure?”
I nodded. She sighed and then left.
Piper and Blaire filled in for her, doing all the right things and peppering me with all the right questions. I just lay on the couch like a lump as tears fell. I hadn’t known I had this many tears. I hadn’t cried like this in years. Not since my last breakup when the guy had called me crazy for my anxiety. But those tears had been different. They had been self-loathing. This was defeat.
I’d had everything I wanted, and it had all crumbled to dust.
“Hey, your phone is ringing,” Piper said. “Can I dig into your bag and get it?”
“Sure,” I muttered, swiping at my face.
“If it’s Julian, can I answer and cuss him out?” Blaire asked.
Piper shook her head. “Oh no, I can handle him.”
“He doesn’t have a phone,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Blaire asked.
“He broke it and hasn’t had time to get a new one.”
“Who doesn’t have time to get a new phone?” Piper asked skeptically. Then she finally grabbed my phone out of my bag. “Uh, it says Mom.”
“Crap,” I said. “I…I have to answer it.” Piper handed me the phone. I sniffed and tried to clear my throat before answering, “Hello?”
“Hi, honey. Dad is almost finished cooking, and Chester is already here. You’re late.”
I clenched my jaw. Crap, I’d forgotten about Sunday brunch. Mom was trying to make it a thing so that we saw each other every weekend after church. Chester and I didn’t go, but Mom still did. She hadn’t asked if I was coming. She’d just accused me of being late. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t coming. But I’d used up my no today against Julian. I didn’t have it in me to say it to my mom. Her disdain would be so much worse.
“Sorry. I got caught up. I’m on my way.”
She huffed softly. “We’ll save you a seat.”
“Thanks.”
Piper and Blaire looked at me with wide eyes when I hung up. “You’re going to meet your folks?” Piper asked.
“Yeah, I forgot.”
“Is that a good idea?” Blaire asked.
“Probably not, but I still have to go.”
They both protested as I heaved myself to my feet and went into my room to change. I just ignored them. They didn’t know my family situation. That staying home would be worse than getting it over with.
I put on a modest yellow dress and did something to my hair. I didn’t look in the mirror. I didn’t want to know what I looked like. I couldn’t seem to care.
“Jen,” Piper said, “are you sure?”
I sighed. “No. I’m really not.”
“Can I drive you at least?” she asked.
“Nah, I’m okay to drive.” I glanced down at the cat food bag and sighed even heavier. I’d forgotten to feed them when I got home. Things had been…bad. I needed to do it.
I took the cat food outside with me and dumped it into their bowls. Before I could even call their names, Bacon walked right up to me, purring and running her body along my legs.
“Hey, Bakey,” I said, dropping back on my heels so I could pet her.
Tears came again as my cat comforted me. She probably just wanted her food, but right now, it felt like she loved me. And I could use one more person loving me.
Then to my surprise, Avocado slunk out of the bushes. I nearly startled at her presence, but I stayed perfectly still. This was the closest she’d come to me since I’d moved her. She hadn’t even looked at me when I called her name.
Now, here she was, staring right at me. I didn’t want her to run off, so I actually held my breath. Avocado sniffed the air as she went to her food bowl. She smelled it, and I thought she’d go back to ignoring me. But she turned away from it and came to press her body against mine. Not running it along me, like Bacon had been, just pushing into me. As if to say that she was here. She knew something was wrong, and she would be here for me.