“Kind of. I guess his money is primarily invested in properties, so her lawyer’s trying to see what options are available to access funds. She didn’t say much more about it.”
I dove head-first into the conversation about her family, mainly to stop the comment that she had a thing for me on repeat in my head. “I bet your mom is relieved to have that taken care of. She still has to look after your grandpa, but at least she won’t have to stress about finances. I remember what it was like for Grans at the end, and it wasn’t even for very long, so I can’t imagine what it’s been like for your mom.”
“You’ve never told me about her—other than she died a few years ago. What happened?”
“Cancer. She’d put so much of herself into this place that she never went for regular checkups or paid much attention to her health. It wasn’t like she was sick often or anything. In fact, I can’t remember a time when she was under the weather. She was a strong woman, but I guess she wasn’t strong enough to beat cancer. By the time she was diagnosed, it was too late to do anything other than keep her comfortable.”
“That’s awful,” Kenny said, placing her hand on my thigh.
“Yeah, but at least she didn’t have to suffer long. Once she reached the end, it happened so quickly. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had to watch her deteriorate every day. That’s one thing I’m so thankful for—she never lost her faculties. She was herself until the very last breath.”
“I won’t lie…it’s not easy, but I don’t think it’s as difficult for me as it is for other people. I didn’t grow up with my grandfather as part of my life, so it’s not like I have all these memories of him that he can’t recall. I’m sure if that had been the case, it would be a lot harder.”
I pulled up to the side of my house and parked the cart. But I wasn’t finished talking, so instead of getting out, I turned to face her and asked, “How’s your mom handling it? I know you said they didn’t have a very good relationship.”
Kenny was quiet for a moment and then slipped her hand away. It made me want to hold onto her that much harder, but even I recognized this wasn’t the time to interfere. She appeared to struggle with her response, though it didn’t seem to be personal, as if her hesitation came more from not knowing what to say rather than how to say it.
“I’m not entirely sure since she doesn’t talk about it much, and if she does, she doesn’t speak to me about it,” she finally said. “But from what I can tell, she’s pissed about the whole situation. I think she’s angry at having to take care of him when he never took care of her growing up. He missed out on all those younger years, so there’s resentment for that. But what I think bothers her the most is how he gets to conveniently forget about all the horrible things he did to her and my grandmother, yet she has to pretend none of it happened because he can’t remember anyway.”
“Why do you think she feels that way if she doesn’t talk to you about it?”
“Just little comments she’ll make under her breath from time to time.”
I wasn’t sure if my questions were upsetting her, but rather than let fear deter me, I decided to continue our conversation until she chose to end it. “You haven’t said anything about your dad. Where is he? Does he help out?”
For the first time since this conversation began, there was a hint of pain in her eyes. It wasn’t much, or even obvious, but there was a twinge of something. And it only served to encourage me that much more to know all I could about her.
“He’s never been in my life. He bailed as soon as my mom told him that she was pregnant with me. I know his name, so I could find him if I wanted, but I don’t have any desire to do so. If he didn’t want to be in my life, then that’s his loss. Not mine.”
I admired her attitude. I’d spent years bothered and pissed at my mom for leaving, and she was still technically in my life. She was absent most of the time, sure, but at least I didn’t have to find her…or introduce myself. It made me feel guilty for whining about my mom walking away. I must’ve talked about it several times, yet this was the first mention of her dad having never been in the picture.
“Do you know much about him, or just his name?”
Suddenly, that twinge of pain disappeared, and she reacted no differently than if we were talking about a news headline. “I looked him up a couple of years ago, when I was sixteen. I found him on social media, but I haven’t checked since. He had some personal information listed, like, he’s married with three kids, and it sounds like he has a good job, though I’m not sure what it is.”
“So you have half-siblings?”
“Yeah, brothers. If I’m honest, I have more of a desire to meet them, but it’s not like a need. You know? If it happens, it happens. If not, then oh well.” She nibbled on the inside of her cheek for a moment before meeting my stare again. “He might’ve chosen back then that he didn’t want to be in my life, but I’m the one who’s choosing now not to be in his.”
“He’s the one missing out. It doesn’t seem like you’re lacking anything, and I have a feeling your life is better without him in it than it would’ve been had he stayed. My opinion may not be worth much, but I personally think you’re pretty darn awesome.”
Her smile brightened her heavenly eyes and tinted her rosy cheeks. “Thank you, Drew. I happen to think you’re a pretty awesome dude, too. And I can’t say where I’d be or how my life would differ if he’d stuck around, but I can say I’m really freaking lucky to have you in my life…for however long that may be.”
I didn’t know how long I’d remain a presence in her life, but I knew I’d feel her presence in mine until the day I died.
Needing to change the subject before I said something I could never take back—something that would undoubtedly ensure her absence in my life—I circled back to what we’d been talking about and asked, “What’s your mom going to do when you leave for college?”
She tilted her head the tiniest bit and regarded me with narrowed eyes and knitted brows. “I signed up for online schooling, so I won’t be going anywhere. I felt guilty about leaving, so I found an excellent college that offers the courses I need without having to attend in-person classes.”
Suddenly, I realized she was just as trapped in her life as I was in mine, except she didn’t seem to recognize it. Or maybe she did, but she certainly didn’t act like it. It was as though her sacrifices didn’t faze her. In fact, she portrayed herself to be different than me, like she was the one with options. But when I took a step back, it was clear as day that she didn’t seem to take advantage of them.
I grabbed her hand and pulled it into my lap. “Would you have done that if your grandfather wasn’t there?”
“Would I have done what? Taken online courses?” When I nodded, she shook her head and elaborated. “Well, no. I mean, I assume life would be completely different if he wasn’t part of the equation. I doubt my mom would even want me home if that were the case. But it’s not reality, so I didn’t really have much choice.”