He wasn’t alone in his feelings. I was right there with him, just as confused and scared as he seemed to be. I was having the hardest time organizing my thoughts and feelings enough to make sense of it all. I had some stored in neat compartments to deal with later, but the bulk of them were haphazardly scattered in chaotic piles that I couldn’t even begin to sort through.
I scooted forward, practically into his lap, and took his face in my hands. It was natural, as though I’d done this very thing dozens of times before. There was just something about the easy way in which we seemed to be able to comfort one another. “Hey, Drew…” I whispered, lightly pressing my forehead to his.
He inhaled harshly, filling his chest with a deep, cleansing breath. And when he pulled away and met my stare again, the turmoil in his eyes seemed to have dissolved. I wasn’t sure if I should leave it alone and go on with our evening, or if I needed to assure him that he wasn’t alone. The latter, however, meant I’d have to put myself out there, foolishly admit that I’d done what nearly every other female out there did—I’d managed to take a holiday hookup and romanticize it until my head was filled with fantasies of a forever I was never meant to have.
“You’re not alone, Drew.” When I noticed his brow begin to furrow again, I caressed his cheekbone with the pad of my thumb and offered the most comforting smile I could muster without a mirror. “Being confused and not making any sense…you’re not alone.”
“Really? So it’s not just me?”
I ran the backs of my knuckles along the stubble that painted the side of his face in dark splatter. “No, it’s not just you,” I managed to choke out, yet I didn’t offer anything else. A lump that had formed in my throat at the start of this conversation grew bigger and bigger, preventing me from saying more. Even though I knew he needed to hear it, I just couldn’t seem to form the words.
His soft lips split into a genuine smile right before returning to the feast spread out in front of us. I was thankful for two reasons: one, for the subject being dropped, and two, for the chance to eat more of this amazing food before it all went cold. I hoped we could just sit here and pick at the different containers, all while talking about anything other than our feelings or what would happen after tomorrow. Those were things I didn’t care to get into at the moment—or ever.
I wasn’t the type of person who dwelled on too much. I took things as they came, and if need be, I’d make adjustments to fit my own desires. Even during the two most ridiculous relationships in high school, I’d refused to let it get to me. Instead, I had found a solution that would benefit me and no one else. And I took it.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t found an option like that for this situation.
And I wasn’t sure I wanted to, either.
Before he could circle our conversation back to us, I jumped in. “Were you serious about what you said earlier…about giving more thought to rebranding this place?”
If anything, I knew this topic would annoy him, which would steer his emotions in the complete opposite direction. So whichever way it went, I won—we either talked about the resort or something, anything, other than us. I’d call that a win-win.
It looked as though the slightest hint of annoyance flashed in his eyes but was quickly dispelled with his infectious grin and hoarse laughter beneath his breath. “You don’t quit, do you? I know you said that earlier, but I guess I assumed it was more of a joke. Now I realize it’s not. You’re like a dog with a bone—when you’re onto something, you don’t let up.”
I shrugged and batted my lashes dramatically, earning a louder, more thunderous laugh. “Feel privileged, because I don’t do this with everything. Only the things I feel really passionate about, or that I truly believe in. Unfortunately for you, I not only feel immensely passionate about this place, but I also believe in it probably more than I believe in my own future. I get these feelings, and you’re right, I can’t let up. Not when I believe, from the depths of my soul, that I’m right.”
“I just don’t know how you can feel that way after being here for less than a full week. Not to mention, you haven’t even seen the behind-the-scenes stuff to know if it’s doable. How can you possibly believe that much in something you know nothing about?”
That stung, but I knew it had come from a good place, not malicious in the slightest. “I can’t explain it. Trust me, I wish I could. But this isn’t the first thing I’ve felt this way about, and you should know that I’ve been right about it every single time.”
“Like what? Give me an example…or two.”
“Well, when I was a kid, I was supposed to go to this summer camp that all the other kids my age were going to. I was really looking forward to it, so imagine the confusion my mom had when the night before we were supposed to leave, I told her I didn’t want to go. She fought me on it at first, refused to let me back out. But she finally relented when I told her that I just felt differently about it. I’ve already told you about the two guys I dated in high school. I was infatuated with my first boyfriend, but my gut told me not to do what my body and hormones wanted.”
“What happened at the summer camp?”
“Fire broke out. More than half of the kids ended up in the hospital for everything from smoke inhalation to burns.” I was able to talk about it freely now, but that had always been something that hit me deep in the chest. What had happened to those kids had scarred me for years, but what got to me the most was how close I was to being one of those hospital patients.
“Oh, damn,” he whispered, almost to himself.
“Yeah, which is why I’ve learned to follow my gut. My mom said she’s always been the same, too. But she credits my grandmother for that. She swears up and down that her feelings were never that strong before her mom died.”
“Are you saying she has premonitions?”
I laughed at the skepticism in his eyes. “No. Nothing like that at all. Neither she nor I can predict anything. We simply have these really strong feelings about things, and we’ve learned to listen to that little voice in the back of our heads that guides us where to go.”
“Okay, I get all that. I don’t doubt you have instincts about your own life or things you should or shouldn’t be doing. But this isn’t about you or your life, so why the intensity around it? Why have these non-premonitions about me—or anyone else, for that matter?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” Which was the truth. I had never been able to make sense of the few instances when I’d felt strongly about something, only to later find out that my gut instinct had been right on the mark.
“Can you at least try to explain what it is you feel?”
That was easy. “It’s just a sense of absolute. With this—you, the resort, the rebranding—I truly feel in my gut that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Other times, like with the camp thing, I get this heaviness in the pit of my stomach, and I just feel sad. Really sad.”
“So I take it I shouldn’t ignore your pushes to do more with this place. Is that what you’re saying?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I’ve only been telling you this since the beginning.”