“How’s Amy? You know, if you want to bring her over with you, I’m okay with that. She’s important to you, and therefore, she should be here with you,” she says, making my head spring up in surprise that she would ask that.
I blame Amy for not wanting to be part of Oliver’s life before he arrived, but I know Lauryn has always kept her at arm’s length as well. I didn’t fight it because her health and well-being during the pregnancy were important. Until the birth, I wasn’t going to push it.
Perhaps Amy wasn’t completely at fault for that one.
Lauryn’s question also surprises me because she knows Shawn is her employee, and that’s how we put things together. I assumed she hated Amy for changing the way she had her perfect life laid out. The father of her choice. Her indecency hidden in the shadows.
Her forehead creases as she looks at me. “What? Why are you staring at me like I just asked if we should move to Mars?”
I take a deep breath and grab one of Oliver’s toes, loving how tiny it is in my fingers. “Amy and I haven’t spoken.”
“Why not?” she asks, exasperated.
“You know why. Let’s not talk about it.”
“You’re not talking to her because of Shawn? How does that have anything to do with the two of you?”
“She’s the one who wanted to tell me. It’s obvious Shawn is freaked out and doesn’t want to be a dad. Sometimes”—I clench my jaw, hating what I’m about to say—“I just wish she had let it be.”
Her head lowers as she looks at me from under her brows. “You’re joking, right?”
I glance up at her, confused. “Why would I be joking about something like this?”
“Because she didn’t do anything.” She pauses as she takes her feet that were tucked up on the chair and sets them on the ground, leaning forward to be more serious. “Look, I know what I did was wrong. I should have told you about Shawn when I was pregnant, but that’s my mistake. Not hers. Why is she being punished, yet you’re here with me? With us?”
I grit my teeth, still fuming at the thought of her cheating on me, but when I rub my hand over Oliver’s smooth head, I take in a healing breath and feel myself calm down.
“Because of him. You gave me him. How can I hate you for that?”
“But what if—”
“Don’t say it,” I whisper out before I tilt my head up to face her. “Please don’t say it. We’ll know tomorrow. If this is the last day I get, thinking he’s my biological son, I want to enjoy it.”
“I agree. But I also think that you should be enjoying it with your girlfriend by your side. I know you have feelings for her.”
I nod as I rub his head again. “I do. But … I just don’t know. If I lose him because of her …” I don’t finish that thought.
“Will you please get your head out of your ass, you egomaniac?” she says, and I let out a sharp laugh. Those are definitely not words she says often. “You won’t lose him because of her. You’ll lose him because of me. Tomorrow might be one of the best days of your life, or it might be one of the worst. I don’t want you to go through that alone. I know I’m not the one who should be there for you. And have you even told anyone else besides Miles? Do your parents know what’s going on?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then, why are you pushing her away?”
I drop my head back, more in thought than anything. “I just get this feeling she wanted this to happen. She said she was on board, but something has been holding her back. We’ve been together for months, yet she would only bring over clothes for a few days at a time even though I cleaned out a spot in my closet for her. I even brought up her moving in once, but she said she wanted to wait until after Oliver was settled in. She needed us to have our time together before changing it.”
“You think that’s her way of not committing?”
“There’s always an excuse. Always an escape plan.”
Her hand flies to her head as she looks at me like I’m a child ready for a scolding. “You had a baby with another woman! Moments after you met, you sprang it on her that your ex was pregnant. That’s a lot for a woman to take on.”
“Trust me, I know. I had to woo her hard to get her to come back to me.”
“Did you ever think that she told you about Shawn because she loves you and she wanted you to know the truth? How could she have kept something like that from you?”
“You did!” I spit out.
She closes her eyes for a brief moment. “Yes. And I’m sorry. But only because I wanted what was best for my son, but I wasn’t taking your feelings into consideration. She was. Because she cares for you.”
“And you didn’t?”
“No. I didn’t say that. It’s just different, and you know that. We didn’t click that way. Not the way you seem to have with Amy at least. You never looked at me the way you do at her. Just the mention of her name brightens your expression.” Her hands rest on her knees. “Final question, and then I’ll leave it alone. What would you have done if this information had come out five or ten years down the road and you found out she had known the entire time?”
There it is. The one line in every courtroom battle that makes you question the entire trial. As upset as I am with Amy’s role in the current events, if she’d held on to it and never told me, lied to me, that would have destroyed us.
I laugh to myself because that’s what is happening now. We’re being destroyed by my reaction to her actions.
“It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, life is, with every aspect, but being with someone you care about shouldn’t be.” She gets up and comes to sit next to me. “Don’t put your anger toward me on Amy. I told you a while ago that I was happy you met her, but I haven’t been the most inviting to her, and that’s my fault. That all ends now. Just like I want what is best for Oliver, I also want what is best for you.”
“Oliver is what’s best for me,” I whisper while holding his tiny fingers.
She places her hand over mine, the three of us joined together. “That will never change, but you need that partner by your side too.”
“Then, what about you? Who’s going to be by your side?”
“Someone will come along. I have no doubt that when the time is right, he’ll be here.” She looks me in the eyes. “The time is right for you, Sebastian. Amy is right. Don’t let her slip away because of something I did. I won’t be able to live with myself if I screwed up Oli’s life and yours at the same time.” She leans down to kiss his head.
“I’m not going anywhere. If Shawn doesn’t step up, know that I’ll always be here. And if he does, well, then I’ll settle for Uncle Sebastian who takes him to Phillies games and teaches him how to throw a ball.” I lean in and say jokingly, “Because I don’t think Shawn’s really a sports guy.”
A laugh bubbles in her throat. “I don’t think so either.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
She shakes her head. “I’ll wait until after the results are in. The fact that you discovered this is wild. I never planned on seeing him again, and I don’t plan to unless I have to.”