I stare down at Oliver, and though I’m still terrified to find out the truth for the first time, I don’t feel like I’ll die if he’s not mine. I know I’ll always be a part of his life, and if that test comes back negative, then I’m going to have to learn to be okay with that.
As much as I try to deny it, my feelings are exactly the same when it comes to Amy. I just wonder if she’ll ever be mine again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Amy
You know that saying, You never know what you truly had until it’s gone? Well, that’s exactly how I feel right now. Of course, I knew Sebastian was amazing and the guy I’d been dreaming of all my life, but I never considered losing him this fast, and my God, the suddenness of him walking out of my life has felt worse than a dagger to the heart. It’s been a samurai sword to my entire soul.
I’m curled up in my office, watching Netflix with Lady Featherington, when there’s a knock on my back door. As I check my app, I see my dad standing there, waving at the camera. His dorkiness makes me smile, and I stand to go let him in.
“Hi, Daddy,” I say as I open the door.
He comes in to give me a hug.
“What are you doing here so late?” I ask as I shut the door and we head back to my office.
“I wanted to check on my little girl.”
I sigh. “Did Fiona open her big mouth?”
I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to her. She called during a weak moment yesterday, and I needed someone to spill my guts to. I should have known my entire family would find out shortly.
He places his arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Only because she cares. Tell me what happened.”
I fill him in on Shawn and how we’re not sure who Oliver’s father is. “The worst part is, Sebastian accused me of not wanting the baby and that I wasn’t committed to him.”
“Well, sweetie, why do you think he felt that way?”
I drop down on my futon and pull the blanket back over me once I tuck my feet underneath me. Lady Featherington takes her spot back right next to me, like I never got up.
“Because I wouldn’t fully move in with him. He always made comments about how I lived there too. That it was my home.”
He takes a seat on a chair I have next to my desk and looks around my office-slash-bedroom. “I thought you two were living together. At least, that’s what Heather told me a few months ago.”
I let out a breath, knowing deep down what he’s saying is right but not for the reasons he thinks. “I practically was, but I left my clothes here and would just pack a bag.”
“Not that I was all too excited about my youngest child living with yet another man out of wedlock, but I do have to say, I was surprisingly okay with the idea. Sebastian seemed like a respectable man, and you’re not a baby anymore.”
I roll my eyes with a laugh before sighing and settling back into my sullen emotions. “I wasn’t sure if he’d still want me around once the baby was born. I felt like if there was a chance for them to be a family, I didn’t want to stop them.”
“Just because they were welcoming a baby into this world unconventionally doesn’t mean you’d be in the way. Were there any signs that he wanted to reunite with this woman?”
“No.” I shake my head but keep my eyes glued to the blanket. “I suppose I just couldn’t let go of how I would feel if I were in her shoes. If Sebastian weren’t mine anymore, I’d be devastated. If I were carrying his child as well, I’d be broken. I’d want to be a family because, for me, that’s everything.”
“You love this man. I can see that.”
“With my whole heart,” I respond with conviction.
He rubs his thigh and looks up, seemingly in thought. “Perhaps your mother and I put too much emphasis on what a traditional family was. You know as well as anyone that families come in all shapes and sizes. If you love this man, you have to love the child too. Being a stepmom is a big role to take on.”
“I do. I only met Oliver for a moment, and he’s a heaven-sent angel,” I say without a second thought. “I’m so excited for Sebastian to be a dad and for me to be part of his experience.”
“Part of his family.”
I sigh. “If that’s what he ultimately wants, then yes.”
He stands and comes to sit next to me on the futon. His hands are folded on his lap, and he takes a deep breath and nods slightly before speaking, “Amy, do you want to know why you’re my favorite child?” He leans in to whisper, “Don’t tell your siblings I said that.”
I laugh, and he continues, “You were our surprise baby. First, we were panicked. Another mouth to feed. We didn’t have enough room, and Mom was going back to work. Our hands were full with your brothers and sisters. By the grace of God, you came anyway. Big, bright eyes and smiling since the moment you were born. We carted you around to every game, recital, lesson, and practice. Henry with his tutors, Matty and the sports, Heather had dance, and Fiona was in every art class imaginable. You just went with the flow.
“Where everyone else needed to be pushed, you barreled right along. Our kitchen became your theater, and you performed for us daily, whisking the most horrible concoctions together until, one day, you created the most heavenly chocolates. When it was your time to shine, there was no stopping the person you were going to become. I know we pushed the others to go to college or made sure they were choosing the right path for their careers, but with you, there was no pushing. You’re the girl who paves her own path. But have no doubt that your mother and I have been by your side, rooting for you and waiting to help with anything you might need. We couldn’t be prouder of what you’ve created in your kitchen, in your world, and in your heart.”
He leans in to wrap an arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“I suppose I have always marched to the beat of my own drum in this family,” I surmise with a grin.
“You’ve never been a follow the normal way things should be done kind of person, so why would you think the man you fell for would be any different than you?”
I look up at him, silently asking him to go on.
“Yes, having a baby with an ex isn’t orthodox, but it’s not horrible either. People do it all the time. And if anyone is going to take on that role with Sebastian, I have no doubt that you’re the right person to do so. Your adaptable spirit from growing up as the youngest of five children proves you can. And with your not letting anyone stop you from getting what you want side, you shouldn’t allow yourself to get in your own way too. If you want to be with Sebastian and baby Oliver, then you should be. Don’t let any insecurities stop you. Especially if he’s telling you that you’re who he wants to be with.”
A light breeze comes through the open window and tickles my cheek. It’s like the universe is giving me a hug and saying, Listen to your father. It’s right because there is no one more understanding and profound as my dad. I suppose these men don’t get enough credit for the roles they play in our lives.
“I don’t know if I’ll get the opportunity to show Sebastian that I want this. I haven’t spoken to him in days.”