Jacque glanced at Crina. “You’ve been wolfy a lot longer than I have.”
“Yes, but her mate’s the historian. I’m sure he could explain it much better than we could.” Crina smiled at Zara through her tear-streaked face and swollen eyes.
“I like the way you think,” Jacque agreed.
Zara’s frown deepened. “Wadim just told me to quit talking to you guys about mating stuff.” Her face reddened. “Okay, let’s get back to you, Crina. How can we help you?” she said, her words rushed.
Crina laughed. “I needed that. I feel like I haven’t laughed in forever.”
“No offense, but you’re mated to Adam. He’s the equivalent of Costin, only as a fae,” Sally pointed out. “In other words, hilarious.”
The smile fell from Crina’s face. “I don’t let him close enough to make me laugh. I’ve screwed everything up. And now, the more time passes, the more I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to explain why I slowly pushed him away.”
“So, you were the one who kicked him out of bed?” Jacque asked. “Because that makes much more sense.”
“Not because of anything he did on purpose. In fact, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know what he did,” Crina admitted. “You know how the bond is open, like really open when you’re intimate with your mate?”
Jacque and Sally nodded while Zara shook her head and leaned closer. The girl was about to get educated, her mate’s opinion be damned.
“I guess, for some reason, that’s not the case with a fae mate,” Crina said. “I never felt anything but his love, and maybe a little worry for me, but that was it.
“Recently, I came across a letter Alina had written me. She would do that from time to time, send letters to the female pack members to let them know she was thinking about them. She did it more with those who lived away from the mansion.
“Anyway, I came across one, and it was about waiting on my true mate. I had talked to her a few days before about desperately wanting to find my mate. I had just heard that Fane had found you,” she said, looking at Jacque. “It was so exciting because it had been so long since someone had discovered a true mate. And it just brought back that ache you constantly have to push away. As I read the letter, I fell apart. It was one of those bad, ugly cries.”
“Body swaying, shoulders shaking,” Sally offered.
“Exactly,” Crina said.
“Freaked your man out, didn’t it,” Jacque said.
“Pretty much,” Crina’s eyes took on a faraway look. “He found me on the floor of our bedroom, and I couldn’t even talk. It was like she’d died all over again. And all of a sudden, our bond was wide open. I had thought it already was. All the times we’d made love, I’d thought I knew everything about him. But I felt him trying to pull my pain away, trying to take it for himself, and then I felt his own pain—pain I hadn’t even known was there. He was hurting over Vasile and Alina. He was hurting because of Peri, his friend and comrade for so long. He’d never seen her like this. Adam was terrified he wasn’t enough for me because he’s not a wolf. It all just hit me like a freight train.”
Jacque felt Crina’s pain, not just because of the alpha bond, but because she remembered when Fane had shut her out. She’d threatened to leave him until he got his crap sorted because she couldn’t stand him holding any part of himself from her. It was excruciating to know the person who holds the other half of your soul won’t bear their own to you. “Fane’s done that to me before,” Jacque admitted. “It’s like a sucker punch, repeatedly, to the diaphragm.”
“That’s a good way to put it. My first thought was he didn’t think I was strong enough to handle his pain. As if I’m somehow weaker. Then I was angry because I felt like he was hiding it from me. The more I thought about it, the more hurt I became. And then I felt guilty he had taken so much of my sorrow. He’d just been giving and giving, and I’d been taking. I almost felt like I’d trapped him somehow, as if he didn’t have a choice but to keep his pain to himself. So, I set him free.”
“It felt like if you didn’t touch him, then it was easier to keep him from feeling your emotions?” Sally asked.
Crina nodded. “And when he’s touching me, I’m constantly wondering if I’m the only one being honest through our bond. I mean, I don’t think he was doing it on purpose, but it just hurt so damn bad. On top of everything else, I’d failed my mate.”
“No,” Jacque said, shaking her head and squeezing Crina’s hand tighter. “You didn’t fail him. You’re both still learning what the bond between a fae and a wolf looks like. Of course, it was going to be a little different between you two, regardless of the mind link and the markings. That doesn’t mean either of you has failed the other one. It just means you have to talk, even though it’s uncomfortable as all get out. You have to be vulnerable, which sucks. And you have to tell him exactly what you need from him, which can be embarrassing.”
“Jacque, I’m not sure you’re helping her want to do those things,” Sally said in her sweet voice that really meant she thought you were an idiot.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” Jacque challenged.
“She’s not wrong,” Zara said. “Even I know that much, despite my lack of dominance bedroom games. Just think of the conversation I’m going to get to have with my mate. I’ll probably hide under the bed while he talks.”
Crina grinned. “Wadim is blunt. That will be an interesting conversation.”
“Right?” Zara cocked her head. “Why is he so blunt? He just says whatever pops into his head, and there it is.”
“He was alone too long in his library dungeon.” Crina laughed. “Starved for interaction.”
Zara sighed as her shoulders drooped. “Well, just think of me and my embarrassed self when you and your mate have the awesome talk. As Jacque has explained, it will make us all want to jump on the ‘be open and honest with your mate’ train.”
“I need to ban you from hanging out with Jen,” Jacque said, narrowing her eyes on Wadim’s mate. Then Jacque turned back to Crina. “I’m going to be bossy for a minute. You look like hell, and your wolf is restless and growly. I can feel her through this new bond I’m trying to adjust to. You and she both need your mate. You need his touch. Beat the crap out of him first if that helps, but then talk to him. Crina, he adores you. Anyone who has seen him look at you can see that.”
“Okay,” Crina said. “I miss him so much. I don’t think I would last another day without begging him to forgive me.”
Sally shook her head. “He’s going to tell you there’s nothing to forgive.”
“And he’ll be right,” Jacque added.
*****
Fane shifted from his squatted position and sat down next to Adam. The alpha leaned against him, his side pressed firmly to the fae. Decebel moved to sit on Adam’s other side in the same position. Touch. It was essential to their wolves. Owing to his relationship with Crina, it had become essential to Adam as well, but the fae didn’t realize it. Fane could feel a bond with Adam, though it wasn’t as strong as his bond with his wolves. The alpha could sense through that bond that the fae was starved for touch. Mostly for the touch of his mate, but also from those who loved him and Crina. He needed to know he wasn’t in this alone. He might be fae, but he had half the soul of a Canis lupus inside of him now.