Fane swallowed hard and forced his own emotions under control. The pain had been breathtaking at times, literally. Jacquelyn would hold him at night and just let him go through whatever emotion consumed him in the darkness of their bedroom. He couldn’t imagine not having her there, not having her touch open to him whenever he needed it. He wouldn’t have survived his parents’ death without her. Costin sat down at his feet, his leg resting on top of Fane’s. Lucian took on the same position, only his leg rested on top of Adam’s foot. To humans, it probably would have looked weird. But to their wolves it was normal and necessary. If they were in their wolf forms, they would be piled in a pack tightly around each other, and probably laying on top of Adam. which, for a fae, might be strange. But the man was one of Fane’s pack, and Adam needed his mate and his pack mates.
“Can you feel her now?” Fane asked the fae.
Adam nodded. “Only just.”
“So, she hasn’t completely shut down the bond. That’s a good sign,” he explained. “When did she stop letting you touch her and to what extent?”
Adam shifted, and Fane could feel his unease.
“I’m not asking about your physical intimacy,” Fane explained. “That question is already answered if she’s not letting you get close. I want to know how much of your touch she will allow.”
Adam cleared his throat. “At first, she sought me out.” His voice was full of longing as he spoke. “She wanted me close all the time. I loved it.” A wistful smile momentarily adorned his face, as if he were enjoying the memory. “I never feel calm … or … I’m not sure how to explain it, but something is missing when we’re not touching. But as soon as I hold her hand or wrap my arms around her, I’m whole again. I can breathe.”
Fane watched Adam’s expressions as he spoke. The alpha leaned harder against him as he saw the male’s eyes take on a glassy sheen. The fae would find no judgment here for a single tear he cried, especially not tears shed for a true mate.
“She would just sit in my lap with her head on my shoulder for hours,” he continued. He closed his eyes briefly, as if remembering those moments. “Sometimes, she would talk. Other times, she would ask me to talk, I think, to distract her. I could feel her pain. Occasionally, it was so strong that my body physically ached. At one point, when it got really bad, I tried taking some of it through the bond, so she wouldn’t have to bear it all.”
Fane and the three other males all made rumbling sounds, their wolves recognizing that Crina’s wolf would not have taken that well. It would have made her feel inadequate.
“I guess that was the wrong thing to do?” Adam asked, looking around at them.
“We’ll get to that,” Fane assured him. “Go on with the rest.” Fane could tell Adam needed to share everything he’d been dealing with on his own. How many times had Fane’s father told him that very thing? He’d say, “You aren’t alone, Fane. Let those who love you be there when you need it.” Vasile’s voice filled his mind for a moment and then disappeared as quickly as it had come.
Adam let out a humorless laugh. “I guess that’s about when it started. But it was slow. It wasn’t like one day I could hold her, kiss her, and love her, and then I couldn’t. It was subtle. I’d pull her to me, and she’d let me hold her, but gradually I noticed the amount of time she’d stay in my arms became shorter and shorter. Kissing her…” he whispered, his eyes filled with wonder even as a single tear slowly ran down his cheek, “I never knew it could be so addictive. I didn’t know it could be more than just lust. I didn’t realize I’d come to thirst for her taste. That sounds abnormal, doesn’t it?”
“If you think that’s weird, you probably don’t want to know what all we wolves get addicted to when it comes to our mates,” Costin said with a small smile. “Sally is a human. For most of her life, she knew nothing of the supernatural world. Even knowing what she does now, she still thinks I’m creepy. And that’s only because of the things she actually knows I desire.” Costin tapped his forehead. “The really kinky things, I keep locked up tight. She’d run away, then I’d have to chase her, which would make me a stalker and even more creepy. Believe me, you’re practically normal compared to one of us.” He motioned to himself and the other wolves.
Fane couldn’t help but chuckle. “In other words, no. It doesn’t sound strange, abnormal, or anything else. But if you need more reassurance, we could get really strange.”
“So, it’s not weird that I sometimes stare at her mouth for hours?” Adam asked. “Or that I’m to the point of begging her to let me kiss her? Or begging her to touch me, even if her touch is violent? I don’t care. She could slap me or beat on me. I just want her.”
“That’s pretty much foreplay to Canis lupus,” Costin said. “I think we’re going to have to make a mating handbook for the mixed-race mated pairs.”
“How long has it been?” Decebel asked Adam.
“Thirty-two days”—he glanced at his watch—“thirty-five minutes, and forty-eight seconds since I last kissed her.”
“Are you sure you’re not part wolf?” Costin asked. “Because that was extremely specific, like wolf specific.”
Lucian nodded his head, agreeing with Costin. “My wolf knows the number of hours since we last touched Perizada. He gets snappy when it’s been too long.”
“How long is too long?” Adam asked.
Lucian’s smile made Fane smile because he knew what his uncle would say. “The moment we’re no longer touching her.”
“Okay, you males are definitely making me feel less neurotic,” Adam said, but the frown lines on his forehead didn’t show reassurance.
“So, for the first two months since my parents’ deaths, Crina allowed you to be her comfort?” Fane said. “You were her security. She turned to you for everything? And now, she doesn’t come to you for anything?”
Adam’s face darkened as his eyes flashed with something dangerous. “Are you suggesting she’s going to someone else for those things now?”
“Please tell me you did not let that thought get through the bond,” Decebel growled.
“True mates don’t cheat. Ever,” Costin said, his voice no longer light and playful. It was a painful topic for him. Fane knew it was not because he felt like Sally cheated on him, but because she still had moments of horrific guilt, even though they weren’t deserved. Costin had shared that with Fane when he and Sally had returned from Texas. She was doing well, and getting better every day, because Costin was there reminding her constantly that nothing had changed for him.
“Then what are you getting at?” Adam asked Fane, the anger still lurking in his eyes.
“I think she’s pining, for one thing, but I don’t think that’s all of it,” Fane replied. “You mentioned you tried to take some of her pain through the bond.”
Adam nodded.
“You did that because you need to care for her. You don’t have the ability to not take care of her.” Fane tried to work through his thoughts to explain this in a way that Adam would understand. “How much of your pain have you shared with her?”