Adam frowned. “Why would I share my pain with her when she has more than enough of her own?”
“Ahh.” Costin nodded, looking at Fane. “I see where you’re going with this.”
“It’s natural for Crina to turn to you as her mate. You’re two halves of one soul. But that goes both ways. Her wolf expects you to turn to her for your comfort. She also needs to know that you need her.”
Adam started to speak, but Fane shook his head. “When you tried to take her pain, your bond would have been fully opened, like soul-bearingly open. She would have felt everything.” He paused and then tilted his head as he looked at the fae. “You knew my parents.” It wasn’t a question, simply a fact.
“I did.” Adam’s tone softened. “For a long time. They meant a lot to me, for many reasons. One being that they’d kept my mate safe until she was given to me.”
“You also had a bond with them. Maybe not the same as a wolf, but you still felt their death.”
Adam nodded.
“What did you do with that pain? How did you deal with it?” Fane narrowed his eyes on Adam. “Who helped you bear the loss?”
The fae male looked confused as he gazed into the male wolves’ faces. “But she needed me,” he said, his voice desperate for them to understand. “I wanted to make sure she knew I could be what she needed.”
“She needed to be the same thing for you, just as much as she needed to lean on you,” Fane told him. “Her wolf, she feels every bit as possessive as you do for her. When she felt you open the bond and realized you were hurting and you hadn’t come to her, hadn’t sought out her comfort the way she’d been doing with you, she most likely felt very inadequate.”
“And useless,” Costin added, as he picked at a blade of grass, his own demons having surfaced, no doubt.
“And weak,” Decebel offered.
“She felt like you couldn’t trust her to be your support,” Lucian explained, patting Adam’s leg. “You are equals. Different, but equal. Crina came to you with all of herself. She expected you to do the same.”
“I just wanted—” Adam started.
“To protect her,” Fane finished. “Even at your own expense. You thought you were protecting her from your emotions because she was already feeling so much of hers.”
“Yes.” Adam breathed out. “So, she’s punishing me?”
“No,” Fane said quickly. “I don’t think so. At least, not on purpose. I think she feels like a burden to you. In a weird way, she thinks she’s protecting you now. Like you did with your own emotions. She’s keeping hers from being a burden to you. But for a wolf, that means there can be no touching, no intimacy. Her emotions would come through without her even realizing it.”
“But she said nothing about it when we were still sleeping together.” Adam growled as he ran his hands through his hair, his body tensing. “She never acted like she could feel my pain then.”
“Holy shi—” Costin began, but Decebel nudged him with his foot.
“I mean, crap,” Costin corrected. “You guys aren’t sleeping in the same bed? Not even with stacks of pillows between you? That’s what Sally does, as if a few pillows will keep my wolf away. You definitely should have bitten her by now.”
Fane didn’t disagree with Costin, but he wanted to keep Adam focused and listening. “Maybe because you’re fae, and no offense, but the emotions of your race tend to be non-accessible. Perhaps that allows you to keep the bond closed down enough not to let the emotions you don’t want through, even when you’re touching, kissing, and the rest,” Fane said, as he considered the true mate bond and how it worked between two wolves. It was probably different between different races. How could it not be?
“He means the even more addictive stuff than kissing.” Costin smiled. “If you still need to feel less creepy, I can get more descriptive.”
“I think he’s got it,” Decebel muttered.
“Sorry.” Costin sobered. “I deal with stress by turning to sex, either literally or talking about it. I blame his mate.” He pointed at Decebel.
Adam chuckled. “Thanks for that piece of information. You’re definitely making me feel less weird.”
“Costin has become the resident example of what happens to a wolf if he loses his mate,” Decebel explained. “Jen was worried he was going to smother Sally, literally, though not on purpose.”
Costin shrugged. “She’s mine. I would never hurt her, but I wouldn’t allow her to pull herself away from me.” He looked Adam right in the eye as he spoke, and Fane could feel the intensity of Costin’s words. “I used whatever means I had to in order to keep her close to me, allowing me to touch her.”
“Like what?” Adam asked. His eyes watched Costin closely as he leaned toward the wolf.
“Mostly seduction.” Costin smiled slowly. “You have a unique effect on your mate that no other male would or could ever have. Think of how much you crave her. Right now. Think about it. Describe it.” Costin narrowed his eyes, challenging Adam to open himself up and let them help him. The things that came naturally to them as Canis lupus males obviously did not come naturally to a mated male of a different race.
Adam bit his bottom lip. One of his legs bounced up and down while he continued to meet Costin’s eyes. He was a pretty dominant male to be able to hold the stare of Fane’s third-ranking wolf.
“How much do you crave her?” Costin asked again, more slowly. “Right now. What are you feeling?”
“I crave her like every breath is going to be my last if I don’t have her.”
“Good, keep going,” Costin encouraged, his voice rumbling a bit as his own emotions rose.
“When I’m in the same room with her, I can’t take my eyes off of her. The whole damn world could burn around us, and she would be all I see. I’ve even … damn this is embarrassing.”
“I promise you,” Fane said, “you’re safe with us. We’ve all done worse, I’m sure.”
“I seduced Sally in her sleep,” Costin said, no shame present in his face. “When she forbade me from touching her. Right in front of everyone. She was pissed.” He looked very pleased with himself.
Adam sighed. “A few times when she’s slept, I’ve used my magic to make sure she was in a deep enough sleep that she wouldn’t feel me. Then I held her. It wasn’t for long because her wolf isn’t as susceptible to my magic. The wolf would wake up pretty quickly, and then I’d have to flash from the room. Sometimes I would just sit there, close enough to feel her breath on my face.”
“Can’t you do that thing where people can’t see you?” Costin asked, a jealous look on his face.
“Yes, but don’t be envious. It doesn’t work on my mate. I’ve tried. The bond is too deep. Much of my magic isn’t very effective on her. She’s gotten curious in the past, and we’ve experimented.” Adam’s smile dropped as though the memories hurt too much to even think about. “I feel like I’m losing her,” he admitted. “For the past month, I’ve wondered if maybe our bond isn’t as… I don’t know. Maybe it’s not as unbreakable as the bond between two wolves. Maybe because we’re not the same species the bond is different.”