Travis couldn’t eat; he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to go into the bedroom they’d shared with Kylie, didn’t want to shower in the shower he’d joined her in numerous times, didn’t want to eat off dishes she’d eaten off of. It was too painful. He wanted to be blessedly numb, his mind blank. It was his only objective, yet no matter how hard he fought back the memories, they swamped him at the most inopportune time: every second of the hour, every hour of the day.
Like now, when he was sitting at his desk in his home office, staring blankly at the closed doors. He had just processed the payment that would take care of the funeral arrangements. The ones his mother was taking care of for them.
To his absolute horror, he’d found that Kylie had actually had a will drawn up. She had thought of everything, ensuring they were all taken care of in the event of her death. When? When had she done that and why didn’t he know about it?
Another tear escaped as he accepted the fact he probably did know. Kylie had likely mentioned it to him at some point, probably even encouraged him to do the same. Whatever it took to ensure the children were taken care of if something bad happened. She had always worried because their relationship was complicated. While Travis and Kylie were legally married, they weren’t legally married to Gage. Sure, there was a contract that bound them and covered some legalities, but it didn’t cover everything.
He took in a ragged breath, let it out.
How was he supposed to wake up every single day without her? How was he supposed to want to live another day without her? He wasn’t even sure he could. She was their everything. All of them. They were lost without her.
How in the fuck was he ever going to be able to sleep in their bed knowing she would never be there again? Knowing he would never have the rare moment of watching her sleep? Or waking up and making love to her before the day got started?
Tears dripped unchecked down his face as his chest constricted with every breath.
Who was going to be there to remind him that his socks did not belong on the floor of the bathroom? Or that it was his turn to pick up the kids from daycare? Or suggest he hire someone to mow the lawn because it would simply be easier and the kid down the street was looking to make some money for video games?
And the kids … God, how were they going to get through every single day without seeing their beautiful, loving mother? Who would make Kate chicken-and-stars soup when she didn’t feel well? Or add cut-up hot dogs to Avery’s macaroni and cheese? Who would cuddle with Kade on the couch and sneak bites of chocolate chip cookie dough right out of the tub while they thought no one was watching? Who would sing Haden those silly lullabies that Kylie made up because it made him laugh? And Maddox … would he even remember that his mother told him every night that she loved him to the moon and back?
She was gone. Kylie was dead and their lives were forever changed. The sun would never be as bright, as warm as it had once been.
And how in the fuck was Gage ever going to be able to look at Travis and not blame him for getting their wife killed?
A knock sounded on the door and Travis brought the room into focus. He didn’t bother wiping the tears. It wouldn’t matter. More would fall.
The door opened and his dad appeared. “Are you ready?”
Travis shook his head.
Never.
He would never be ready to say goodbye to Kylie one last time.
*
“We should go.”
Brantley looked up from his computer screen, saw Reese standing in the doorway to his office. He was wearing a suit, one of a few Brantley hadn’t even known the man had. Despite the gloom of the day laid out before them, he couldn’t help but think Reese looked handsome when he was all starched and pressed.
Sighing, Brantley glanced at his computer again, then closed the lid. He got to his feet, snagged his tie from where he’d tossed it on his desk.
“What were you workin’ on?”
“JJ sent a list of people Juliet’s associated with.”
“I saw it.” Reese started down the stairs. “I skimmed it last night. Sent her a couple more to add.”
Brantley followed, settling his tie around his neck. When they reached the bottom, Reese shrugged into his jacket while Brantley looked into the hallway mirror, adjusting the tie beneath his collar. He attempted the knot then grunted when he had to start over.
“Here,” Reese said, putting his hand on Brantley’s shoulder and turning him.
Brantley stared into Reese’s face while the man worked the tie like a pro. Less than a minute later, the damn thing was properly restricting his airway.
“I hate funerals,” Brantley admitted, although he wasn’t sure what speaking it aloud did.
“I do, too.”
With keys in hand, Brantley led the way out to the truck.
For the past few days, Brantley and Reese had divided their time between working with JJ and Baz to find Juliet Prince and assisting Trey and Charlie with family duties. Being that Charlie was dating Autumn Jameson, one of Travis’s cousins, she was helping out by babysitting and getting food when it was needed. Trey was filling in where he could, running errands for Curtis and Lorrie while assisting Reese with Walker Demo. Brantley hadn’t done much, but he’d made a point to ensure he was around if someone needed anything.
He figured it was beneficial in times like this to have such a large family. Not to mention to live in a small town. Every time you turned around, there was someone willing to help even if those grieving the most barely noticed what was going on around them.
The hardest part for Brantley was feeling as though this was his fault. It was difficult to look Travis or Gage in the eye knowing that if he’d only worked a little harder, searched a little more, it was possible he would’ve taken Juliet Prince down and this never would’ve happened. He knew the team was feeling the same, which was the reason JJ and Baz were working nonstop to find her. They’d enlisted the help of Luca Switzer as well as their new counterparts at Sniper 1 Security.
Still no luck and he hated the idea the bitch might go to ground again.
When he got to the truck, he held out his keys to Reese.
“You want me to drive?” The surprise in Reese’s tone almost made him smile.
“It seems fitting that it’s rainin’,” Brantley said as they headed toward town.
The temperature had dropped, too, almost as though Mother Nature was mourning this loss along with them.
“My brother and RT made it down,” Reese said. “They’re plannin’ to stay a while. Help with the investigation.”
“We’ve got a guest room,” he said absently, staring out the window.
“I offered it.”
They drove in silence the rest of the way, neither of them feeling the need for small talk.
A short time later, Brantley was filing into the church behind his uncle Joseph and aunt Rosalynn. They were greeted by Pastor Bob then by Kylie’s father, Joe Prescott, and Joe’s wife, Melissa. Curtis and Lorrie were there, as was Travis, who was standing off to the side, alone. Brantley didn’t see Gage or the kids yet but knew they were coming.
Everyone was coming today. It wouldn’t surprise him if the entire town was there to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of a woman who’d been beloved by all.
*
Gage stared out the window, watching the trees pass by in a blur.