Didn’t he care?
Storm murmured, "I got pizza, Cyan."
Whatever I expected his first words to be, they weren’t that.
As they whirred away, I was left on the doorstep, and that was when Rex asked, softly, "Hey Keira. How’re you doing, honey?"
His kindness was jarring. Not because he’d ever been anything other than that with me, but because I’d expected Storm’s reaction to be violent.
Instead, it was passive.
Hell, it wasn’t even passive. It was non-existent.
Did he know? Had Jump not told him?
No, that wasn’t likely. I’d made no friends at the clubhouse, so why would Jump protect me when I’d made no overtures? Hell, I even made him pay for coffee at the diner.
Had I misunderstood?
Had I…
Guilt hit me.
I’d never thought about it, not actively, but I knew Jump watched over me. It was both irritating and nice to know that I was safe. But I also knew he reported back to Storm. Which meant… God. Had I wanted to hurt Storm? Did I want to make him react?
Make him jealous?
Why would I want that? We were over. Done. Through. Weren’t we?
Confused, and suddenly weepy at how cruel I’d been, letting Storm find out about my date through a subordinate, I shot Rex a wobbly smile and murmured, "You’re the one who should be answering that, Rex. I’m so sorry about Bear."
He sucked in a breath that he released slowly. "You going to come inside?"
Oddly shaken, I moved into the entranceway, closing the door behind me. That was when Rex was suddenly there, and he surprised me by curving his arms around my waist and holding me in a warm embrace.
I’d just left one man’s bed, I didn’t need affection from Rex who was as much of a stranger to me as Jared because of how distant I’d always been with the club, but it was easier to hug him back. To have him hold me and to hold him. This was Storm’s friend. His brother.
"Don’t give up on him, Keira," he whispered in my ear, like he knew my mind and heart and soul were torn in all directions. "You could never hate Storm as much as he hates himself."
I swallowed, because it had taken Bear’s death and my learning about his past to recognize the truth in what Rex was saying.
I didn’t get it.
How my self-confident, brash ex-husband could have low self-esteem issues, but hell, ya lived and ya learned.
"Some things aren’t meant to be," was my raw response, because I didn’t know what else to say. I was still getting my head around Storm’s issues, and I was feeling like a fool for not having seen them for myself.
I couldn’t blame him for that, either. I had personal issues that he’d worked hard to resolve, but apparently, I’d never bothered to reciprocate.
After breastfeeding Cyan, my breasts had changed, and he’d always celebrated them. When a woman at a PTA meeting had called me a whore for being with a Sinner, something he knew was a trigger because of my parents, he’d done something, something he’d never shared with me, and she’d apologized to me the next day. Every problem I encountered was never too small or too big for him to handle.
He was always there.
Always.
Yet, somehow, my husband had self-harming tendencies and I didn’t know. He had addiction issues, and look at me, being all in the dark.
Christ, maybe I was a worse wife than he was a husband.
The thought had my chewing on the inside of my cheek.
Had he strayed because those women had seen the real him? They’d understood his weaknesses, his flaws? Whereas self-obsessed Keira had just been happy playing stay-at-home Mommy and living in her bubble while he dealt with massive emotional and psychological traumas on his own?
God, had I pushed him away? Why hadn’t he considered me a safe haven? A port of calm in the storm that was his life? Why had he fixed all my issues but never let me do the same for him?
Didn’t he think I could?
I’d been dumb at the start of our marriage. Always running away, making him chase me. I’d been scared, though, and I could admit now, immature. I hadn’t been ready to be a wife or a mother and instead, I’d been both.
Kendra had told me Storm said I was weak. Too weak for another kid. But did he mean that in life too?
"I think we both know that’s bullshit," Rex’s grumble jerked me from my pity party. He pulled back, but his arms stayed around me. "I saw your expression. You were on tenterhooks."
I shook my head. "No, I—"
"You were waiting on his reaction to him finding out about your hook-up, and you weren’t happy about what you got…" He dipped down and pressed a kiss to my temple that was oddly paternal. "My dad cheated on my mom, Keira. Years before she died. They got back together, they came back to one another, and knowing Dad, he wouldn’t have lied to her. She’d have known what he did. But they were stronger than before. I know that.
"My dad lived for her and she lived for him, and they were like the dream team. H-He died on Christmas Day, but I know the real day he died was the day the sheriff found her on that road."
Eyes watering in the face of his grief, I choked out, "We’re not your parents. We’re different."
"Did you know that after a bone breaks, for a short time, it’s stronger than it was before? It doesn’t last forever, but that’s a period of grace worth dissecting, don’t you think? Maybe that’s something you should think about?
"Instead of hooking up with guys who make you look at Storm with longing and regret, you should focus on what really matters—your feelings for him.
"I get that you want to punish him. Jackass in there deserves it. But I’m telling you now, you will never understand the lengths Storm has gone to to protect you, to serve you as a husband." His lips turned white under pressure. "That’s on him, because he’s a close-mouthed fucker, but just trust me on this, Keira."
I stared up at him. "Like, what? He cheated, Rex—"
"Does that counter every good thing he’s ever done for you? For your marriage? Do a handful of acts take away from years of—"
"How do you know it’s a handful?" I bit off angrily, jerking away from him. "A handful of times a night, more like. He had a goddamn girlfriend at the clubhouse—"
"No," Rex retorted, shaking his head. "He went crazy after you left him. That I will tell you. But you were over. You can’t hold him accountable for that, not when you’re coming back with a hickey from another guy right this second because you’re separated." Flushing, my hand swept up to my throat. I covered it, glowering at him, but he carried on, "Before, no. It happened, but there was no relationship."
Gnawing on my lip, I rasped, "I want to believe you." I wanted so badly to believe him, but that bitch Kendra was still squawking in my head.
We had a baby together, but I had to have an abortion. The baby wasn’t…right. Storm was so sad but he was there for all of it. He was so supportive, he held my hand and everything. I know he wants more kids, but he thinks you’re too weak to have them. We keep trying but we haven’t been blessed yet.
Was it terrible to admit that I could have dealt with the cheating? I’d been raised knowing Dad was unfaithful—his hypocrisy had disturbed me more.