He started to take off her hospital gown, but she touched his chest, stopping him, tears welling in her eyes. “I want to go home today. Please. I need to be home.”
“Okay, baby. I’ll drive you home.”
“No. You can’t miss your tour because of me. People waited a long time to see you.”
“Amber, if you think I’m leaving you, you’re crazy.” He didn’t want her stuck in a fucking car for hours when she should be lying in a comfortable bed sleeping, letting him take care of her, much less leave her side for a second.
Her lower lip trembled, and she curled her fingers into the front of his shirt, but she did it lightly, as if it took all of her energy to hold on. “I will never forgive myself if you miss your tour. Don’t do that to me.”
He gritted his teeth, Sable’s voice trampling through his head. The minute she thinks she’s holding you back is the moment you’ll lose her forever.
“Please?” Tears spilled from her eyes. “Give me your phone. I’ll call my parents to come get me.” She held out her hand, eyes pleading, breaking his heart in two.
“No,” he said firmly. “I’m driving you home. I’ll catch a flight out from Virginia tonight.”
“Promise?”
“Damn it, Amber.” How can you ask me to leave you again?
She put her hand on his cheek, slaying him anew with that silent plea. “Dash. I’ll be fine. I’ll be with my family. Promise me.”
He reluctantly nodded and gently gathered her in his arms, trying to escape the feeling that he’d just betrayed the woman he loved.
AMBER SLEPT NEARLY the whole way back to Virginia, and the few times she’d woken up, Dash was quick to make sure she was okay. She’d been so scared when she’d realized what had happened, all she’d wanted was to get home to her family, someplace familiar, where she felt safer. Her head throbbed, her body ached, and now that some of the fear had subsided, all she really wanted was to be in Dash’s arms and sleep until the sun came up. But as she headed up to her house tucked against his side, she knew she couldn’t ask that of him, because he would do it in a heartbeat, and she couldn’t live with that.
The front door opened and her parents stepped onto her porch. Her sisters, Trace, and Graham appeared behind them. Amber had a cavalry at the ready, and she loved them to the ends of the earth, but even they weren’t enough to heal the gaping wounds she was about to cause.
“Honey.” Her mother stepped off the porch and embraced her.
“I’m okay,” Amber reassured her, although even she could hear the lie in her words as her sisters surrounded her.
“I’ll get your bags, babe.” Dash headed for the car.
She was glad her father, Trace, and Graham followed him, because he needed support, too. Sable pulled Amber into her arms, hugging her too tight. Amber endured the oxygen-depriving embrace, because she knew Sable shared the same soul-deep need to protect her as Dash did, and they had something else in common, too—the guilt that swallowed them whole when they couldn’t. Sable didn’t say a word, just released her and turned away, but not before Amber saw the tears in her toughest sister’s eyes.
“We know you have to rest, but we just needed to see that you were okay,” Brindle said as they ushered her inside.
Dash carried her bags into the bedroom, while the others doted on her, asking if she needed anything, if she hurt, and what they could do to help. But she was barely holding herself together, and when Dash came out of the bedroom looking as grief-stricken as she felt, it took everything she had not to let her tears flow. The only flight he could get was leaving from Charlottesville, and he’d miss it if he hung around trying to take care of her.
“Can you give us a minute?” Amber said to her family, and they shuffled toward the kitchen. She took Dash’s hand and headed to the front door.
“Babe, don’t make me leave you.”
“You have to. I refuse to be a damsel in distress who ruins the life of the man she loves.”
“What are you talking about? The life I love is with you.”
She didn’t want to argue, and she didn’t want her family to hear them, so she stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind them. “I’m only part of your life. You worked hard to write your book and get it out there. Thousands of people are excited to meet you, and you deserve to enjoy the fanfare of your accomplishment. I’ll be fine with my family.”
His jaw tightened, and he shook his head. “You sent me away last time. You can’t keep putting me in a box and not letting me help you.”
“I’m not. I’m keeping you out of my box. Just for now, so you can finish your tour. Then we can figure all of this out.”
“Figure it out?” His harsh tone stung. “Are you questioning us now?”
“No, but something has to change, or get fixed, or…” Tears slid down her cheeks, and she choked back a sob. “You need to finish your tour, and I need to see my doctor and figure out if I can ever have a different life than the one I’ve lived, or if I’ll always be…” The person who holds you back. “If I’ll always have trouble doing new things.”
He looked up at the sky, anguish rolling off him as he pulled her into his arms. “Then we won’t do new things. I don’t care as long as we’re together.”
“You do care, Dash. You love going out and doing things, and I love doing them with you.” Her tears wet his shirt. “But I won’t suffocate you.”
“You could never suffocate me.” He tipped her face up, anger and hurt staring back at her. He swallowed hard, and a strained smile started to appear. “I’m planting you an oak-tree forest, remember? It’s you and me, babe, and a house full of acorns.”
She laughed through her tears, knowing he’d plant a dozen forests if she wanted them. But was any of this fair to him? What if this happened every time they tried to do something new? He might be okay with it now, but how would he feel about it in a year? Two years?
Gathering her courage, she tried to get him to see where she was coming from. “Seeds don’t just become wonderful things. They can take root and nurture ugly feelings, too, like doubt and resentment.”
“I could never doubt us or resent you.”
“You don’t know that,” she snapped, frustration and hurt pummeling her. “Bad seeds take longer to sprout and show themselves, but they start with a single seed that gets hurt and burrows deep, and then all the other bad seeds pile on, building over time. You don’t even know they’re there until it’s too late and their roots are too tangled up to get rid of. I already ruined your debut signing. If you cancel the rest of the tour, that’s like a dozen more bad seeds just waiting to take root. Add the experiences you saw for yourself that I can’t give you on top of all of those bad seeds, and it’s a recipe for resentment.” The words flew from her lips unexpected, painful shards of glass.
“What are you talking about?” Confusion riddled his brow.
“Seeing your wife pregnant.” She sobbed. “Talking to the baby while it’s in her belly. I don’t want to be the one who takes those special things away from you.”