“Yes, and you will have a risk of seizures forever. But epilepsy doesn’t define your life, sweetheart. You do.”
“They go hand in hand.”
“Not always. When we first found out you had epilepsy, I didn’t want to let you out of my sight. If it were up to me and we could have afforded it, I would have quit my job, taken you out of school, and tied a leash between us. But that wouldn’t have been good for you. Thank God your mother knew that and helped me understand why. As much as I wanted to keep you under my thumb, I had to earn a living, and we had six other children who had playdates and activities. Our lives couldn’t stop. We still took you kids to the park and festivals, to see Aunt Roxie and your cousins in New York. You all still rode horses and chased each other around.”
“I think Dash would like to do that whole leash thing, too.”
“Would he? Does he want to put you in a protective bubble? Limit the things you do and the places you go?” His tone softened. “Or does he just want a life with you any way he can have it as long as you’re safe?”
“I don’t know. All of it?” But he hadn’t tried to hide her away from the world in a protective bubble. He’d tried to help her live life to the fullest. “I don’t want him to give up his life, Dad, or limit himself because of my medical disorder.”
“I didn’t realize he had to. You’ve always had a good sense of what you need. You found ways to slow down that made you feel more in control, and we allowed it,” he said as they turned down another road, heading toward Main Street. “But I worry that somewhere along the way, you got so comfortable living within the confines of your fear of having seizures, you’ve forgotten what it was like to live your life and experience new things.”
“I wondered about that, too, but twelve stitches tell me that the way I was living was better than what I did this weekend.”
“Was it? Were you happier before you and Dash got together?”
“No, but that fall terrified me, and the only thing that’s changed from when I was seizure-free is me and Dash and the person he’s uncovered.”
“Do you like that person?”
“Yeah,” she admitted. “But she’s not good for me.”
“I don’t know about that. You’re out there living a more exciting life than you ever have, and yes, you’ve had seizures during that time. But you seem happier than ever lately, so to say the part of yourself that Dash is discovering is not good for you doesn’t seem fair.”
He was quiet for a minute, and she knew he was letting his words sink in.
“You and Dash really are something together.” He let out a little laugh.
“What’re you laughing at? None of this is funny.”
“I was just thinking about the night you accidentally tripped the seizure alarm on your necklace.”
“Okay, that was funny, and embarrassing.”
“And yet you survived it, and Dash protected you from the fallout. When I heard about that, he got my vote. You know, your mother and I did something similar once.”
“Oh God. Do I want to hear this?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Grace was only about a year old when Sable and Pepper were born, and your mother and I never got time alone. So one day I came home early from work and lucked out. All three of them were napping. It was a miracle. A sign from the heavens above. At least that’s what I told your mother when I convinced her that we should take advantage of the peace and quiet. We got a little carried away, and she forgot she had dinner in the oven. It burned to a crisp, and the whole kitchen filled with smoke. The fire alarms went off, and all three girls woke up crying. I was sure that was it, and I’d never be allowed to make love to my wife again.”
“She obviously didn’t cut you off, since you have seven kids.”
“She wanted to, trust me. But some loves are too strong to deny. There was no more nap-time lovin’ for us, but I did buy baby monitors, and those suckers went everywhere with us.”
“Dad, what do baby monitors have to do with it? Don’t you think you should have come up with a rule to turn the oven off before you fooled around from then on?”
“Huh.” Her father scratched his head. “But if we’d heard the first baby wake up, we could have kept her from waking up the others.”
“Dad.” She shook her head.
“Aw, heck. I guess I got a little rambly with my sage advice and got off course. What can I say? I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight. The point I was trying to make is that life isn’t about avoiding the things you want just because they might cause you trouble. It’s about finding ways to have it all and making modifications and compromises despite the fears.”
She rested her head on his shoulder as they neared Main Street. “I don’t know how to do that with this situation. I don’t want to be a burden on Dash.”
“A burden? We always taught you that having epilepsy was just another part of who you were, like the color of your hair or the freckles on your shoulders.”
“I know, and that’s how I live my life. I show people who I am, and if they choose not to accept me, then that’s on them.”
“That’s right, darlin’. Doesn’t Dash deserve the same respect?”
“What do you mean?”
“It sounds to me like he’s shown you who he is, and instead of taking him for his word, you’re trying to decide how he lives his life. What happened was traumatic for both of you. You’re not setting him free, princess. You climbed back into the cage you built for yourself when you were thirteen years old, and you sent him away with clipped wings.”
“Dad, he wanted to give up the rest of his book tour, and for what? To sit at home and take care of me?”
“Darlin, that’s what love is. It’s putting the person you love ahead of yourself, for better or worse. Quite frankly, if he’d wanted to hightail it out of town to finish the tour, I’d have worried that he wasn’t the right man for you.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “You don’t see that as me being a burden on him? Ruining his life?”
“No.”
“Oh, Daddy.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “Love is so confusing. I made a mistake. I need to call him. I need to go see him. I didn’t mean to clip his wings. What if he doesn’t forgive me?”
“I think he already has.” Her father hugged her against his side as they turned onto Main Street.
Amber looked up and saw lanterns hanging in the trees, lighting a path to her bookstore. A yellow pennant hung on a limb closest to them, and paper stars dangled from the trees. Her heart leapt as she grabbed the pennant, tearing it from the limb, and read what Dash had written on it. Montgomery earns a penalty flag for unnecessary roughness. She turned it over. Penalty: 15 kisses and an automatic second base.
She laughed through her tears and ran to the first star, unhooking it as she read his note. Amber & Dash’s Playbook of Rewritten Stars. Clutching the pennant and the star, she made her way to the next star, and the next, tearing them down and reading them as she went.
We’re on the same team.
No more solo rule making.