“Well, two reasons, really. Right now, I’m pissed. But even if I wasn’t, I still don’t think it’s a good idea that we do all that.”
“All that.”
“Yes.” I wave my hand. “Y’know, the whole song and dance where we pretend you aren’t leaving soon.”
For the first time, his smile slips. His eyes narrow and I swear, he almost looks annoyed with me.
“So you’re just going to decide that for the both of us.”
I uncross my arms and prop my hands behind me on the car, cool and unaffected—at least on the outside. “Sure am.”
He hums, and I can tell he’s not quite done with the subject even as he moves on.
“Right. Now go ahead and tell me why you’re pissed.”
My annoyance from earlier creeps right back in. I hate that it feels like he’s the one conducting this conversation, always in control.
“How much do I owe you, Ben?”
My question catches him off guard, and at first, he plays dumb.
“For dinner last night?”
“Sure, that on top of all the money you ‘donated’ to my nan with that phony foundation.”
He cocks his brow. “The foundation is real.”
“Great. So have them take the money back.”
“Doesn’t work like that, Birdie.”
I lean forward. “You had no right to give her money like that.”
“You would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes.”
I look away because yeah, he’s right. If I could help someone in my position and I had the means, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Still, I don’t like it. I wish he had consulted me about it even though I understand why he didn’t. I would have flat-out refused. I hate the position I’m in. I know this is a good thing for Nan. A wonderful thing, in fact. She’ll get the best care available thanks to Ben, but I feel bad about taking a handout, and I want to know just how much he gave us.
“How much, Ben?”
He sighs in frustration. “I honestly don’t know. My financial manager was in contact with your grandmother’s nursing home. They suggested an amount that would cover her end-of-life care, and he facilitated the payment.”
I’m quiet as I stare out at the forest, trying to cool my temper. I can feel him studying me and I wonder what he must think, what he could possibly be doing standing here with a girl like me, getting tangled up in my life.
“I promise it was nothing much. Really.”
My eyes start to sting as tears gather on my lashes. I blink quickly, trying to wash them away.
“It was a really kind thing you did,” I manage, still not looking his way.
If I do, there’s no telling how many tears will fall.
“I didn’t look at it that way. It just seemed like an injustice to me. You shouldn’t be in this position. You should have never had to quit school and move back here, working two jobs and living in that trailer to help take care of your nan. You should never have been left like this all on your own.”
I look back at him and smile, and it encompasses every ounce of injustice and sadness I’ve felt over the last few months. “Haven’t you heard? Life’s not fair, especially for people like me.”
He looks crushed, and I realize I wasn’t too good at keeping my tears at bay. They roll down my cheeks unbidden before I look back down at the ground, wiping them away furiously.
He reaches up and drops his hand on my shoulder, real slow and gentle, like he’s worried I’ll spook. His hand curves around my shoulder as he tugs me close and envelops me in both arms. I smell him everywhere. It’s like the world only exists with him in it. My eyes close and my head falls into the crook of his neck. The ball of anxiety in my stomach unravels for the first time in a long while.
Then he teases, “You really won’t give me your number?”
I almost smile at the fact that we’re already back to that subject. I knew he wouldn’t let it go.
“I told you I don’t want to do that.”
“What? Talk?”
“No. Just…let’s keep things casual. If I see you, I see you.”
He quiet after that, hugging me in silence. Then he steps back, and something shifts when we meet each other’s eyes. It’s the strangest thing to be around someone you haven’t known that long but who feels like your most intimate friend. A person who’s felt you on the inside, seen you on the inside, and yet there are so many details missing: birthdays, middle names, favorite foods. Getting to know him more is a dangerous game, though. He’s the very definition of too good to be true. I know he’s leaving, and even still, I’m getting swept up in the idea of us being together. It’s unhealthy and sad. A surefire way to land me a broken heart.
I make my apologies, slide off the car, and head for home before I do something stupid like follow him back to his cabin and give in to him a second night in a row.
Chapter Seventeen
Raelynn
It’s early morning, predawn, and I’m sitting at the table in my trailer, sipping coffee. When I can, I try to make a batch with my cheap French press before I head into the diner. It’s much nicer to sit and enjoy my morning cup while I read than when I’m running around like a crazy person at work. It’s dark outside and earlier than I used to ever dare dream of waking up. My teenage self would call me crazy if she knew I would one day willingly wake up earlier than I absolutely had to so I could get things done before work.
Usually, I’d have a textbook or journal spread out before me. Occasionally, I’ll read through some old notes from my classes to brush up on the material. Today, however, I’m contemplating my path forward. Ben’s donation changes a lot of things, but not everything. I can’t go back to California right now. I can’t leave Nan. I could quit one of my jobs, but I’d rather keep working both and save up as much as I can so that when the time comes for me to leave, I’m prepared to do it. I do think I’ll cut back one of my days with the cleaning company though so I can have another free afternoon with Nan. I’m going to coordinate her first session with the occupational therapist today and ensure I’ll be able to be there with her.
I finish my coffee and change into my dress for the diner, smoothing out a few wrinkles before tossing my hair into a ponytail and heading out. When I pull into the parking lot at Dale’s, I spot a familiar black SUV parked right by the front door. I park beside it and get out, laughing under my breath when I catch Ben asleep in the front seat. For a fleeting moment, I take him in with his head propped up by his hand and his sharp features in sweet repose. He’s so unbelievably attractive sometimes it just hits me square in the gut.
How annoying that he gets to go through life looking like that.
I tap the window with my knuckle and he jolts awake. I laugh as he wipes sleep from his eyes and opens his door.
“Did you sleep here all night?” I ask, genuinely worried he might have.
He’s wearing lounge pants and a t-shirt sculpted across his broad shoulders. His hair is a rumpled, sexy mess.
He scrubs a hand down his face, clearly still tired. “No. Since I can’t just call you, I woke up early and drove out to see you. Wanted to get here before you started work.”