It was about the Family. The Family I’d sworn my loyalty—my life—to.
But it had never felt more of a burden than it did in that moment.
Chapter 21
Caitlin
“She did not,” Arabella and Alessia giggled as I told them about the time Marielle had kicked a guy in the balls for getting too handsy with her.
Nicco and Matteo probably didn’t want me corrupting their little sisters with stories from the strip club. But it wasn’t like I had anything else to tell them. My childhood wasn’t normal. There were no cute stories about my high school boyfriend and prom. I didn’t have a romantic first-time story or any anecdotes from being on the cheer squad or being student body president.
“What happened to the guy?”
“He had to ice his balls.”
Nora stifled a chuckle while Arianne looked a little horrified.
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Relax, babe,” Nora said. “This is the best thing I’ve heard all day. Besides, serves the asshole right for touching instead of looking.”
I liked Nora. She was feisty in a way I’d always wished I was. She and Arianne had turned up armed with wine and the five of us had spent the last couple of hours sitting around, drinking and talking. It was nice. Normal even.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was Matteo’s attempt at softening me up to the ultimatum he’d dropped on me.
“Who’s that?” Alessia asked Bella who was clutching her cell phone.
“No one.” Her eyes flicked to mine but quickly dropped when I frowned.
Matteo.
Even now, he was keeping an eye on me, using his sister to do his bidding.
I didn’t know how to feel about that.
But I couldn’t deny that part of me liked that he cared so much. Not that it changed anything.
“This is nice,” Nora said. “Taking a break from city life.”
“You mean from Enzo.” Bella snickered.
“I mean, I love the guy, but let a girl breathe.” She grinned. “But the sex… holy mother of God, the sex is—”
“Okay, Nor.” Arianne leaned over and covered her friend’s mouth. “I think that’s enough wine for you, and definitely enough share time.”
“They’re not kids, Ari. They know all about the birds and bees. Hell, I bet they’ve already—”
“Okay.” Arianne grabbed Nora’s arm and yanked her up. “We’ll just be in the kitchen. Getting Nora a nice, big glass of cold water.”
“Yes, Mom.” Nora rolled her eyes, as she let Arianne pull her away.
“God, I want to be Nora when I’m older,” Bella let out a deep sigh. “She’s just so… confident, you know? She knows what she wants, and she goes after it. I admire that.”
“It’s a good quality to have,” I murmured, draining my glass. Something told me I was going to need a lot more where that came from if I was going to survive tonight.
“What would you go after, Sia?” Bella mused. “If you could have anything, what would it be?”
“I don’t know.” Nicco’s sister gave a half-shrug. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Oh, don’t give me that. There must be something… or maybe, someone.” Arabella waggled her eyebrows.
“Is there a boy at school you like?” I asked.
“Try man,” Bella coughed, smirking.
“Bella!”
“What? I think Tristan is hot too.”
“Tristan, who is he… remind me again?” I said.
“Arianne’s cousin. The man is fine with a capital F. But he’s older. Too old. And he’s technically family now. I guess it’s weird.”
“I don’t like Tristan, Bella. You’re being ridiculous.”
“It’s not like Matteo or Nicco will ever let us date anyway.” Arabella flopped back into the heap of cushions and looked up at the ceiling. “No one will ever be good enough in their eyes.”
“You won’t be sixteen forever,” I said. “In a couple of years, you’ll be your own woman. Old enough to make your own decisions.”
Her eyes slid to mine. “You have met the three of them, right?”
“They just care. You should feel very lucky to have them.” My chest constricted with every word.
If only I had a big brother or an older cousin to look out for me, things might have gone differently.
But I didn’t.
And I couldn’t spend my life living in the past, when I was constantly trying to figure out how to live in the present.
“Did you ever dance at the club?” Arabella asked me out of nowhere.
“I… uh, at first, for a little bit. But I didn’t like it.”
“You didn’t?” She leaned up on her elbows.
“No. You see, I used to dance. Before I moved to Providence.”
“In a strip club?”
“No, in a dance company.”
“What kind of dance?”
“Anything. Ballet. Jazz. Lyrical. Contemporary.”
“That’s so cool. I always wanted to be a ballerina when I was a kid, but I have the coordination of Bambi.”
“I’m sure you don’t.”
“Oh, she does,” Alessia piped up, chuckling
“You said you used to dance?”
“Yeah.” My heart cracked. “I had to stop.”
“Why?”
“I… I moved here and life got in the way.”
The truth was, I hadn’t had the extra money for lessons. And then, once Zander found out I loved to dance, he’d put me to good use. And I hated him for it. I respected the dancers at DiMarco’s, admired them even. They owned their bodies and used them to their full advantage. But dancing was something I never wanted to be used against me, ever again.
Something I would never forgive him for.
“There’s an amazing theater in the city. They have an in-house ballet company. One of the best in New England. We should go one time. I’m sure Nicco could get—”
“Bella,” Alessia chided, shaking her head.
“That would be nice,” I said, wanting to break the sudden tension.
Thankfully, Nora and Arianne chose that moment to rejoin us. “What did we miss?” Nora asked.
“Caitlin is a dancer.” Bella beamed. “A ballet dancer.”
“No way.”
I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ears. “An old hobby I don’t get much time for these days.”
Sympathy flickered in Nora’s gaze. She hadn’t pressed me about anything; neither had Arianne. But it was always there, in the space between us. The elephant in the room.
“Hey, we should speak to the guys about a girls’ night out sometime. Maybe if—” Nora stopped herself, guilt shining in her eyes. “Shit, my bad.”
“What?” Bella asked. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” I forced a smile. I didn’t want them to worry, and I didn’t want her or Alessia to look at me any differently. Because I wasn’t sure I could face becoming a victim in the eyes of these innocent pure girls, still full of dreams and hopes and so much goodness it radiated from them like sunshine.