“You know what you can always count on from someone like me, who’s lost everything?” Sigmund asked.
“What?”
“The truth. I have no fucks left to give.”
I looked up. “Lay it on me, cousin.”
“Nothing else matters, Leo. You’re in love with Felicity. You’re afraid to hurt Darcie, but you know what? You already fucking are. You already fucking did—the moment you ran to Felicity the first chance you got. You think Darcie doesn’t know? You think she’s stupid? But she’s willing to put up with it because she loves you.” He shook his head. “You can’t let her do that.”
All my life I’d been enduring my cousin’s frank advice. But it had never mattered more than this moment. He’d put things in a way I hadn’t considered—that Darcie wanted our marriage to work badly enough to put up with my being in love with someone else.
“I needed to hear that,” I told him.
“Good. That’s what I’m here for.”
Rubbing my temples, I said, “I have a lot to think about.”
“Take your time, Leo, but don’t take too much time. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that time is never guaranteed.”
* * *
Felicity
Track 24: “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston
“I hope she’d be okay with this,” I said, holding one of Mrs. Angelini’s ceramic bunny figurines.
“Come on,” Bailey said. “What are you going to do with a hundred of these things?”
“I know. But I feel like she might have wanted me to keep these.”
“You can’t keep everything, Felicity. She would want you to have space to make this place your own. You’re keeping more than half of her stuff as it is.”
I’d decided to run a yard sale to raise money to replace the roof of Mrs. Angelini’s house. While she’d left me some money to be used for that kind of thing, it wouldn’t last forever. The property taxes were bad enough. And with me not working right now, a yard sale seemed like a reasonable idea. Along with smaller items for sale were some larger antiques.
She held up one of my Hello Kitty T-shirts. “This is yours, right? Why are you getting rid of it? I thought you loved these T-shirts.”
That was true, but the shirt she held was the one I’d brought to England. It had to go. It wasn’t like I didn’t have a dozen others. And in the likely event there were no takers, I’d donate it.
“That one reminds me of Leo, so I’m parting with it,” I told her.
Bailey hesitated. “Have you heard from him?”
“No. He hasn’t called since that one time.”
After I’d landed back in the US three months ago, Leo had called to let me know he fully understood why I’d left, and to make sure I knew there were no hard feelings about my decision. He said my coming to England had made him realize he had a lot of soul searching to do when it came to his marriage and his life, in general. He’d asked if he could contact me again. He said he couldn’t live without knowing how I was doing, that he needed to make sure I was okay.
Now I felt like I’d already experienced the worst of what life had to offer me where Leo was concerned. I’d met his wife, for heaven’s sake. I didn’t think I could hurt any more than I already had. So, I’d agreed that he could reach out from time to time.
But he hadn’t contacted me since that day, and I certainly had no guarantee that I’d ever hear from him again. I was trying my best to move on from what had happened this past August, but not a day went by that I didn’t think of him. I still loved him as much as I ever had. A love that’s interrupted is a love, nevertheless. I just hoped someday the pain and longing would lessen.
In the meantime, I was doing what I always did: burying my face in books. I’d be taking the Rhode Island bar exam in February, which was only a few months away. I needed to make sure I passed so I could find a job here and get my life on track once and for all.
The yard sale earned me just over three-thousand dollars, which was about a fourth of the cost of the roof replacement, but it was better than nothing.
It was too cold now anyway to start those repairs. Hopefully, I would find a way to save more money by the time I scheduled the roof work in the spring.
My life as of late was a solitary one. Aside from occasional visits to Bailey in Providence, I spent my days alone, studying and slowly fixing up the house. My morning routine was breakfast, followed by reading law books and quizzing myself. Then I’d break for lunch and coffee before spending the afternoons doing house stuff. I’d follow that up with a daily trip to the market for fresh produce before returning home to cook something for dinner that would leave me with leftovers for lunch the next day. Then, I’d spend the rest of the evening setting up my planners or watching some TV. Repeat.
November was always a beautiful time on the bay. Even though it was too cold to enjoy the water, the last of the fall foliage season was in full swing. The gorgeous orange, yellow, and red leaves on the trees surrounding the property and across Narragansett were stunning.
Lately, I’d been throwing on a heavy coat and sitting out back with my afternoon coffee each day. The sunshine helped to offset the otherwise brisk air. I’d take my binoculars outside to admire the foliage across the bay. The trees over there were even more colorful than the ones on this side. And yes, of course, each and every time my eyes passed over Leo’s old house, I would think of him. That never changed.
This particular afternoon of leaf peeping, though, was unlike any of the others. As I held the binoculars to my eyes and admired the trees in the distance, I nearly dropped them at the sight of someone staring back at me. At first I thought I was hallucinating.
This can’t be.
I am absolutely seeing things.
But then, holding his own binoculars to his eyes, he waved.
This time my binoculars did slip out of my grasp and land on the grass below. My hand went to my chest as I tried to contain my pounding heart.
I ran into the house, turned on the sink, and splashed my face with water. I had to be seeing things that weren’t really there.
Then my phone chimed. I looked down at the screen to find a text.
Leo: Where did you go? Come back.
Oh my God.
What. Is. Happening?
With shaky hands, I picked up the phone and typed.
Felicity: I thought I was hallucinating.
Leo: It’s me, Felicity. You’re not seeing things.
Felicity: I know that now. I just don’t understand what you’re doing here.
Leo: I have a lot to explain, don’t I?
Felicity: Uh, yes.
Leo: Can I come across the bay to see you?
My hands continued to shake as I typed.
Felicity: OMG. What are you doing here???
Leo: It’s better if I explain in person, don’t you think?
Rather than respond, I just stared at the screen. The dots danced as he typed.