“Like maybe she was married?”
Leo glared at me.
“I swear that wasn’t a dig at you.” I laughed.
“Actually, that did cross his mind,” Leo explained with a smile. “Anyway, out on the platform where she waited for her ride, he told her she wasn’t going to lose him unless she gave him a good reason why. She just kept telling him he’d be better off not knowing, that they would both be better off just remembering the hours they’d had together and going their separate ways.” He stared off. “But Sigmund couldn’t let her go.”
“What did he do…get in her cab?”
“That’s exactly what he did. She told him he’d be sorry. But the more she said things like that, the more intent he was on sticking with her.” Leo chuckled, but then his expression turned serious. “When they got to her hotel, in the lobby there were two older people waiting for her.”
I leaned in. “Who were they?”
“Her parents. They’d flown in from the States and had arrived in England before her.”
I was confused. “Why didn’t they travel together?”
“She apparently had some business to take care of at home first. So they met each other in London.”
I cocked my head. “So…they were vacationing?”
“I wish.” Leo blew out a breath. “Britney was forced to tell Sigmund everything then and there—that she wasn’t in England on vacation at all. She had traveled here to seek an experimental treatment…for her cancer.”
My heart sank. “Oh no.”
“Sigmund was gobsmacked. He’d had no clue she was sick.”
I felt like I was going to cry. Leo looked like he might do the same.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
“With her parents standing there, watching it all, she angrily asked him if he was happy now—couldn’t he understand why she’d preferred to leave well enough alone. He told her that actually, yeah, he was happy. That he’d never been happier in his life, and the fact that she was sick didn’t change how he felt.”
Oh my heart.
“She begged him to ditch her, but he wouldn’t. Before her treatments started, they holed themselves up in a hotel room together and made the most of that time. Then, he spent every hour of every day with her during her treatments at a hospital in London. Her parents were really taken with him and grateful that he gave their daughter joy during such a difficult time.”
Dread crept over me as Leo took a deep breath.
“One night,” he continued, “Sigmund came straight to my house from the hospital. He looked exhausted, and he told me he finally understood. When I asked what he was talking about, he said, ‘I understand how you felt about Felicity—why you refused to give her up. When you’re in love with someone, you just can’t.’” Leo smiled. “It was like my cousin had finally grown up. But it was a damn shame that he had to endure such pain along with it.”
I braced myself. “What happened to her, Leo?”
“The treatments didn’t work. She died six months after arriving in England, and my cousin hasn’t been the same since. He likely never will be.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. Leo gave me a minute to compose myself.
“How am I supposed to look at Sig today?” I asked.
“I know. I was hesitant to tell you the story, but you asked.”
“Was she his first real girlfriend?”
“She was his wife, actually. He married her a month before she died.”
That cut like a knife. “I’m devastated for him.”
Leo looked out toward the hills. “In a strange way, as devastating as it was for him to lose her, I think she saved his life. He says he’d experience the suffering many times over again, as long as he got to know her. He even used to shave his head to match hers.”
It hit me. “That’s why his hair is so short.”
“Yeah.”
“How long ago did she die?”
“It was only three months ago, Felicity.”
Oh my God. “Where are her parents?”
“They went back to the States, but I know they’re forever grateful that Britney spent her last days here with Sig.”
I’d thought losing Leo was heartbreaking, but clearly there were far worse ways to lose someone. Hearing this story made me realize how fragile life is.
Leo stood. “Come on. I think we need a change of pace before we see him again.”
We walked back to where the animals were located, and a farmhand brought out two horses. We each climbed atop one and took a leisurely ride around the estate.
“I’m still thinking about Sig,” I said as we rode.
“I figured as much—probably the one thing to take your mind off of us, eh?”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
After several minutes of riding in silence, he said, “Talk to me, Felicity. Forget about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
The horses neighed in unison.
“I’m thinking you reap what you sow in life. Every bit of pain I’m feeling right now is my own doing.”
Leo seemed taken aback. He pulled on the reins to stop his horse. So I did the same.
“Tell me what you mean,” he demanded.
“Leo, how could I have let you go? You asked me flat out if I would consider coming here, being with you, and I shot it down faster than you could even blink. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was scared—scared of how strong my feelings were, maybe. And taking a chance on you back then would have meant putting someone else first for the first time in my life, and that’s damn scary when you grow up believing people will always hurt you and you should never depend on anyone. But the truth is, I made that decision. So, all of this—the situation we’re in, the situation I put you in right now—it’s my fault.”
His face reddened. “Your fault because you weren’t willing to throw yourself into a world you knew nothing about for a man you’d known only a matter of weeks? And don’t forget, I was the one who left you, Felicity. Not the other way around. And I walked away again like a coward when I saw you with Matt in Philadelphia because I assumed you were happy. I could’ve said something. I convinced myself the trip had been a momentary lapse in sanity and that you were where you were meant to be—happy with him in the big city, just like your vision board. So you see, I walked away not once, but twice.” He reached out and cupped my cheek. “None of this is your fault, beautiful. Do you understand?”
I closed my eyes, relishing his gentle touch, allowing myself to feel the comfort in it for a few moments without letting guilt creep in. “It is what it is now, Leo. Fate just hasn’t been on our side,” I whispered.
After that, we rode in silence until we returned the horses.
Once they’d been led back to the barn, we paid another visit to Ludicrous so I could say goodbye. It had to be about time for Leo to drive me home. I was sure Darcie was counting the minutes.
We were almost back at the house when Leo stopped walking and faced me.
“Look at me, Felicity.”
I looked up into his eyes.