“What software?”
“Access.”
“No shit? We use Access or parts of it to monitor our systems. The more comprehensive systems use Future.”
“I wrote that, too.”
“It was before my time, but there was an issue at Triple Canopy. Someone was able to walk in, get to Lauren, then proceeded to gain access to the back hallway. After that, my bosses added safety protocols at all points of entry. We use Future to run those systems as well as to monitor the perimeter detection.”
“Get to Lauren? What does that mean?”
And fuck me, Ian sounded genuinely concerned.
“The man came in wearing an S-vest to prevent Lauren from alerting the others. He beat her unconscious. She was alone in the office with the doors unlocked,” I told him.
I hadn’t been there but I’d heard from Brady that when he found Lauren his first thought was that she was dead. He hadn’t stopped to check her pulse because there was a man with a bomb strapped to his body in the back hallway. From the story Brady and the others had told, Lauren’s face had been a mess. The mere thought of some asshole touching her sent me into a fury that was best kept locked down. Roman was dead; Liberty had seen to that. Then Drake and Brady had disposed of his corpse before the bomb could explode in the building.
“What scanners are you using on the front door?” Ian inquired.
“Keypad entry for employees. All visitors have to be manually keyed in.”
Ian’s mouth got tight but he said nothing.
“I take it you’re not a fan of keyed entry.”
“Too easy to bypass. Even with my software, if someone wanted in, they could get in. I’d use biometric and facial rec at points of entry. Not only for employees but for visitor access as well. There’s a new feature in the Access software that you can run in tandem with Future. It will run facial rec through any database you connect it to. If there’s a hit, you have to manually override the system to key the person in. Not only that but it will send an alert to everyone connected to the system that someone unsavory is attempting to gain access to the building.”
I couldn’t believe I was getting ready to ask what I was going to ask but Ian made a good point.
“If you have time, maybe you could talk to Dylan before you leave. He’s in charge of building security.”
Ian’s gaze went to the pool and mine followed, taking in the women.
It couldn’t be denied my mother was a beautiful woman. Seeing her sitting on the step, wine glass in her hand, smile on her face, water lapping around her lower body I could imagine what Ian was thinking. In the years since my father had died Deandra Haines had taken care of herself. The bruises were long gone, the shadows had lifted, she was indeed free and had been for a good long while. It was only me who still wore the chains. And the fuck of it was I was using those chains to tie her down. It was me who was holding her back from being happy. My father had held her hostage for thirteen years and now twenty-five years after his death I’d shackled her with my insecurities.
Christ, when did it end for her? When was it her time to have everything she should’ve had? If she’d never met my father, if she’d never been manipulated, brainwashed, abused, who would she have become?
I looked from my mom to my sisters. Smiling, happy, carefree. They had no recollection of our father. They lived through it but they didn’t. Lucy remembered but she didn’t allow those memories to hold her back. It was just me. I was the only one in the family who flat-out refused to let it go.
Lauren laughed at something Jill said and I had a sudden urge to pluck my woman out of the water for no other reason than to be close to her. I wanted to soak in her laughter. I wanted to absorb every smile. I wanted to make her love me and promise she’d never leave me.
“Not my place to say,” Ian muttered but I didn’t take my eyes off Lauren. “I reckon I’m also stepping out of bounds here but I’d be remiss if I didn’t warn you that life is short. While it’s happening, the day to day, you don’t notice the time slipping away. You’re too busy living. But one day it ends. Just like that, it’s over and you’re left wondering where the time went. You’re left wondering if you did enough. You think back and try to remember if you gave enough of yourself and your time and your love.”
“Did you give enough?” I found myself asking.
“No, there is always more to give. But what I do know is my wife died knowing I loved her deeply. She left this earth knowing that if we had more days, I would’ve given more. Before I met Dee I was a lot like you. I was going through the motions of life because that was what was expected of me. I had a business to run, employees I was responsible for, but I was dead inside.”
Was that what I was doing, going through the motions of life?
“I’ll make time before we leave to go to Triple Canopy,” Ian finished.
Silence fell and neither of us tried to fill it. Both of us watched the women in the pool. In typical Jill and Jackie fashion, they’d ripped me a new one for not being “friendly” at dinner, then once the drama was over they were back to their fun-loving, happy selves. They clearly had taken a liking to Lauren and were eager to get back to their new friend, which meant I was saved from a lengthy lecture and instead they’d made it quick but no less effective when they called me out.
Needing to do the right thing, get it out in the open, get it over with, I blew out a breath that did not do one thing to quell the burn in my chest.
“I’ve been a dick to you, Ian, and that was uncool. I knew about your situation before we met and threw it in your face. That wasn’t uncool—that was me being an asshole. You not drilling into me when you had every right shows you’re a better man than me. I know you kept your shit because you didn’t want to upset my mom and sisters and I appreciate that even if I deserved you handing me my ass for that dig. I am truly sorry I brought it up and the way I did it.”
“Lots of different ways a man can be in pain. Lots of ways for a man to lash out. Lots of ways for him to hurt himself. I suspect your pain runs deeper than most. You got a family to protect and I understand that. I also appreciate you being the sort of man who can apologize. I hold no personal grudge but I will caution you to tread carefully when speaking about Nicole. Like you, I have a family to protect; that includes your mom and sisters, but also a good woman’s memory. I wanted kids, Logan. I wanted them badly. I struggled with that, knowing I had to choose between my wife and the dream of having children. I believe I made the right choice but that doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle, especially now watching your mom and all that she has with you, Lucy, Jill, and Jackie. I wanted that. I wanted a house full of family. I wanted holidays and vacations. I wanted grandchildren. Instead, I got years with the woman I loved. That isn’t something I regret, because I had Nicole.
“I know I’m luckier than most. According to the doctors, I had years I never should’ve had with Nicole. I’m grateful for that time. And then I found something different but no less beautiful with Dee. There’s not one thing I can say to you to convince you I am not your father. I can’t even call him a man, because men do not cause the people who love him pain. The only thing I can do is be myself and let you come to the realization on your own. But there’s something you should know. While you’re taking your time, I will be moving forward. You’re a man who had the responsibility of taking care of a family at a young age. You raised those women into who they are, Logan. I know the story, I know your mom broke apart and day-to-day life fell on your shoulders. I also know you helped your mom put the pieces of her life back together. You might not want it, you might reject it, you probably don’t trust me to take it, but you now have help. And my hope is one day, you’ll come to accept that help. In the meantime, you need to know there will be no violence in my home, no yelling, no profanity, no pain. And the last thing I’ll give you is this; I’ve asked your mom to move in with me. I also asked her to marry me but she said no. That answer will not change until you and your sisters are comfortable with me being in all of your lives.”