Safety glass doesn’t cut, right?
“Two miles,” Logan called out.
Two miles didn’t mean shit to me; I was unclear what was supposed to happen when we got to the intersection where Matt was waiting for us. All I knew was I didn’t want either of us to die.
I flicked off the safety and raised the gun, trying my best to balance. My first shot hit the road in front of the white car.
“Easy, Ren. Breathe, baby, and aim.”
Shit. Right. Aim.
On an exhale I remembered everything Jasper, Trey, Carter, Luke, and Logan had taught me about sight picture. I remembered what Luke had told me about trigger control. Press, don’t pull.
I lined up, did my best to calm down, and slowly pressed the trigger. I hit the hood, quickly adjusted, and took another shot. The windshield of the white car spiderwebbed and the driver slowed and swerved. I counted out five seconds and as soon as the driver righted the car, I fired again, and again, and again, and didn’t stop until I was out of bullets and the car behind us was no longer moving.
“I see you!” Matt’s muffled voice boomed.
“I’m gonna blow by you and head to TC. The car’s five hundred yards back,” Logan answered.
“Copy that. Good work, Lauren.”
I could barely make out Matt’s words over the ringing in my ears.
“Come back up here and belt up, baby.”
“My ears hurt really bad,” I told him.
“I know they do, Ren. Come up here,” he repeated.
I scooted to the edge of the seat and winced as the pain registered. Not only from my ears but safety glass did cut, or the tiny shards dug in enough to break the skin. It felt like I was being poked with five million needles.
I somehow managed to get back into my seat but I couldn’t get my seat belt back on. After the third try, Logan reached across me and latched the belt.
“Your legs,” he growled.
“Please don’t talk. Every word feels like a screwdriver is piercing my skull.”
Logan had slowed and it was funny how after going a hundred-plus miles an hour fifty felt like a crawl. There were a thousand questions I wanted to ask. A thousand things I wanted to say but my head was throbbing and my stomach was so queasy I was afraid I’d be sick.
So we drove in silence the rest of the way to Triple Canopy.
19
As soon as I pulled through the gate I saw Nick, Jason, Quinn, and Carter waiting outside. It was Quinn who worried me. She was going to rush Lauren.
I slowed and disconnected my phone from the Bluetooth before I called Carter.
“I see you,” he answered after one ring.
“No Quinn.”
I spoke as softly as I could but with my ears still ringing I might’ve been shouting.
“Shock or drop?”
“A little of both.”
“Shit. Okay, I’ll talk to Quinn. Your mom, sisters, and Ian are here.”
Fucking shit. I forgot about their visit.
“Can you please ask Quinn to explain the situation to them?”
“Yeah. We’ll clear them out of your office and put them into the conference room.”
I glanced over at Lauren—face pale, eyes screwed closed, a grimace on her face.
“Gotta go.”
I dropped my phone into the cupholder and pulled into a parking space.
Lauren didn’t move. Fuck yeah, shock’s setting in.
I turned off the Mustang, threw open the door, and rounded the trunk not bothering to close the door. I pulled Lauren’s open, reached around her, unbuckled her belt, and scooped her out of the seat. She didn’t open her eyes or protest.
Fuck.
By the time I made it to the men, Carter had the front door opened. Nick and Jason gave me identical chin lifts and scowls.
“My gun’s somewhere in the car.”
“I got it,” Jason said and jogged off.
“I’ll get the medkit and meet you in your office,” Nick said and he, too, jogged away.
“Drake and Matt are on-scene,” Carter started. “Trey and Luke are on their way there now. Ethan’s been notified and my dad and Jasper are coming here. Levi and Clark are going to the scene.”
Lauren shoved her face into my neck and groaned.
“Ears,” I told Carter. “Let me get her settled then we’ll brief.”
I made my way through reception, down the hall, and I was able to slip into my office without my mom or sisters seeing me.
“Ren, honey, I’m gonna set you down.”
She nodded and I carefully lowered her into the chair and immediately knelt in front of her.
“Open your eyes.”
She shook her head then moaned.
I opened the bottom drawer, pulled out my Bose headphones, then shifted so I could wake up my laptop. I quickly found my white noise app and checked to make sure the headphones were connected and the volume was low.
“I’m gonna put my headphones on you. White noise is playing. I know it doesn’t make sense but it will help with the ringing in your ears.”
“No—”
“Ren, please listen to me, it helps. I promise. The volume is low, it won’t hurt.”
She nodded her agreement but still didn’t open her eyes.
“After I put these on you, I’m gonna go wash up. Carter’s gonna stay in here with you.”
Lauren nodded again.
As gently as I could I placed the headphones on and adjusted them over her ears. When she didn’t flinch or make any sound I got to my feet.
“Logan—”
“I need a minute.”
After that, I stalked out of my office. I felt it coming—the ugly, the hate, the toxins that I had to work to keep buried. It was all bubbling up faster than I could choke it down, faster than I could suppress. I barely made it into the hallway before the first wave hit—anger so sharp I vibrated with it. Every step I took was taken with malicious determination. As soon as the gym door clicked shut behind me, I unleashed. My fist pounded into the heavy bag, then the other, again and again until I was breathless. Unchecked rage drove me to push on. Over and over I pummeled the bag.
“Enough!” Lenox shouted from behind me.
It wasn’t nearly enough.
It would never be enough.
The fire in my gut was nowhere near extinguished. The anger still pulsed through my veins. The fear still clogged my throat.
“Logan, stop!” Jasper called. “Enough, son.”
Son.
I wasn’t his son.
I was no man’s son.
“She’s asking for you, Logan,” Lenox told me.
I took one last swing, stopped the bag, then turned to face my bosses.
Lenox’s gaze dropped to my hands and his scowl deepened. “Feel better?”
“Nope.”
“Dig deep and find it,” Lenox ordered.
“How in the hell am I supposed to find it when I never had it in the first place?”
“Had what?” Jasper asked.
“That’s just it, I don’t have anything. The only thing my old man taught me was this.” I lifted my bloody knuckles. “Violence. Anger. Hatred. This is all I know. How the fuck am I supposed to dig deep and find something I never fucking had in the first place?”