“You think men like you are taught?” Jasper carried on. “Men like you are born. That asshole did his best to beat it out of you. But he failed. You are the man you were born to be. There is no lesson to be taught. You have it in you or you don’t. And you cannot stand there and tell me it’s not inside of you.”
“Jasper—”
“He’s right, Logan,” Lenox cut in. “That beast that lives inside of you, that fire in your soul, you misunderstand it. You think your daddy gave you that? You think some weak, wife-beating, child abuser fool had it in him to make you who you are? He didn’t give you shit. He didn’t make you who you are. He didn’t have the power or the strength to make you into the man you are.”
I felt the blood dripping from my fingertips, but I felt no pain. Air rushed over my dry lips, but I felt no oxygen entering my lungs.
Fuck.
“I can’t—”
“You can’t,” Lenox sneered. “Only a pussy says I can’t.”
“Christ,” Jasper bit out and my gaze went to him. Ice-cold green eyes stared back at me. “Did you just ring the bell?”
The old BUD/s reference had my shoulders squaring but before I could utter my ready response that I wasn’t a goddamn quitter Lenox rejoined.
“Whatever’s going on in your head, it’s not your sacrifice. Whatever it is you think you can’t do, that’s not your burden. Time to wake up, Logan.”
“Not my sacrifice? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Right now, you’re thinking about all the reasons you shouldn’t go back to Lauren. All the excuses you’ve compiled. They’re junk, all of them. Throw them out and man the fuck up.”
“Junk?” My laugh sounded rusty and humorless when I lifted my bloodied hands. “This is what you call junk? An excuse? I get pissed and overwhelmed I resort to violence. How in the fuck is that not a damn good excuse to stay away from Lauren? How is this right here not the reminder that I can’t be trusted?”
I fucking knew better than to get involved. I knew better than to fall in love. I knew this would happen. Something would set me off and he’d come out. The motherfucker I couldn’t expunge.
“I’m gonna tell you the truth.” Jasper took a step closer and I fought against retreat. Twice I’d seen Jasper angry. Twice I’d witnessed him lose his composure. Thankfully, neither time was his ire aimed at me.
Now it was.
Now he was advancing on me not as a boss, not as a friend, not as a man I respected, but as the formidable warrior he was. “And I hope to God you listen closely. You did not take your fists to Lauren. You didn’t take your anger or your fear out on her. You walked away to do what you needed to do to let it out. It shocks the fuck out of me that I need to remind you you’re not the only man in this building who needs a physical outlet. Do you really think you’re the first of us to come back here and beat the fuck out of the bag? Why the hell do you think it’s here?”
Logically, I knew I would never hit Lauren. I fundamentally knew that. But there was still this little voice in the back of my mind that nagged. It was relentless with all the what-ifs.
The door slammed open and Lauren stomped in. Red-hot pissed with dried blood dotting her knees and shins.
The anger came back tenfold. Not only could she have died but she was injured.
“Are you done?” she hissed.
That was a loaded question.
Was I done having a bitch fit? Probably not.
Was I done second-guessing myself? Again, probably not.
Was I done pretending that I didn’t love her? Ab-so-fucking-lutely.
I was so done with all the bullshit.
“Baby, why are you up?” I asked. “You still got glass—” I clamped my mouth shut when Lauren growled.
“Smart choice,” Jasper mumbled.
“You left me.” Lauren’s accusation was high-pitched and frantic. “I let you because I knew you needed it. But you’re taking too long, Logan. You left me and I need you.”
“Ren—”
“I let you! I wasn’t so far gone, I didn’t know you needed it. But my head was almost blown off and I need you.”
Her words hit like spears. The recrimination lingered in the air. The censure in her voice hurt like a sonofabitch. But it was her understanding that I needed a minute to gather myself that cut through.
“Come here, Ren.”
I made the demand but I met her halfway, and when she was close, my arms swept around her and she did what she always did when she was in my arms—burrowed close.
“Are you done?” she demanded to know.
“Yeah, baby, I’m done.” I felt her head give a slight nod then she pressed deeper. “I was coming back to you. I just needed…”
Fuck, I didn’t know what I needed.
“To get it out,” she finished for me.
Something like that.
“Let’s get your legs cleaned up.”
“And your hands.” Lauren’s head lifted off my chest. I tipped my chin and I caught her watery eyes. “Next time will you please wear gloves so you don’t bloody your knuckles?”
“Yeah, Ren, next time I’ll wear gloves. How are your ears, still ringing?”
“A little but the white noise helped.”
“Good.”
I scooped her up and started for the gym door.
“I heard your mom and sisters are here with Ian Webster,” Lenox called out.
Shit, damn, and hell.
“I forgot they were here,” I admitted.
“Carter told me Ian’s in Dylan’s office helping him go through traffic cams and Quinn’s in the conference room with your mom and sisters. I’ll call Lily, see if she can come down and keep the women company.”
That translated into Lenox taking my back and my mom’s by calling in his wife to keep my mom calm.
“I appreciate that.”
“Don’t mention it.”
I stepped into the hallway and saw Carter and Nick leaning against the wall.
“Sorry, brother, I couldn’t stop her,” Carter muttered irately.
“I should’ve kicked you harder,” Lauren returned.
“You kicked Carter?”
“I asked nicely first but he wouldn’t move.”
“You didn’t ask nicely, you threatened to cut off my…manhood if I didn’t move. I didn’t have a chance to move because I was in shock. Never seen you mad and I definitely have never heard you say…” Carter trailed off, frowning.
“Oh, please, there are no children around; you can say the word dick, Carter, we’re all adults.”
Carter’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Please make her stop saying that.”
“Baby, Carter’s shy about his dick; he doesn’t like it talked about.”
Lauren’s body started to shake with amusement and her lips thinned in an effort to keep from laughing out loud. She lost the battle and started to sputter, then she shoved her face into my neck and the sputters turned into an outright laugh.
I slowed my steps and savored the weight of her in my arms. The sound of her giggles. The feel of her breath on my throat.
Alive, breathing, and laughing.