“But then I met you and for the first time, I cared. For the first time, I hated my life. For the first time, I questioned everything I thought I knew and came to the realization there is nothing that would ever make me raise my hand to you. For the first time, I loved someone and I had no idea what to do with those feelings. I fucked up and lied. I told myself new lies until I believed you were better off without me and everything I was doing was to protect you.”
The SUV started to slow and I looked up. If this was Logan’s neighborhood Jill and Jackie had wasted money on an Uber the other day; they could’ve walked to my place. The houses were newer and bigger in this section of the development. They were also on bigger lots and set back from the street.
I saw Shiloh standing on the sidewalk and looked at the house behind her. Two-story, three-car garage, dark-blue siding with stone accents, a large, welcoming front porch complete with stone pillars, and a well-kept yard. The house was nice, very nice, and way too big for Logan to live in all by himself. It was a family home in a family-friendly neighborhood. There would be no raging parties here. Not that Logan was a partier but he was a confirmed bachelor.
“We’re here,” he announced.
I bit back a snarky no shit, Sherlock and instead asked, “Why’d you buy such a big house?”
“Because it was close to you.”
My mouth dropped open. I didn’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that and I certainly wasn’t expecting him to admit that straight out even if it was the truth.
Logan’s phone rang. He grabbed it from the console and answered, and a moment later he gave a curt response and disconnected.
“Echo, Shiloh, and Lenox are clearing the house. Jasper will wait outside with us,” Logan told me.
“Clearing the house?”
“Just a precaution.”
I didn’t want to think about why precautions were needed but still, I pushed. “Is all of this necessary?”
“Absolutely.”
“Logan, I need more than that.”
“The car that was following us was stolen. Until we have a lock on the men who were inside the car every precaution is being taken. Guy was at your house. Until we know why he was there, why he followed us, and if he’s connected to the men who shot at us, every precaution is being taken. Shit like this can go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye and I’m not taking any chances. The good news is the men in the car fled on foot and they did it quickly, which means they didn’t have time to wipe down the car. Even if they were wearing gloves there’s a chance they left something behind. The bad news is, none of the cameras so far caught an image clear enough to run through facial recognition. And unless we send someone to Nashville we have to wait until Guy gets back to question him. Matt and Brady could go to Tennessee and track him down, but I’d rather have them here in Georgia and have extra coverage on you and my house.”
Okay, so perhaps I was incorrect and I wasn’t freaking out because Logan loved me. Maybe it was the chase, the shooting, Guy being a crazy weirdo, that had caused my panic attack because now I was finding it hard to breathe again.
“Ren, baby, you are safe.”
I wanted to believe that, but watching Shiloh, Echo, and Lenox approach Logan’s house all with guns drawn, while Jasper now stood outside of the Suburban still idling at the curb, I found it hard to. I also found it hard to believe I was safe when Logan was on high alert. His eyes were scanning the street and when they weren’t they were checking the mirrors. That should’ve been comforting but it wasn’t. It was a reminder that we were not safe but in danger.
“Logan?”
“Yeah?” He didn’t stop scanning.
“I’m scared.”
That got me all of his attention. And when I say that, I mean he reached over, unbuckled my belt, plucked me out of the seat, and dragged me into his lap. It also got me intense, hazel eyes that were full of concern.
“I promise you I will do everything I can to keep you safe. I promise you my brothers will do the same. It fucking kills me to hear you say you’re scared but it fucking kills more that I don’t know what I’m protecting you from. Until we understand what’s going on, I’m not taking chances. I’m sorry if that scares you, baby, but I’d rather you be safe and scared instead of not scared and unsafe.”
For some strange reason that made me feel better. Not so much his promise—though I knew Logan would never make a promise he couldn’t keep—but the part where he’d rather I was scared and safe. I’d prefer that, too.
“Okay.”
“I know you already got a lot on you but I need you thinking about something else.”
I wasn’t sure how much more I could think about after today’s drama but I still said, “What do you want me to think about?”
“House is empty,” he strangely told me.
“So I’ve heard your sister say.”
“Right. So I don’t have much to offer you but I want you to think about moving in, permanently.”
Whoosh.
All of my breath left my body with one word, “What?”
“I wasted a year, I don’t feel like wasting more. I told you I bought this house because it was close to you. But at the time, I didn’t really get it, I didn’t need a house this big. I didn’t buy it because it was close to you; I bought it for you. For us. I want you to think about moving in.”
Silence ensued and he let me have it until he was done. Then he called, “Lauren?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
And I didn’t. Part of me wanted to dance a little happy dance while singing a really bad rendition of “Hallelujah”. Part of me wanted to be sensible and tell him it was way too soon to be thinking about moving in with him. A bigger part of me wanted to tell him yes. And a tiny part of me wanted to tell him he had shit timing. First, telling me he loved me smack dab in the middle of a trauma, then asking me to move in while his house was being cleared by two police officers and a former Army man, all of whom were armed. Oh, and I couldn’t forget Jasper who was right there outside playing armed bodyguard.
Totally shit timing.
“Just tell me you’ll think about it.”
“I want it on record that if you ask me to marry you in the middle of a drama the answer is no.” I felt Logan go stiff. Unfortunately, I wasn’t paying enough attention because I sallied forth. “You have the worst timing of any person I know. Maybe I would’ve liked the first time you told me you loved me to be in private so I could return the sentiment without your family and my co-workers present. And maybe I would’ve liked you to ask me to move in with you when I wasn’t sitting in your lap in a borrowed SUV because your car was shot to shit.”
While I was blathering on I hadn’t noticed Logan’s body had turned to granite.
“Return the sentiment?”
Oh, crap.
“I…uh…”
“That’s what you said, baby. You love me?”
Is he dense?
“Of course I do,” I snapped.
Logan’s lips twitched before they tipped up and he gave me a dazzling smile.
“Yeah, baby, you do.” His hand lifted to my neck and his fingers curled around and at the same time, he dropped his forehead. “You have for a long time, same as me. I fucked up and fucked around and lost too much time. We can’t get that back and that’s on me. So, my timing might be shit, but that’s part of me not wasting it. I’m not waiting. I feel it or want it, I’m saying it.”