He stopped and pressed his forehead to mine. It wasn’t painful, but it was forceful. Logan had a point to make and he wanted my attention—all of it. “I cannot bear the thought of something happening to you. I wouldn’t survive it. If I lost you I wouldn’t go back to being the asshole I was before I met you. I would be completely dead inside. For the first time, I feel like I’m living, really living, not just going through the motions. You woke me up and gave me something I never thought I’d have. Never thought I wanted. Now I have it. I have you, and, baby, I will fight and die before you’re taken from me.”
I loved, no I treasured every word Logan said. But I hated them, too. I hated that he’d lived a life that was not full and happy but instead had been “going through the motions”. I hated that he’d never wanted or thought he’d find better. I hated that he didn’t think he deserved to have a life that included love and family. I despised the notion that he never thought of himself as good enough. And that was what it came down to, what Dave had left him with. I knew it wasn’t from Dee or his sisters—they adored him, they thought the world of him, and they didn’t hide how much they loved him.
“You can have anything you need, baby,” I whispered. “And everything you want.”
I felt Logan’s body go tight, then it turned to granite. He was so stiff I was afraid to breathe, so I held my breath, unsure what I could’ve said that would cause that reaction.
“You’ll give me anything I need?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“You’ll give me everything I want?”
Again my answer came quickly with zero hesitation. “Absolutely.”
“Christ.” The word sounded like it was torn from his chest. “Christ. I jacked you around, fucked-up, hurt you, kept you waiting, and you’ll give me anything I need.”
“Well, yeah. I love you.”
“Christ,” he rumbled.
“Christ, what?” I asked.
Logan didn’t make me wait to explain what “what” meant. And when he did I learned that words could slice to the bone, deliver velvety blows, burn, and feed the soul all at the same time.
“All my life, baby, since I could remember, love hurt. It came with fists, lies, guilt, blame, and bad memories. My mom’s love comes with guilt—she blames herself for not being able to get us away sooner. My sisters’ love comes with the memories—them remembering what I took so they wouldn’t. All of us lived under a black cloud of Dave’s lies. For the first time in my life love comes with understanding and forgiveness. It doesn’t eat at my soul; it feeds it. Your love is free and clear, it’s clean, it feels good. Never had that.”
“Logan.” My breath hitched and I could get no more out.
“Love you, Laurie,” he whispered, and I felt my throat clog.
I heard a manufactured cough—you know, the fake kind, and their sole intent was to announce someone’s presence.
“Our timing sucks,” I choked out, still fighting back the tears that were forming. “Maybe, in the future, we should schedule our heart-to-hearts; you know, so we can have them in private.”
Logan lifted his forehead off mine, placed a soft kiss there, then tucked me to his side.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Ethan muttered. Jace stood silently beside him.
“No worries.” Logan graciously let Ethan off the hook. “Jace, good to see you.”
“Shit reason, but good to see you. Lauren, you, too.”
“Hi, Jace. Morning, Ethan.”
“Conference room is ready for you,” Lenox called out.
Without further conversation, we all filed into the conference room. I wasn’t surprised to see the whole team gathered around the big table. I was, however, surprised to see Ian sitting next to Dylan.
“We’re gonna let Ethan get his questions out of the way,” Nick started. “Then we’ll go over what we have.”
Logan was pulling out a chair for me when he asked, “Did you find something?”
“Let’s let Ethan go first,” Nick reiterated.
Logan stilled at my side and I knew he was gearing up to get pissed. My hand went to his chest and I shook my head.
“Zap. Zap,” I whispered and Logan’s eyes narrowed.
“That only works when I’m getting ready to be a dick,” he told me.
“Isn’t that what you were getting ready to be?”
“No such thing as me being a dick when it comes to your safety.”
“Fine,” I sighed and sat down.
“Got an ID on the occupants,” Ethan told Logan in what I was sure was a time-saving measure. “And you know, I’m not going to discuss that further until I get Lauren’s statement.”
I thought that was great news, but judging by the scowl on Logan’s face he wasn’t pleased.
“He gave it to us, brother,” Luke interjected. “We didn’t sit on it, now we’ve got more.”
“But you didn’t give it to me?”
Luke’s gaze cut to me then back to Logan. “You had more pressing things to handle last night. Trust us to have your back the way you’ve had ours.”
Logan exhaled and jerked his chin in Luke’s direction but his body was still coiled and ready to strike when he sat next to me.
He reached for my hand, threaded our fingers together, and rested them on his thigh. He also scooted his chair closer to mine.
Sticking close.
Staying with me.
It took an hour for me to answer all of Ethan’s questions. Jace hadn’t interjected once. Or I should say he hadn’t verbally interjected seeing as there were a few times when I’d caught sight of the angry set of his jaw and felt the immensely unpleasant vibes rolling off of him and I had to stop speaking because I’d lost my train of thought.
I knew we were done when Ethan declared, “Got everything I need for now.”
To which Logan replied, “What’d you find?”
Since I had a job to do, I pushed my chair back in preparation to leave the conference room to set about doing actual work. I was waylaid by Logan’s iron grip on my hand as he pulled me back.
“Where are you goin’?”
“To my desk, I have work to do.”
“Ren, baby—”
“I’ll go with her.” Ian stood. “I need to show her the updates I installed.”
Logan’s gaze went to Ian, then to me, then back to Ian. Clearly, my man was struggling with letting me leave the room. Ian didn’t miss this—no one could miss Logan’s harassed expression or the tightness in his shoulders.
“I updated the whole system. The new scanners won’t be in until the end of the week, but Drake added three new cameras and they’re dialed in. All of the doors are secure, same as they’ve always been. No one’s getting in the building unless they’re buzzed in. The employee entry codes have been changed and there’s a new code Lauren needs to unlock the front door. I’ll go over everything with her then work out there until you’re done.”
I reckon it was the promise that Ian would stay in the lobby with me that made Logan relax.
“Don’t leave the building,” Logan demanded.