“I knew.” He sternly nodded. “I fucking knew you were messing around with Autumn. That’s what hurts the most! You blatantly looked me straight in the face, making me feel like I was crazy for even implying you two were hooking up behind closed doors.”
“You’re the last person I would ever want to betray, Christian, and you know that. It’s why I left the way I did.”
“You’re nothing but a coward.”
“I know, and I have to live with that. I lost everything that ever mattered to me. You were the only family I ever had. I fucking loved you too. It’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t tell you that I was in love with your sister, but I can now. And it’s the truth. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember. I can’t lose her again—I won’t. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the man she deserves and the father Capri needs.” I paused to let my words sink in. “I’ll prove to you how much I’ve always loved Autumn, but I need you to forgive me. I’m sorry, Christian. I’ll apologize to you until I’m blue in the face. Anytime I think about how I handled things it makes me sick to my stomach. You’re one of the most important men in her life, and she wants your approval. It would help me tremendously if you gave it to us.”
“I don’t know if I can do that. At least not right now. I just… I’m here for my sister and my niece. It’s all I can offer you, Julian.” With that, he turned around and left.
And my mind was thrown into the past.
Chapter THIRTY-TWO
—Autumn—
Then
I knew he was going to do this shit to me again. I was expecting it. For the last two weeks, Julian had been blowing me off and pushing me away. How he could go from one extreme to the next was not lost on me. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to think I’d sit back and take his cruelty. I thought we were past the back and forth mess, but then Christian had to unexpectedly show up and ruin everything we were building.
He was beginning to let his guard down, and it was such a beautiful sight to witness, and knowing I was the reason made everything he’d put me through worth it. I wanted to go off on him. I was a ticking time bomb, and he wasn’t going to be able to manipulate his way out of this one.
I wasn’t a little girl anymore. He couldn’t treat me like I was his everything one day, and then the next I was suddenly just his best friend’s little sister he needed to stay away from. Christian was not responsible for the decisions I made in my life. He was just my older brother, and they both needed to understand I could make my own choices.
My happiness was mine, and they were ripping it away from me as if they had a right to.
Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I texted Julian.
Answer your door. I’m outside.
Seconds later, the door flung open, and there was Julian dressed to the nines. The smell of his cologne immediately assaulted my senses. Tonight, was Christian’s bachelor party, and Julian looked like he was made exclusively for sex. He was wearing a light blue collared button-down shirt with black slacks. His bright blue eyes were mesmerizing, and I found myself enraptured in his gaze before he ruined it.
Angrily spewing, “What the hell are you doing here? Christian was just here, Autumn.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I saw him leave.”
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“That’s all you have to say for yourself? This is bullshit, Julian! We’ve gotten so close these last few months, and now you’re back to treating me like I’m just some girl you were fucking! I thought I meant more to you than that?”
“Keep your voice down. Our neighbors—”
“I don’t give a fuck about your neighbors!”
He grabbed my arm, dragging me inside his apartment before shutting the door behind me. “You will when they’re telling Christian his little sister was standing outside screaming at me.”
“What the hell do you expect? I haven’t seen you since Christian caught us in your room, and you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts! You’ve completely dropped off the face of the earth, and it’s complete and utter bullshit!”
“Kid, I’m not going to stand here and have you yell at me like I’m a fucking child.”
“Well, you’re acting like one!”
He inhaled a deep breath. “What the fuck do you want me to do?”
“I want you to treat me like I’m more than just a random fuck to you!”
“Autumn,” he calmly stated, placing his hands out in front of him. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing? Isn’t it a little late for that? You already stuck your dick in my ass, Julian!”
He didn’t hesitate, viciously countering, “It was a mistake! From the very start it’s all we’ve been! One big fucking mistake!”
“Which part?” I stumbled back from the harshness of his response. “Taking my virginity or leading me on?”
“All of it. I had no right to steal any of that from you. I’m a selfish bastard, and for that I’m very sorry, kid. You don’t deserve a man like me.”
“That’s not your choice to make! It’s mine!”
“This never should have started between us.”
It was blow after blow, after blow. It felt like he didn’t care about how much his brutal honesty was affecting me, how much it was destroying me inside. Julian had the ability to shift from hot too cold at the drop of a dime. Showing me this Jekyll and Hyde side to him too many times to keep track of.
Words failed me, and all I could do was fight for us. He was worth the hurt and devastation along with my tears and sorrow, my love, my devotion, the uncertainty of a future that felt destined from day one.
Trying to hold my heart together, I placed my hand over my chest. Arguing, “You don’t mean that.”
“You have no idea how much I do.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “You can’t do this to me again.”
Sweeping the hair away from my face, he tucked it behind my ear. “I don’t have a choice, kid.”
“Yes, you do. Choose me, Julian. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
He didn’t answer, barely demonstrating any emotion. I did the only thing I could. I bared my heart and soul to him, only to have him crush it into a million tiny pieces.
“What do you want from me, Autumn?”
“I want you to fight for me! Who cares about my parents and Christian? This is our lives, and if we want to spend it together, then it’s no one’s business but our own.”
“I don’t see it that way.”
I started to sob, feeling like a little girl when I should have been stronger.
Harder.
However, I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. It was who I was—it was how I was made. I didn’t want to shatter in front of him, breaking like a cheap piece of glass.
At this point, I’d come this far, and I couldn’t hold back. Openly bawling, I asked, “Why don’t you want me? Why don’t you love me like I love you?”