No.
This couldn’t be happening.
It . . . it wasn’t possible.
I was losing it.
Coming unhinged.
Sins I’d committed coming back to taunt me.
“I, um . . . I’m not sure,” Penny answered, uneasy, because the prick was putting her on the spot.
“You need to tell your mom it’s time for you to get back here. Done with her excuses.”
Nausea boiled. Rising up fast. Filling my throat and coating my tongue in hatred.
I wasn’t even aware that my goddamn feet had moved.
I was standing off to the side of Penny without even really knowing how I’d gotten there.
Not even fucking surprised at the same time.
Because I should have known.
Should have known I couldn’t take and take and take and get away with what I’d done.
Like I could be absolved of the guilt.
Because angels and devils didn’t mix.
But there I was, staring at the vilest one.
His face on the screen.
Nixon Shoewalter.
Our eyes clashed through the phone.
Hatred gnashed my teeth.
Knocked me from the side.
Blunt force trauma to the back of the head.
“What the fuck?” he hissed below his breath.
I stumbled back.
Stricken by what this meant.
Fuck.
I grabbed my head in my hands.
World a tilt-a-whirl.
Gaining speed.
Disorienting.
Devastating.
“Leif . . . what’s wrong? Are you okay? You look like you’re going to throw up,” Penny rushed, jumping off the couch, waving that phone around like a bomb.
The atom kind.
One that decimated everything.
I should have known I couldn’t have this.
That I was just setting myself up to lose.
Only it was exponentially worse than even I could have imagined.
“I . . . I have to go,” I managed to wheeze.
Heart manic.
Sight blurred.
Couldn’t find my footing with her waving that phone in my face. Might as well have been a hot poker that was going to stab me in the heart.
I stumbled back, banging into the wall. A picture knocked to the floor. Glass shattered while the ground completely dropped out from under me.
I squeezed my eyes like it could stand the chance of bringing me back. Wake me up. Shake me out of this nightmare.
No. God. Please.
Agony mauled me like it was a fucking monster.
A wraith.
That bitch Karma was cackling off to the side as she commanded for him to finally do me in.
Like I actually thought I was going to escape her.
“Leif.” Penny tried to grab my hand.
Couldn’t even let her touch me.
I fumbled back from her like I was gonna get burned.
Who the fuck was I kidding?
I was dust.
Nothing but fiery, flickering out debris.
I finally made it to the door.
The voice I would never forget shouted from the phone, “You motherfucker. You got to my family. You are dead.”
I tore down the hall and burst out into the fading light.
Shock shifting to rage.
Because he was wrong.
It was his debt that was coming due.
Thirty-Three
Leif
Three Years Ago
I crept in through the backdoor into the kitchen. Cringed when Maddie lifted her head from where she was waiting for me at the small table. Streaks of mascara ran down her eyes, hair a mess, distrust on her face. “Where were you?”
Guilt spiraled.
Shivered and shook.
I blew out a sigh and tossed my keys to the counter. “Out.”
Wanted to keep her from it.
Protect her from the truth.
I was so damned close.
I just needed a few more days.
She laughed a disbelieving sound, and she pushed to her feet, her head shaking with hurt. “You’re a liar.”
In defeat, I pressed my hands to the counter and dropped my head, talking to the granite because I wasn’t brave enough to look at her. “I’m trying not to be.”
Soggy laughter ripped from her throat. “We have a daughter, Leif.”
Slowly, I spun around.
Love gripped me by the chest. What this was doing to my girl.
She wasn’t a fool. She was just blameless.
Incorruptible. Which was exactly the way I wanted it to be.
“I have an out, Maddie. After this last job, I’m done. Keeton is cutting me loose.”
“You were supposed to be done three years ago,” she begged.
“It’s rare that I do anything for him. Just when he absolutely needs me.”
“You think that makes it okay?” It was a shout. A whimper. Her outright disappointment. “Is this the life you want your daughter to live? Is this what you want her to see when she looks at you? Is this the legacy you want to leave behind?”
The force of her words should have blasted me back.
Instead, they propelled me forward.
Desperate to touch her. To get her in my arms. I wrapped them around her.
Tight.
Let her pound her anger out on my chest.
Murmured the whole time, “I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry. I tried to get free. I tried, baby. I tried.”
“Why should I believe you?” she choked out where she sobbed into my shirt.
“Because I love you. Because Haylee is my life. Because I’m doing everything I have to so I can get free of this. It’s over this weekend, and then I’m taking all of us away. Far fucking away. Where none of this can touch us again.”
“Do you love me, Leif? Really, truly love me? Tell me this isn’t a lie. That I’m not wasting my life believing in you.”
She looked up at me with the burden of what I’d done to her swimming in those green eyes.
Grief. Hurt. With the hope she’d sparked in me the day she’d stumbled into the shop.
I cupped her face, and I gave her my only perfect truth.
“Only you. Forever. No matter what.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
Braxton and I rode. Headlights of our bikes spraying through the dark, deep, bitter night.
Nixon was on his bike leading us into the darkness.
Couldn’t stand the prick. One of Krane’s crew who’d been sent to make sure we were square on our end.
Oversee.
Watch.
He was nothing but a pompous ass who didn’t give a fuck about anyone. Had only worked with him a couple times. Barely knew him. It didn’t take a whole lot to get the gist.
At least I had Brax at my side. The one guy in this disaster that I could trust.
It was close to dawn.
In the most wicked hour when no one remained awake except for the demons that roamed the earth.
The truck followed close behind, and we veered off the desolate two-lane road onto a dirt path carved through the desert, city lights making Los Angeles look like it sat within a dusky snowglobe in the far distance.
Our bikes bounced on the rough terrain. I gritted my teeth, fighting the feeling of unease that kept sweeping through me.
Disquiet a zephyr that hissed and moaned.
We came to a stop where three Mercedes SUVs were parked facing out.