“Deeper connection?”
Forest kissed my head again. “Dating is one type of relationship, but when it’s also mixed with domination and submission or something like age play, it creates more levels.”
His hold loosened and one hand started stroking up and down my back. “When you add BDSM or lifestyle things to friendship or any kind of relationship, it makes it…richer…more honest.”
“Why is honesty embarrassing?”
He chuckled again. “Because we’re not used to it. We’re used to being told to keep anything outside what people consider to be the norm quiet. It takes a while to get used to the norm being open and honest communication and accepting who we are without reservations.”
I wasn’t sure that would ever describe me…but it seemed to describe Forest perfectly.
Maybe I could soak up some of his confidence and self-acceptance through osmosis or something. Could confidence spread like a virus?
One good sneeze from Forest and I’d be set.
“What do I do in the meantime until I catch some of your acceptance?” I had to smile when he laughed again.
“You just count on me. No matter what you tell me, I’m not going to think it’s silly or weird or stupid or anything else your brain is telling you. We’ll talk about it and we’ll figure out what you like about it or what you’re curious about.”
That sounded…painfully embarrassing.
But the tone in his voice said while he was going to be sweet about it…he wasn’t going to budge.
Hopefully my heart could take his stubbornness.
“Okay.” If it came out whiny, I was going to just accept it. I wasn’t feeling very grown-up at the moment, so worrying about it wasn’t that important.
Forest hugged me tighter and kissed my head again. He didn’t mind if I was pouting and confused. He seemed to like it, actually.
“Come on. We’re going to take this stuff downstairs and see if any of these DVDs still work. I’m not sure there’s any hope of finding a VCR for those tapes, though.” His frustration at not being able to find an ancient piece of technology was cute.
“I’m not sure we’ve ever owned one of those.” I probably shouldn’t tell him the only place I’d seen one was in the thrift store for a buck.
“I’m starting to think you’re trying to delicately point out how old I am.” He huffed. “See if that gets you any more brownies.”
Giggling, I pulled back and gave him a pout. It wasn’t quite the shy apology I was going for, but it was a good try. “I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t decide if I should add “Daddy” to the end or not, but he didn’t seem to mind. Grinning, Forest hugged me again before relaxing his hold.
“Naughty boy. Don’t try to manipulate me.”
Blinking wide-eyed at him, I shook my head. “Of course not.”
That just made his smile wider and he kissed my forehead. “Come on.”
It might not have gotten me brownies, but I’d gotten more cuddly hugs and another kiss, so I thought I’d come out pretty well. Nodding, I tried to look sincere. “Okay.”
Sir?
Daddy?
What should I call him?
He wasn’t just Forest anymore. Sure, he was letting me explore what it might mean to have a Daddy, but how much exploration was a good idea? Would calling him Daddy now make things weird when it was over?
Well, it was going to be weird when it was over, but he’d already made it clear that he wasn’t going to let me wiggle away embarrassed. He’d kind of made it sound like I was stuck with his friendship no matter what.
He’d already referred to himself as a Daddy several times. He’d also made sure I understood that he didn’t have a problem taking control and being Daddy while I was exploring the lifestyle. That should mean I could call him whatever I felt comfortable with.
What did I feel comfortable with?
“You’re looking at me very oddly.” He was trying not to smile, but he didn’t hide it very well. “What’s going through your mind?”
“Just an FYI. I’m going to be embarrassed about this, but this time if it goes weird we’re actually going to pretend we didn’t talk about it. Deal?” I wasn’t going to budge on that one. Sex fantasies were one thing, but calling him Daddy was personal.
“Deal.” Forest kissed my head then ran his hand over it. “So what were you debating?”
Sighing, I shrugged and stepped closer so I could snuggle against him. If I was going to feel stupid, I might as well get some cuddles out of it because he was a damned good cuddler. He made me feel safe and never let it get weird or sexual.
“What to call you.” He must not have been expecting that one because he stilled for a split second before relaxing again.
“Ahh.” He hugged me again and started stroking my back. “What did you decide?”
“Well, in a purely hypothetical situation I kind of like Daddy, but only if that wouldn’t be weird later. I know you’re kind of taking that role for a while, but that doesn’t mean the word is right or that we won’t regret—” I was rambling, trying to find the words, when Forest’s finger moved to cover my lips.
“No.” He tilted my head up until I was staring into his serious face. “No matter how long you call me Daddy…a day…a week…however it works out, I will never regret it. And I don’t want you to either.”
It felt like there was a band tied around my chest making it hard to breathe. All I could do was nod and fight to sort through the emotions and sensations running through me. “I won’t.”
I’d regret a lot of things after we went back to being just friends…but calling him Daddy would never be one of them. “I won’t, Daddy.”
The look on his face was worth all the worry and possible embarrassment. He looked…touched. I wasn’t sure if I mattered to him or if it was just the title, but something about it seemed to hit him deep inside. “I’m glad.”
He took a moment and ran a hand over my head again. “Thank you for trusting me.”
How could I not?
He was Forest.
“Thank you for being honest with me about your life and helping me figure all this out.” He hadn’t needed to be that honest with me to help and we both knew it. He could’ve kept his distance and just explained things without letting me have a meltdown all over him. Forest had chosen to open himself up to help me and I wasn’t going to forget that.
“I will always be there for you.” He smiled tenderly as his finger stroked down my cheek.
For just a split second I let myself give in to the fantasy that he was more than just a friend who was a Daddy. Pushing the misplaced fantasy aside, I smiled. “Don’t forget to bring brownies when you come riding in on your white steed.”
Forest chuckled. “You and your brownies. I may have created a monster.”
“Probably.” No lying about that.
Forest’s grin said he was more than willing to give in to the monster he’d created, though. “Downstairs, monster. Let’s look at the toys and organize the movies, then bedtime for you.”
Aww.
“But it’s still early.” Kind of.