I wasn’t so naïve I’d missed the obvious, but accepting that part hadn’t been an easy road either.
I’d always gotten lectures about how to be more assertive and aggressive and what people would think if I didn’t stand up for myself more. It was still so easy to hear the words rattling around in my head, but I wasn’t going to let them win any longer.
“Part of me wants to just dive in and find things that would be fun. It feels stupid to admit that I need help, though. I just don’t know how…” Hell, I didn’t know how to do anything, but I wanted to learn.
“I would be glad to help.” He pressed a kiss to my head. “Remember, Daddy here. I like helping. It’s kind of programmed into me at this point. In fact, I’m pretty sure at some point my hovering will drive you insane.”
Even with all the crazy going through me, that made me laugh. “I’ll let you know when we hit that point, but I’m pretty sure it will take a while before we get there.”
“Good.” He shifted his hand to wrap around me and hug me closer. “I need to know when I’ve done something that frustrates you. The trust goes both ways in this kind of relationship.”
I wasn’t sure what kind of relationship we had at the moment, but I wasn’t ready to question it. For now, I had a kind-of-Daddy and I was just going to relax and go with the flow. If I had to remind myself of that over and over, that was what I’d do.
“Deal.” I smiled as he kissed my head again. That was clearly one of his favorite ways to show affection. It made me feel warm and almost snuggly inside, so I had no intention of telling him to stop.
Would asking him to kiss my head more sound weird?
Probably.
“Okay, you hold the sheets for me and I’m going to keep digging. I think I see a few things at the back.” I could see him giving the closet a skeptical look as I straightened and took the fabric from him. This closet seemed to be where everything went to die because it was filled with odd things from the rest of the cabin.
Actually, it was all the stuff that they probably felt they had to keep but wasn’t pretty enough for company…a bit like me when I was younger. Eventually it’d get tossed out too. But Forest was going to have fun with it while we were there, though.
He was grinning ear-to-ear as he pulled out a matching blanket. “This will be fun for the fort or for watching cartoons with.”
Setting that aside, he dug back in and came up with a box of sand toys that didn’t seem to belong at a mountain cabin and a large bag of oversized blocks that snapped together. They were kind of like Legos, but a lot bigger. “These will be fun.”
That seemed to be the end of the treasures in the main closet, so Forest set his finds on the spare bed and went over to the small closet tucked into the eaves. “Jackpot.”
He was so excited I had to smile. “Look at all this.”
A box of random toys and a set of kids’ dishes wasn’t exactly what I’d call a jackpot, but I had to admit there was a small part of me that wanted to reach in and dig through it. As he pulled the cardboard container out, I just said “fuck it” to myself and reached for the plastic dinosaur that was at the top of the pile. “This is cool.”
Cody would love it. He had a thing for dinosaurs and some days that was all he talked about online.
“Look at this one.” Forest beamed as he pulled out a Transformer. “There are even some movies at the bottom of the box.”
Okay, maybe he had hit the jackpot.
“Let’s get the little bed set up and then we’ll take the toys downstairs.” Following his plan seemed easiest for a lot of reasons, so I nodded.
Forest was in full Daddy mode as he stood and started rearranging things. He was so cute. He could see everything so clearly in his head that he just charged right in. Pushing the unused queen bed against the wall, he pulled out the twin mattress and laid it on top.
When he found the guard rail tucked behind the mattress, I had to chuckle. No one threw anything out. But I wasn’t going to complain since it was making Forest so pleased. “It’s not a real baby bed, but it’s going to be close.”
That made it sound like he thought my having a crib or something like a toddler bed would have been ideal, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Luckily, he was so excited that it didn’t seem to matter.
He let me help put the sheets on the bed before he pushed the bedrail around the edge of the mattress. He was right, it wasn’t perfect, but it was cute. Forest ran his hand over the mattress as he stood. He looked like he was the world’s best Daddy and just needed the mug to prove it. “There we go.”
“It’s great.” Forest must not have completely believed me, because he stepped close and wrapped me in a hug.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I wasn’t sure if this was a Daddy thing or a Dom thing or just a Forest thing, but I really didn’t care. Resting my head against his shoulder, I shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s cute and part of me is really excited to try it out.”
“But there’s another part that’s what…a bit shy about it or maybe it’s telling you that you shouldn’t want to try it?” His lips pressed against the side of my head near my temple. “You’ve had a lot of changes and emotions in a short time. It’s okay to be confused.”
“I don’t want to be confused.” I huffed, ignoring how whiny it sounded. “I wasn’t confused before. I wasn’t ready to advertise it or go shouting from the rooftops that I was jerking off to porn where one guy was in a diaper and the other was changing him, but—”
Shit.
Hadn’t meant to say that part out loud.
“Um, just ignore that. I think I’m more tired than I thought I was.” My face was so hot it was painful, but when I tried to pull away and look somewhere else…anywhere else…Forest tightened his hold on me.
“Nope. Not going anywhere until we talk about that unless you safeword.”
I sighed. “But I don’t have one yet.”
“Red stops everything for now and yellow for pause and regroup.” He seemed to respond without even thinking about it, but then he paused, kissed my head again and took a breath. “Now, you already told me the basics about what happened before, so there is no need to be embarrassed. Remember, we were going to get it all out in the open tomorrow, so this just gets part of the conversation out a bit early.”
I wanted to respond like a real grown-up, but what actually came out was a slightly pouty groan.
That seemed to please Forest for some reason because he chuckled. “You are so cute.”
I wasn’t sure that was a good thing, but I’d take cute over ridiculous.
“How about we pretend the last thirty seconds or so didn’t happen.” That way I could at least try to look somewhat functional about the whole thing.
“Nope.” Forest seemed very cheerful as he threw a wrench in my plan. “I love knowing what’s going through your head and what your fantasies are.”
“Is that a Daddy thing or just a Forest thing?” Might as well get more stupid things out into the open as long as he found it cute.
He seemed to take the question seriously because he paused for several long seconds. “Probably both. I’ve always liked knowing what was going through my partners’ heads and when it’s someone that I have a deeper connection with, it’s even more important to me.”