“I can forgive you for kissing me,” she said. “But I can’t forgive you if you stop right now.”
And that was it.
That was the last shred of dignity I held onto, the last bit of morality I glimpsed before I groaned, kissed her hard, and flexed my hips, filling her fast and eager and all at once.
We both gasped, open mouths against each other, chills cascading down every inch of us. I withdrew, slower this time, before pressing inside even deeper.
“God, B,” I hissed. “I’ve dreamed of what this would feel like, taking you, feeling you wrapped around me. But it doesn’t even compare. I can’t…” I shook my head, words lost, especially when she wrapped her legs around me even tighter. “I’ll never—”
“I know,” she said.
This was the moment that changed everything.
We felt it in our bones, in our soul, in every point of contact where our slick skin connected. There would be no going back from this, and yet, there was no other option but this either.
Being inside her was coming home.
But it was also jumping off a jagged cliff into a shallow pond.
I think I knew, even then, that that night was all I’d have with her. I took my time, savoring every taste and touch and kiss and moan. I wanted to fill every void Ethan had left in her, wanted to fuck her so thoroughly that none of her romance novels would ever live up to what she experienced in real life with me.
I was branding her, and I wanted her to feel every burning skin cell as I did.
When she came, her moans soft and sweet, her hands fisting in the blanket and swirling the sand beneath it, I took a mental snapshot, never wanting to forget what it felt like when that girl came apart at my touch.
And then I found my release, too — wicked and all consuming.
I never wanted to stop kissing her, once we both came down. I wanted to lie there in that blanket, on that beach, on that night forevermore.
I knew now that I’d had her, truly had her, that meant I could lose her, too.
And that loss was one I knew I wouldn’t survive.
THE NEXT NIGHT WENT so differently from what I imagined, my head was spinning.
Friday was a wash. I didn’t even have time to sleep after I dropped B off before I had to get ready for my first class. After talking to B, I heard my parents’ voices ringing in my head about focusing on what I could control — which, right now, was staying on top of my grades and graduating with my degree.
Even as tired as I was, I resisted the urge to skip class. If this was all I had control over, I would do it right.
My phone was long dead before I got back to my dorm after that night with B, so I put it on the charger and left it there for the day, haphazardly tossing my textbooks and laptop into my bag before dragging myself out the door.
Little did I know how that small decision would fuck everything up.
I thought I’d be back to my dorm by noon, that I’d go to my first class and then go straight back to get a nap. I planned on texting B then, if not going to her dorm to surprise her, but I forgot about the group project meeting I had right after class.
Look, I know from B’s point of view, it looked like I was up to shady shit that next morning. But the girl B saw me with my arm around was Tina, a sweet girl from my economics class whom I liked giving a hard time. She had a boyfriend at another college, and I was a shameless flirt, and I just loved to tease her. She always teased me back and played into my antics, which is exactly what B saw when we walked out of that coffee shop.
I didn’t see her at all.
After that meeting, I went straight back to my dorm and face planted on the bed, exhausted. And I slept through the night.
That next day, I saw the missed text from B. All it said was hey, and as simple of a text as it was, it made me smile and bite my lip and think about all the ways I’d had her the night before.
But texting her back wouldn’t do.
I had to see her.
I took a long, hot shower, hating that I was washing away her scent along with the grime of the last forty-eight hours. The only solace I found was that I’d have her in my arms again soon.
Of course, that solace was quickly chased by guilt, because I knew we’d have to make a plan to tell Ethan about us — and no matter how we broke that news, it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Still, I believed in us, in what we had, and I knew we’d get through anything together.
Ethan and his campaign partner, Shayla, were camped out in our dorm living room working on God knows what when I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I chugged it all at once before refilling, and then sat in one of the chairs, watching them work and chatting with Ethan.
The guilt nearly ate me alive, sitting there with him as he smiled and prattled on about his campaign while I thought of the news I had to break to him. It was too much to stomach, and I’d just made an excuse about needing to run across campus for something, ready to bolt to B’s dorm, when she flew through the door.
“I brought tacos!” she announced, kicking the door closed behind her and holding up two bags.
My heart stopped at the sight of her, and I couldn’t help the smile that bloomed, no matter how I knew I needed to be careful.
Of course, that smile slipped as soon as she ignored me completely and looked right at Ethan, instead.
“You didn’t,” he said.
B nodded, setting the bags down on the kitchen counter before waving hello to Shayla. “I did.”
Look at me, I willed her.
But she kept her eyes on him.
Ethan picked himself up from the floor and rushed over to her, wrapping her in his arms and greeting her with a long, slow, heated kiss.
My nostrils flared, fingers curling into fists.
“Marry me,” he murmured against her lips.
And then, she giggled, swatting him away playfully like nothing had changed.
It took everything I had to sit there and watch it, to force a breath, to swallow, to not jump out of my chair and land my fist right in Ethan’s nose for kissing my girl.
Because she was mine — whether he knew it or not.
“I’ll get this all set up,” B said, gesturing to the taco bags. “Whatcha working on?”
“Just going through inventory, figuring out next week’s plan so we can have some fun and not think about this election tonight at the party.”
“Amen!” Shayla yelled.
B tried to smile, but it was weak, and then she stepped closer to Ethan. “Do you have a second to talk? I… I need to tell you something.”
My heart stopped.
Fuck.
Thoughts raced through my mind faster than I could keep up with.
She regrets it. She’s going to tell him and beg for forgiveness. She doesn’t want me. It’s all over.
But then I frowned, because that didn’t make sense — not after last night. Not after everything.
Ethan grabbed her arms, concerned. “Is everything okay, babe?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “I just, there’s just something we need to talk about.”
“Okay,” he said, and then he glanced back at Shayla. “Would it be okay if we talked later tonight? We’re really trying to get all this done before the party. I mean, that is, if you’re sure you’re okay and it can wait?”