“How come that doesn’t apply to you?”
“I’m his big sister, not his girlfriend. You have to trust him, or the relationship is doomed.”
She sighed. “I do trust him. Really. But he’s fragile. Your dad called him the other day and lectured him about shacking up with a sugar mama who’s just using him. For what, I don’t know since, you know, I pay most of the bills.”
“Is he not contributing?” I demanded.
“No, he is. He pays for his phone, the gas for the car, and buys all the groceries. He’s also looking into getting a healthcare plan but he doesn’t work enough hours and Marla said she can’t hire him full-time. Priscilla could, but he doesn’t want to work for her directly, and I don’t blame him.”
“I don’t either, but sometimes when you adult, you have to make hard decisions.”
“He’s been clean other than a couple of drinks a day for more than two months, Bri. That’s huge for Noah.”
“I know. And I’m so proud of him, but I worry for you. Life with an addict will be hard, Kiki.”
She looked down. “I know. But I love him. Like, really love him. Underneath is this sweet, kind, gentle soul. And he likes me. I mean, I think he loves me too, but I’m talking about the crazy parts of me. The purple hair, the nose ring, the tattoos…he thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and fun.”
“As much as I hate to ask this, so keep it clean, how’s the sex?”
She grinned. “If I told you the things we did, you’d be traumatized for life.”
I lifted my brows. “Really? My brother is a freak in bed?”
“He’s not a freak. He’s adventurous and the least selfish lover I’ve ever had. He absolutely will not get off before me unless it’s all about him, like the birthday blow job—”
“Ack!” I put up my hand. “That’s enough.
She laughed. “I’m just saying he’s wonderful.”
I coughed. “I don’t want any details—just yes or no. Does he go down on you?”
She frowned but immediately nodded. “Well, yeah. Doesn’t Bash go down on you?”
“Yes, but…” I chewed my lip. “No one ever had before him and I wondered if it was something about me that turned them off.”
“Oh, fuck that. They were just selfish pricks. When are you going to realize he’s the one, the soul mate you never thought you’d find, and officially move in instead of continuing to pay half the rent on an apartment you don’t live in?”
“Can Noah pay half the rent?”
“Not yet, but we could tighten our belts and—”
“No. I’m not putting that pressure on him. And my expenses have gone down since I literally don’t pay for anything with Declan. I pay for my phone and my gas most of the time, but if I sleep in, he’ll get up, take my keys and go fill up the tank so I don’t have to.”
“God, you hit the jackpot with that man.”
I smiled but let out a little sigh.
“Oh, geez, now what?”
“What happens when he goes on tour and I go to college?”
“First of all, you’re not going to college until next year, even if you get accepted right away. Second, have you talked to him?”
“Right, but he’s probably going on tour this fall, and I have to work.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.” I met her eyes. “I can’t quit my job to go on tour, have us break up, and then be left with nothing.”
“You have zero risk!” she said firmly. “Your room will always be available in our apartment. You have a ton of experience, so finding another waitressing job will be easy. And frankly, if you think he’d do that to you, why are you even with him?”
She was right, of course. I’d just lectured her about trusting Noah and yet I had my own trust issues with Declan. Even now, after he’d shown me what kind of man he was in so many ways, I was afraid this was doomed to fail.
“What if this was just convenient for him while he’s been off tour and at home without groupies and stuff? What happens when the most beautiful women anywhere start throwing themselves at him day and night?”
“Men who cheat are going to cheat,” she said firmly. “Going on tour has nothing to do with it. Noah might fall off the sobriety wagon, but he won’t cheat on me. He just won’t. I know that in my soul. He might even dump me, but he won’t cheat. And I don’t believe Declan will either.”
“He won’t cheat,” I agreed, “but what happens when he remembers how much greener the grass can be out there in the big world of showbiz once he’s immersed in it again? And don’t lecture me about how beautiful I am and all that shit. You’re right, I’m a beautiful woman. But I’m not celebrity beautiful and we both know it. Declan can have anyone.”
“Yes, he can. Even when he’s not on tour. Yet he chose you.”
Ugh. I hated being insecure. I usually wasn’t, but Declan was so amazing, the idea of losing him terrified me because there would never be anyone like him. I was so deeply in love with him, it was hard to admit it. We hadn’t used the L-word yet, though, which made me wonder if he had the same feelings I did or not.
“You should talk to him,” Kiki said lightly. “Really. Noah and I try to have talks every couple of days. Like, serious talks. Obviously, his addiction issues are different so it takes a lot of work, but it’s so worth it. When he admits his buddy called and wanted to go get high, and how hard it was to say no. Like he’ll come into the bedroom, hand me his phone, and say ‘please distract me.’ It makes me want to cry. Partly because I’m scared for him and partly because it feels so good to know he trusts me.”
“Declan and I talk too, but not about my insecurities. It feels weird saying ‘hey, I’m scared you’re going to leave me.’ So I just don’t.”
“Try it. It’s important.”
“I know.” I did know, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Declan was sitting up in bed doing something on his phone when I got home from work the next night. He looked as sexy as always, shirtless with his wavy hair down around his shoulders.
“Hey, beautiful.” When he looked at me the way he was looking at me now, my insides always got a little warm and excited.
“Hi.” I leaned over to kiss him.
“How was work?”
“Exhausting. I’m going to jump in the shower.”
“Okay.”
I went into the bathroom and dropped my clothes into the hamper. Fiona was coming in the morning and they would be clean before my next shift.
I started as Declan’s arms closed around me from behind. I leaned back against him with a smile.
“I missed you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I missed you too.” I relaxed into him, letting his warmth envelop me.
His fingers trailed down my side, along my waist, over the curve of my hip, and then between my legs. As always, the moment he touched me like that, I forgot everything else. We’d stopped using condoms about a month ago, after getting blood work done, and now we had sex all the time. Anywhere and everywhere. Thank goodness Ford was gone a lot.