I was nervous again. Twice in two days had to be some kind of record for me, but it was okay. I had a lot to say and I was going to start with an apology, which wasn’t easy for anyone, least of all me. Luckily, my bandmates were pretty awesome and they probably wouldn’t give me a hard time. Well, not too much anyway.
“I don’t want to turn this into a long, drawn-out thing,” I told them once everyone had gathered in Tyler’s kitchen. We seemed to be most relaxed when there was food involved, and Tyler’s housekeeper had provided a nice spread for us. “I owe you all an apology. I was going through some shit, and essentially, I took it out on you because you were the ones who had the most power to hurt me. So to speak.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking ‘bout, mate,” Stu said, quirking a brow at me. He’d driven to Las Vegas this morning for the meeting.
“Pretty Harts didn’t have a fight or contractual disagreements or even creative differences—one day we were at the very top and the next day we were done. There was no mourning period, no adjustment period, no trying to work it out—just gone. And they—you—” I looked at Tyler “—were my family. I don’t have a real family. I don’t speak to my dad, my mom’s dead, no siblings, no extended family I’m close to. Which left my music. My band. My bandmates. In that moment, I lost it all, which I know is hard to understand since I had plenty of money.”
“And then Casey essentially threw us at you,” Lexi said softly.
I’d forgotten that Lexi knew me as well as she did. Our breakup had been amicable and I’d been happy to work with her again, but that wasn’t what I was talking about today.
“Exactly.” I met her gaze gratefully. “I didn’t know you. I didn’t know if you were my people yet, even though the music was good. So when Casey started talking about changes and branding and all that other shit, it felt like something bad was coming.” I looked around. “It felt like I was losing something again, and I was prepared to walk away before I let someone take away another family. Which is what you’ve all become.”
“Oh, Declan.” Lexi usually called me Bash, but somehow this felt more intimate, and she came over to me and threw her arms around my neck, holding me tightly. “We’re not going anywhere. Not me anyway.”
“I ain’t gonna hug ya,” Ford drawled, leaning back in his stool, “but I ain’t goin’ nowhere. You’re stuck with me. Also, I’d be homeless if I left, so there’s that.”
I flipped my middle finger at him as Lexi pulled away, shaking her head.
“You hear about it happening all the time in rock and roll, bands like the Eagles, Pink Floyd, Queensrÿche…historically, the members of some of the greatest rock bands of all time didn’t like each other. And there’s been a part of me that’s wondered if maybe some of you didn’t like me.”
“I don’t like you,” Tyler said quietly. “I love you. And you know I don’t use that word casually.”
“Bloody hell, mate, that what you think of us?” Stu made a face.
“I told you, I owe you all an apology. It was my own shit, and I had to sort it out.”
“Change is hard,” Lexi said. “But in this particular case, change is about business. It’s not like it was with Casey and Jayson. Oh, and fuck him, by the way.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “No, but thanks for the sentiment.”
“So, are we good?” Ford asked. “Because I’m dating this freakin’ British supermodel who wants me to do threesomes and shit, and I need to know how far I should carry on this charade.”
We all turned to look at him.
“Threesomes?” I asked.
“She’s wild,” he said solemnly. “Right up my alley. Except, you know, she’s not really my girlfriend and she’s into chicks.”
“She’s a lesbian?” Lexi asked, wide-eyed.
“No one knows that,” he said quickly. “And I said her secrets were safe with me, but we decided to wait before officially coming out as a couple until we figured out our band shit.”
I sat back and grinned. “As long as you’re having fun, you two should definitely make your first public appearance together.”
“I’m so gettin’ laid tonight.” Ford popped a toothpick in his mouth and grinned.
Damn, that had been so much easier than I’d thought it would be.
23
Brianna
* * *
For the first time in my adult life, maybe even ever, I was happy. It was hard for someone like me to use that word but this was the only time in my life I hadn’t been worried about something. For two months I’d been dating the most wonderful guy I’d ever known, my brother was on the straight and narrow, working for Marla and interning with Nobody’s Fool as a guitar tech. Stu was teaching him to play and it was a delight to see him practicing and showing us what he’d learned. His birthday had been last weekend and the band had gotten together and bought him his own guitar, instead of borrowing one of Stu’s, and he’d been so happy he’d cried.
Kiki was completely head over heels for him, and they essentially lived together. I was basically living with Declan even though we’d hadn’t made it official, and Dunkin was likely the most spoiled cat in Las Vegas. Declan had never had a pet and he spoiled her almost like a child. It was sweet as hell and I loved watching the two of them together.
Things were about to change, though, because their second album was almost done and there was another club tour in the works. I didn’t know what that meant for me and Declan and was too afraid to ask. I’d just filled out my application to the culinary school in L.A. and sent it in, but I hadn’t told Declan. It wasn’t that I was keeping it a secret, but it occurred to me that by doing so, it would appear that I wasn’t invested in our relationship. The thing was, how could we have a relationship if he went on tour and I went to L.A. for school? Culinary school wasn’t like a regular university, where you could take some online classes, summer classes, etc., to finish sooner. All classes were in person, mostly in the kitchen, actually doing things. Sure, there would be homework and reading and studying, but the work itself was mostly hands-on.
I was also terrified at the idea of Noah going on tour with them. He was doing so well, it was amazing. He still drank, but not like he used to and his hands no longer shook. His skin was ruddy again and he’d filled out. Kiki fed him like a starving refugee or something, and they were completely in love. It was sweet to watch, though I still worried sometimes, but Kiki assured me she had it under control.
We were meeting for lunch today since we rarely saw each other these days outside of work, and it was nice to sit down at a restaurant where we could talk without interruption.
“So what’s new?” I asked her.
She gave a little half-shrug. “Not much? I’ve been feeling a little tired lately. I’ve got to stop waiting up for Noah like he’s my kid and it’s his first night out driving the car.”
I chuckled. “Either you trust him or you don’t.”