He slid into me from behind, lifting my right leg to give him better access, and I sighed happily. It was so good when he was inside of me, our bodies linked together, his mouth always touching somewhere on my body while he made love to me. In the beginning, I’d considered the rough, passionate sex we had fucking, but over time I’d realized that this was making love. Enjoying our voracious sexual appetites didn’t take away from the emotional bond and I surged back against him.
“More,” I pleaded. “God, I need more.”
He adjusted our positions so he had a better angle and then hammered into me until I shrieked with pleasure. My orgasms seemed to get stronger the longer we were together, and it was amazing.
“Drop down and suck me off, baby.” His voice was always deeper and raspier when we were having sex and I did as he asked without question. He knew how much it turned me on to be in this position and if he added in some dirty talk, I’d probably come again.
I sucked him deep, no longer embarrassed by the taste of my own arousal, and wrapped one of my hands around both of his balls. He liked it a little rough down there so I squeezed until he growled, his fingers digging into my hair. He pushed deeper into my mouth since I’d been trying to deep-throat him for a few weeks now but hadn’t quite been able to without gagging to the point I couldn’t stand it. I was determined, though, and opened my mouth wider.
“You ready?” he asked. He knew I wanted to, so it wasn’t about him pressuring me, and I nodded.
He pushed deeper and I closed my eyes, willing myself to let it happen. Declan always told me to just relax, that it would eventually happen, and finally it did. I felt him hit the back of my throat and while I almost gagged, I managed to keep it under control.
“Oh, fuck, baby, that’s beautiful…” He pulled out a little and then pushed back in, doing it over and over until he shot off deep in my throat. And it was so fucking hot I didn’t care about anything but making him feel as good as he made me feel.
“Damn, Bri.” He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. “That was fucking perfect. You’re fucking perfect.” He kissed me, covering my lips with his and gliding his tongue in and out the way he’d done with his cock.
“God, I’m going to miss you.” The words slipped out before I could stop them and I felt him start, his arms tightening around me.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked after a moment.
“Not me, no.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked softly, lifting my chin so he could look into my eyes.
“When you go on tour,” I whispered.
“Is that what this deep-throating thing has been about?” he demanded. “You worrying that if you don’t do every crazy thing in bed I’ll look for something on tour?”
“No.” I shook my head. “The sex stuff is because I want to. But I do worry about, you know, the other stuff.”
“You think I’d cheat on you?” He looked furious.
“No.”
“Then what? Why do you think my going on tour will change anything?”
“How can it not?”
24
Bash
* * *
She seemed almost resigned to me cheating on her or something, and it was both sad and frustrating. I’d known she was nervous about me going on tour, but I kept hoping she’d quit her job and come with me. She was nothing if not stubborn and independent, so I hadn’t pushed it, but now I was annoyed. Despite her denying it, my gut told me her recent quest to try all this new stuff in the bedroom was a subconscious effort to somehow not lose me. Even though I had no intention of going anywhere and if I did, it wouldn’t be because of anything she did or didn’t do in bed.
“We have to talk,” I muttered. “Finish cleaning up and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” I got out and dried off without looking at her. I wasn’t mad but maybe a little hurt. How many ways could I show her how I felt before she believed it? I’d moved her into my place, I’d convinced her to quit her second job so we could have more time together, I’d given her brother a new lease on life, and I spoiled her rotten.
What more did she want from me?
A commitment?
It suddenly occurred to me that we hadn’t made our relationship official. She still paid rent at her old apartment and though I loved her, I hadn’t used the words. We hadn’t verbalized the extent of our relationship, and maybe it was time. I’d been reluctant at first because I didn’t want to scare her off, but at this point, it seemed like every little thing might scare her off.
She came in a few minutes later, her hair still damp, wearing nothing but my Pretty Harts T-shirt. She got into bed but instead of curling up against my chest like she usually did, she sat cross-legged next to me.
I reached out my hand and waited for her to put hers in it. She hesitated for a second but then rested her hand in mine and I took the opportunity to pull her closer.
“You have to talk to me,” I said quietly. “I know there are parts of you that still feel like the Sandy to my Danny, but I try to show you how I feel about you every single day, Bri. It’s not fair that you don’t trust me.”
“It’s not,” she agreed. “And I’m sorry. I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone other than Kiki, and I’m getting there, but it’s hard to think about you on tour.”
“You knew I was a musician when we met.”
“But when we met you were a musician who didn’t know what was going on with his band and was actually considering retiring. Now you’re not and I’m invested and I don’t know what to expect.”
“If you’d just come with me—”
“Okay, stop.” She sat up straighter. “My insecurities are one thing, but me going on tour with you is something else altogether. I have a life, a career I’m working toward, and responsibilities, like my parents. And even if that wasn’t the case, what the hell will I do all day while you’re on tour? Sit on the tour bus and watch movies on my laptop while we travel from city to city? For you, it’s a necessary evil because it’s part of your job, but how is that healthy for me?”
She had a point and I reluctantly agreed. “I get that. I do. But I want you with me. Ariel comes on tour with us. Zaan comes on tour when he’s not playing hockey. Lindsay comes back and forth regularly.”
“And I’ll do that,” she said. “I can’t wait to see you play live. From the first row, no less. But—”
“Honey, you’re going to be on stage, just off in the wings,” I told her.
Her eyes rounded. “That’s a thing? Like girlfriends can be in the wings onstage?”
“Of course.”
“Now that sounds fun.”
I chuckled, reaching out to pull her against me. “Bri, I’m in love with you. I’m not going anywhere emotionally, even if we have to be apart physically on and off.”
She didn’t move, didn’t respond, didn’t do much of anything. She was quiet for so long I reached down to tip her face up. And those gorgeous green eyes of hers were filled with tears.