“We’ll find a way to send you to rehab,” I told him. “I’ll figure it out.”
Noah shook his head. “Bri, stop it. This isn’t your problem. I’m the one with the problem and I have to figure it out.”
“This time it’s my fault. If I hadn’t introduced you to Declan and the band, you wouldn’t have been on tour with them and faced with so much temptation. No, I got you into this so—”
“Okay, stop. What are you talking about?” He squinted in the semi-darkness. “This isn’t your fault or the band’s fault or anyone else’s fault. It’s mine. I got news that was too much for me to handle and panicked. This is a thousand percent on me.”
I cocked my head. “News? What kind of news?”
He sighed. “Is Kiki on her way?”
“My phone died and then the doctors were in here so I haven’t spoken to her. I didn’t want to text her that you’d overdosed until I knew more about what was going on.”
“Christ.” He ran his hands down his face. “Bri, Kiki told me she’s pregnant this morning.”
“What?” I gaped at him. “Kiki’s pregnant?”
“You didn’t know?” He seemed confused. “She didn’t tell you?”
“No!” It all made sense now. Kiki being so weird lately, not returning my calls, her brief responses to texts. She’d known I would be upset and hadn’t wanted to tell me.
“I didn’t react well,” he said quietly. “I kind of freaked. I mean, what the hell kind of life is this kid going to have with a dad like me? Not only am I a freakin’ addict, I have zero earning potential right now, and Kiki works as a waitress. She’s going to have to stop before the end of the pregnancy, and then we’re all going to starve to death. It’s a big mess, Bri, but it has nothing to do with the band or you or Bash or anything like that.” He paused. “I thought I heard you talking earlier…did you and Bash fight about it?”
“I…” Guilt and shame washed over me and I grimaced. “Yes, we argued about it. I blamed him.”
“Oh, Bri.” He shook his head. “You have to let go, sis. You’re not my mom, and even if you were, I’m a grown man. I’ll always be younger than you, but I’m twenty-three years old. And whether I like it or not, I’m going to be a father next year. You have to let me do what I’m going to do.”
“You tried to kill yourself!” I burst out, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t, I won’t let you do that to yourself.”
“I didn’t,” he protested, shaking his head. “I needed an escape. I was so deep inside my head, beating myself up for not being more careful, trying to figure out how I was going to take care of this kid, and I just wanted to turn everything off. So I turned to the one escape I knew for sure would work. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted my brain to shut up for a while.”
I pulled the chair closer to his bed and sank down, resting my elbows on the edge of the mattress. “Oh, Noah.”
“Yeah, I know.” He put one of his hands over mine. “I love you, sis, but you have to let me figure out my own shit. It’s long past time for me to grow up.”
I swiped at the tears on my face. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
“You’re not gonna lose me. I have a kid to think about now. I can’t fuck up again.”
“That’s why you have to go back to rehab.”
“Maybe. But you’re not paying for it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t pay for it but you need help sooner rather than later.”
“You’re not using your money for school to send me back to rehab. That was a one-and-done deal. I mean it, Bri.” His green eyes blazed with intensity.
“Okay, let’s not talk about this tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll figure something out, okay?”
“Go back to the hotel and sleep. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m fine. Nothing is going to happen to me here. Will you just let Kiki know what happened and tell her I love her?”
“I’ll bring you your phone in the morning,” I said, getting up.
“Thanks.” He squeezed my hand. “Go. Make up with Bash and rest. I love you, Bri.”
“I love you too.”
30
Bash
* * *
I’d heard Bri come in around three in the morning, but she hadn’t said anything and when she crawled into bed, she scooted away as far as possible from me on the mattress. I let her sleep when I got up, getting on the phone and taking care of the things I felt needed to be taken care of. I didn’t know what was going to happen with the two of us, but the band had discussed Noah’s situation last night and had agreed the best place for him was a Betty Ford clinic. There was an inpatient program not too far away from here, and I’d already set everything in motion. Lance and Stu were at the hospital now with him, figuring out all the logistics of having him moved.
In the meantime, I was still hurt and angry. I knew Bri had been scared last night, and I’d been okay with her blaming me for what happened to Noah, but when she’d said I wasn’t family, that the band and I essentially didn’t count for anything in Noah’s life, that pissed me off. Stu had become an integral part of Noah’s life, whether Bri wanted to admit it or not, and teaching him to play guitar had been cathartic for Noah. I didn’t know what set him off yesterday to send him spiraling again, but we probably should have sent him to rehab earlier.
Except Bri was too fucking stubborn to let me pay for it. What she didn’t understand about family was that some of us chose the people we considered family. That had been a big part of the reason I’d been so disheartened after the collapse of Pretty Harts. They’d been my family and they’d walked away from me, except for Tyler. I considered everyone in the Nobody’s Fool organization, along with their spouses and significant others, my family now.
“Hi.” Bri got out of bed and came into the room looking tired and tousled. I’d gotten us a suite for this trip, and having two separate rooms had come in handy today, but I wasn’t sure how much she’d heard.
“Morning.” I glanced up at her.
“I, um…” She paused. “I owe you an apology.”
“Yeah, you do.” I didn’t like being a jerk, but she’d hurt me yesterday. I’d bent over backward to show her my feelings, do things for her, and worked long and hard to gain her trust. That she’d tossed it—and me—away over what had happened didn’t sit right with me.
“I was really scared,” she said, looking at me with those big green eyes. “But I shouldn’t have blamed you for Noah’s overdose. Apparently, Kiki’s pregnant, and when she told him he panicked.”
That was news to me and I frowned. “I had no idea.”
“None of us did. She didn’t even tell me.”
My phone buzzed and I looked down.
LANCE: The car is here. We’re taking him to the rehab place now.
BASH: Thanks. Let me know if they need anything beyond the credit card number I gave them a little while ago.”