LANCE: Will do.
“I’m sorry for being so difficult last night,” she said, when I put my phone away.
“That’s what you’re sorry for? Being difficult?” I met her gaze steadily, my heart dropping a little as I realized she had no idea she’d actually hurt me. She was sorry she’d taken out her frustration on me, but not for the hurtful things she’d said. Maybe I was being overly sensitive, but she knew how much family meant to me. Yet she hadn’t hesitated to tell me I wasn’t part of hers.
“I…” Her voice trailed off as her phone buzzed. “Oh, shit, it’s Kiki. I have to take this. I’m sorry. Give me a minute.” She went back in the bedroom and as I watched her go, my gut told me it was over between us. She had to understand that words had meaning, and consequences. I went out of my way to be thoughtful and kind. Not just to her, but to everyone, from people I worked with to strangers I met backstage. It didn’t cost anything to be nice, so I lived my life that way. She could have said a dozen different things last night in the heat of the moment, but instead she’d taken a jab at the one thing that would hurt me the most.
I didn’t know if I could be with a woman like that. Especially this one. I loved her so much I would do anything for her, yet she hadn’t hesitated to turn on me when it came to her brother. And that hurt like a motherfucker.
By the time she came out of the bedroom, I’d turned a football game on and was staring at the TV mindlessly.
“Where is Noah?” she demanded when I looked up.
“On his way to rehab.”
“What rehab?” She looked mad again but I didn’t have another argument in me. More than anything, I wanted her to get on her flight and go home. As selfish as that was, I needed time to think. It had been a long, stressful twenty-four hours and I was emotionally wiped out. I didn’t know where to go from here and didn’t have a serious conversation in me right now. Instead, I told her where he would be for the next sixty days.
“Sixty days? We can’t afford a stay like that! I’ve told you this before, Declan. You know how I feel about you paying for this and—”
“I know how you feel about a lot of things,” I said abruptly. “But this isn’t about you and me. This is about Noah and the band. He’s one of us now, and despite you not considering us family, he does. We spoke at length this morning and he wants to go to rehab and do whatever it takes to get better so he can not only come back to work, but be a father to that baby Kiki is carrying.”
“Kiki didn’t say a word about any of that!” she protested.
“He hasn’t told her yet. He’s going to call her when he gets there.”
“And the doctors just released him? Last night they didn’t know if he was going to wake up.”
“He’s not in prison, Bri. He’s moving from the hospital to a rehab facility where they have some of the best medical staff in the state to look after him. He’s going to get better and hopefully learn how to stay clean.”
“How can we be there for him if he’s in California and Kiki and I are in Vegas?”
“You can’t visit for a few weeks anyway. He’s going to be completely immersed in the program.”
She seemed to wilt a little, leaning against the wall and continuing to stare at me. I knew her well enough to know she wanted to say something, but I wasn’t going to make this easy for her. I couldn’t.
“I have a car coming to take you to the airport at noon,” I said after a minute of awkward silence.
“I thought I would stay another day to make sure Noah’s okay,” she said slowly. “But I guess there’s no reason to if I can’t see him.”
“There’s no visitation yet so it’s probably better for you to get home and make sure Kiki’s okay. This is probably going to be hardest on her.”
Bri looked like she might protest but then just nodded. “I guess I should…pack.”
“Yeah.” I turned back to the football game. God, I felt like a world-class jerk but I didn’t know what else to say or do. She obviously wasn’t going to apologize and hadn’t even bothered to thank me for helping Noah. Maybe she wasn’t who I thought she was, and that made me sadder than I wanted to admit.
“I feel like this is goodbye,” she whispered when she came out of the bedroom with her suitcase.
“I need a little time,” I admitted.
“Time? You mean, time apart?”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” She stared up at me in surprise, her eyes filling with tears.
I hated when she cried, and hated myself a little for being the reason for it, but I didn’t know what to do with her anymore. “I’m saying we need a little time apart to think about whether this thing between us is going to work out. It feels like you’re constantly pushing me away and it’s exhausting.”
“Yesterday was a really stressful day.”
“I know. That’s why I think we need space, to think it over and decide what to do going forward. I’m sorry, Bri. Let’s just give it a few weeks, okay?”
She swiped at her eyes but quickly nodded. “Yes, of course. Whatever you think. I, um, I think I’m going to wait for the car downstairs.”
“Safe travels,” I said as she opened the door to our suite.
“I…” She turned back in the doorway, her eyes meeting mine. “Thank you for everything you did for Noah. I mean it.”
“You’re welcome.”
Then she was gone and I was more alone than I’d been in a very long time.
31
Brianna
* * *
I got an Uber from the airport and had it take me to Declan’s condo. I needed to see Kiki and talk to her, but all my things were at the condo, and frankly, I was so heartbroken right now, I didn’t know if I had enough strength to be there for Kiki, who was freaking out now that she’d heard from Noah.
The last twenty-four hours had been some of the worst of my entire life. I’d almost lost my brother and I’d essentially lost the man I loved too. As I went over our argument in the hospital corridor in my mind, I tried to remember exactly what I’d said. Declan was usually so easygoing, so my heart squeezed painfully as it became clear I’d somehow hurt him.
I was so lost as I walked into our bedroom—his bedroom—and started to unpack. Then I realized I had to not only not unpack, but pack up the rest of my things too. He hadn’t told me I had to move out, but how could I stay if we weren’t together?
I sank down on the bed and sobbed. For Noah, for myself, for Declan, for the shit show that was my life. No matter how hard I tried, everything always went to shit. And once again, Noah was at the center of my misery. It all started with that damn car accident, which initially derailed my plans to go to college. After that, it was one damn crisis after another, and while I loved my little brother, I was beginning to see a pattern where I let his problems take over my life. And that couldn’t be healthy.
Eventually, I was all cried out and I went into the bathroom to wash my face. The same bathroom where Declan and I had made love so many times. That shower was one of our favorite places to fool around, and my eyes filled with tears all over again. How had I let Noah come between us? Noah was an adult now, no matter how young he was in my mind, and now he was going to be a father himself. Everyone, from Declan to Kiki to Noah himself, had been telling me it was time to let him grow up. He’d been a screwup and would probably make more mistakes, but at some point, he had to be the one to deal with them.