We paused as we got off the elevator, looking to see which direction the room was. Declan had said he was with Tyler so we were going to see both of them at the same time.
“This way.” Ariel led the way and we walked to the end of the corridor where a security guard was posted outside the door.
“Hi. I’m Mrs. Rabinowicz, Tyler’s wife,” Ariel said with an air of authority I’d never heard from her before.
“Can I see some ID?” the man asked.
“It’s okay, Ted.” Declan stuck his head out the door. “They’re with us.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. James.” The security guard nodded and Ariel practically flew past Declan and into the room.
“We should give them some privacy,” Declan said, his eyes glued to mine. “Want to take a walk?”
“Sure.” We turned and went back toward the elevator. Once we were inside, he turned to me and gently reached out to cup my face.
“I’ve missed you, Red.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“How’s Dunkin?”
“She wanders around the condo looking for you.”
“What about you?”
“Me?”
“Do you wander around looking for me too?”
I searched his face, looking for a clue as to what was in his heart. Had he forgiven me?
“No. But I turn over at night when I’m in bed and reach for you.”
Neither of us spoke, just continued looking into each other’s eyes as his warm fingers gently caressed one side of my face. We stood there a fraction of a beat after the elevator opened and then he slid his hand around mine.
“Let’s go back to the hotel,” he said softly. “Tyler’s fine for now, especially with Ariel there. And we need to talk.”
“Okay.” I sat close to him in the Uber on the way to the hotel, my head resting on his shoulder.
“Are you hungry?” he asked as we got out of the car and walked through the lobby.
“No.” I shook my head.
He hadn’t let go of my hand and I was grateful for that because I was feeling a little light-headed as we walked. He’d asked me to come but he hadn’t yet kissed me or said anything to make me think things were going to be okay between us. I hadn’t hesitated to say yes when he’d asked me to get on a plane, but now that I was here my stomach was churning and my heart felt like a gong inside my chest every time it beat.
“I don’t have a couch in here,” he said as we walked in. “Okay if we sit on the bed?”
I managed a nod. Since when did he ask if we could sit on a bed?
Since you’re on a break, I reminded myself.
“This is hard,” I blurted out as I sat on the edge of the bed.
“What is?” He looked down at me with so much tenderness I wanted to cry.
“This weirdness between us! I know it’s my fault and I’m sorry but I don’t know how to fix it and I miss you so much but—” He cut me off by leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. He kissed me gently but firmly, hands on my shoulders as he slowly parted my lips.
Kissing him was like coming home and the churning in my stomach immediately let up, the anxious feeling in my chest dissipated, and I pulled him closer until we toppled over backwards and he was on top of me.
He chuckled. “This wasn’t my intention, Red.”
“I know.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Can we talk like this? I need you to…touch me.”
“Yeah.” He scooted up a little so he was fully on the bed and then turned onto his side, taking me partially with him so we were facing each other, but our bodies were pressed close together. “Close enough?”
“Yes.”
“I’m gonna start with a question.”
“Okay.”
“Do you love me, Red?”
I couldn’t believe he had to ask. “So much it hurts.”
“It shouldn’t hurt, but we’ll work on that.” He brought one hand up to push a stray lock of hair out of my face. “First things first—I owe you an apology.”
“Oh, no,” I said quickly. “I’m the one that owes you one.”
“Maybe we both owe each other apologies, or maybe we just owe each other a little soul-searching honesty.”
“Yes. That. For sure.” His closeness had me breathless after being without him for what felt like an eternity.
“I love you, Brianna. My heart has been shattered since I told you I wanted some space.”
“Mine too.”
“The thing is, you hurt me so I reacted badly. In retrospect, I know it wasn’t intentional, but you hit me in my most vulnerable place.”
“I never meant to,” I said, tears filling my eyes.
“I know, but in the moment, it stung and after the whole thing with Jayson and Pretty Harts, I’m probably more sensitive about some things than I should be.”
“About family,” I said slowly, swallowing hard as the enormity of what I’d done hit me. “And I told you that you weren’t Noah’s family.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” I paused. We had to be honest. “Well, I did, but I didn’t. I didn’t mean it the way it came out, but I guess there was an element of truth to it because it’s been me and Noah for a long time. Our parents are alive and in our lives, but not in a meaningful way. I took on the role of watching out for Noah when I was fifteen or so because Mom started drinking so heavily, and it all escalated after the car accident. So the idea of letting someone else in, someone that would be family to both of us, has never been on my radar. But I never imagined there was someone in the world out there for me like you. I never imagined loving anyone the way I love you. And I’m so, so sorry I screwed everything up with the things I said.”
“It’s okay, baby. If we’re being honest, I was selfish, only thinking about my own issues and history, without taking your feelings into consideration.”
“What you’re doing—and have been doing—for Noah has been wonderful. It’s not selfish. I’m the one who’s selfish, always trying to control everything and refusing to let people in because in my experience, the people closest to you are the ones who let you down.”
“We have a lot of the same issues, but from opposite perspectives. To me, family is everything because I literally don’t have one. My band, my inner circle of friends, that’s the only family I have, so if you threaten to take it from me, I don’t react well. Like you saw with my lingering issues with Jayson.”
I nodded. “And my family is an absolute shit show, so I don’t look at family the same way you do.”
“Which brings us full circle,” he whispered. “I want you to be my family. Forever. We can create our own family, with the band and Noah and Kiki, and any babies we might want someday. Our family will be the people we choose to be in our lives forever, not necessarily the people we share DNA with.”
“I said the most awful things to you,” I said sadly, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“I already have.” His warm fingers were stroking my arm, making goose flesh break out on my skin. “When Tyler collapsed this morning, I was frantic. I was cursing at the cab driver and yelling at people—I didn’t even recognize myself. Lexi had to calm me down, and it wasn’t until the doctors told us he was okay, and I could breathe again, that I realized what a hypocrite I was. You reacted similarly when Noah overdosed, and instead of understanding, I made it about me. That’s my bad and I promise I’ll do my best to never let it happen again.”