By the time I get back to the party, I’m wheezing and looking for my inhaler.
“Are you okay?” Will says as I rummage in my bag.
“No.” I wheeze, struggling to get air in. “I can’t find my inhaler.”
“Fuck,” he says, taking my bag and searching for the puffer.
My chest tightens as my airways constrict.
The pain is coming on faster than usual.
“It’s not in here, Jess,” Will says.
“It is.” I wheeze. “I always have it.” Fuck, I need that inhaler.
He upends the bag and dumps all the contents on the grass. “I can’t see it.”
I can’t either.
I also can’t focus on that anymore.
All I can focus on is getting oxygen in.
But I’m drowning.
I can’t find a breath.
My throat has closed.
I’m suffocating.
The world is spinning.
Coming in and out of focus.
Will’s face.
Mira’s face.
Is the earth tilting?
Why is there no air?
I collapse to the ground.
My legs can’t do this anymore.
WHERE IS THE AIR?
36
Jack
Mum’s house is twenty minutes from the park. Axe and his guy follow me. The fucking paparazzi follow them. And when I get to Mum’s, there are two photographers camped outside her house too.
These guys are fucking relentless, and I’ve reached the end of my patience with the whole fucking thing.
I can handle them saying shit about me, but I can’t handle them saying shit about Jessica, and that’s what they’ve started doubling down on.
I exit Jessica’s car in a burst of angry energy and stalk towards the two photographers waiting outside Mum’s. Ripping my sunglasses off, I get in their face. “You assholes need to fuck off and leave my mother alone.”
“Yeah, good luck with that, buddy,” one of them says. “We’re all just doing our jobs here. You included.”
“No, my job description doesn’t fucking have you in it.”
“It kinda does.”
My fists clench.
Axe moves close. “Don’t do it, Jack.”
Fuck.
He’s right.
This is what these assholes are looking for. They want to see some classic Jack Kingsley behaviour.
I force out a frustrated breath and take Axe’s advice. “Thanks,” I say to him on the way inside.
“Yeah.” He stops when we reach the front door. “These guys aren’t worth you taking a tumble.”
“I often forget that in the heat of the moment. I appreciate the reminder.”
He nods as I step through the door. He then closes the door behind me and turns to go and do his thing.
“Mum,” I call as I walk down her hallway. She still lives in the house I grew up in, having kept it when she divorced my father. Fuck knows why she chose to stay here. The house is massive. Too big for one person with its eight bedrooms, five bathrooms, and rooms I don’t even know what to call. I encouraged her to sell and downsize, but she was adamant that she wanted to grow old in the home she raised me in. I get my sentimental ways from my mother.
“I’m in the kitchen.”
“Fuck,” I say when I join her. “Why are you on your feet? You should be resting.”
She smacks me away when I attempt to move her to a chair. “I’m fine, Jack. I only called you because Lilliana insisted on it.”
I make a note to thank her neighbour for that.
“You said you were in some pain. Where?”
“I’m always in some pain, darling. This isn’t anything new.”
“Right, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to sit your ass down and I’m going to call your doctor. And before you put up a fight, you should know it’s a waste of breath. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Her lips flatten and she sends me a dirty look, but she does as she’s told and sits. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a bossy boy like you.”
“I’m hardly bossy. Have you met Ashton?” I pull out my phone and frown as I look at the five missed calls and a text from Jessica. Fuck, I put my phone on silent for the party and forgot to take it off.
Mum says something about Ashton, but I barely hear it because all I can hear is my heart fucking thumping in my ears as I read Jessica’s text.
Jessica: It’s Will. Jessica’s had an asthma attack. No puffer in her bag so I called the ambulance. We’re on our way to St Vincent’s. It’s not good, Jack.
I’ve experienced some bad attacks with Jessica, but she’s always had her inhaler with her. This is bad. This is fucking worse than bad.
My skin turns cold.
My mouth turns dry.
My pulse goes fucking haywire.
“Jack.” Mum’s voice sounds as alarmed as my mind. “What’s wrong? You’ve gone white.”
My head jerks up and I look at her. “Jessica’s at the hospital. She’s had an asthma attack.”
Mum’s hands flap in front of her. “Go!”
I have as much trouble figuring out my thoughts as I do taking a breath.
I want to get Mum to the doctor.
But I need to get to Jessica.
“Jack! You need to go,” Mum says, her eyes wide.
I swallow, trying like fuck to lubricate my throat. “Yeah.”
I’m out of the house and on my way to the hospital before my brain catches up. Axe took charge the minute he laid eyes on me, insisting on driving me. He weaves in and out of the traffic with the kind of skill I imagine the military taught him, pulling up outside the front door of the hospital with a screech.
“Go in. I’ll park the car and meet you inside. And whatever you do, Jack, avoid the fucking paps. I’ll be as fast as I can,” he says.
I exit the car and race inside, following the signs to the Emergency Department, doing my best not to run into anyone. I fail at that, shoving a few people without meaning to. I barely acknowledge them, though. The only thing I acknowledge is that I need to fucking get to Jessica.
Fuuuck.
It feels like it takes me three fucking days to locate the Emergency Department. When I arrive, I head straight for the reception counter, but Will steps into view, halting me. What halts me more is the expression on his face.
“Where is she?” I demand.
He looks how I feel. “They’re working on her.”
“Where?” I madly look around me. There are too many fucking people here, and too many doors and corridors and fucking signs that I can’t make sense of. When Will doesn’t answer me fast enough, I demand again, “Where is she?”
He places his hand on my arm. “Jack, come and sit down.”
I yank my arm away from him. “I don’t want to sit down. I want to see Jessica.”
“We can’t see her. We just have to wait.”
My heart pumps furiously. It feels like it’s fucking ricocheting in my chest. My face feels like it could explode any second. I need to fucking see Jessica. What I do not need to do is fucking wait.
I turn away from Will and stalk to the reception counter that is now free of people. “I need to see Jessica Calvary,” I tell the woman behind the counter who’s staring at me with recognition. When she doesn’t say anything, I roar, “Now! I need to fucking see her now!”