“I’ll get my shoes and drive you home,” Shane mutters.
With an expression of disgust, Kaya shakes her head and opens the door to her new red Porsche Cayenne. “Fucking the housekeeper, Shane? Really?”
She gets in and starts the engine. Then she floors it in reverse. We have to jump out of the way to avoid being covered in dirt.
Once the taillights fade, I let my shoulders drop and take a deep, painful breath. “Take me home.”
If this was a date, it sucked.
“Can you say something?”
I turn the volume up on the radio and he turns it off. He looks worried. Well, tough turds. I’m devastated. It’s musical chairs all over again and I’m the odd man out.
Things I learned today: I am much dumber that I estimated. I’m like… in the top percentile of dumb people. I keep making the same mistake over and over.
He taps the steering wheel with his thumbs. A nervous tick. Does anyone care? Not me.
“If I told her we were seeing each other, she’d never leave me alone. She doesn’t care about me, Blue. She’s only interested in accumulating people and things. It’s a game to her. Once she knows she has you, she loses interest.”
All that may be true, but it still doesn’t make me feel better. It doesn’t make me feel valued and important to him. I’m still a third-class citizen.
“Blue…” Reaching over, he tries to take my hand and I rip it away.
“Please don’t.” I fold my hands on my lap.
We drive the rest of the way home in silence, the tension filling every nook and cranny in the car. By the time he parks in front of the guesthouse, night has fallen. The lights are on in Aidan’s trailer and the farmhouse.
This is where I belong. This is where I feel safe. “Maybe it’s for the best. You’re leaving soon anyway and I belong here. Despite what you may have heard, love does not in fact conquer all.”
I push the car door open and jump out.
“Blue, stop. I’m sorry.”
I walk away and he gives chase––not that I want him to. Especially not where other people can hear us.
“Stop,” he says in a regular volume and grabs my bicep.
“Keep your voice down,” I hiss.
“Why? Because you don’t want anyone knowing we’re together?”
“Because I don’t want to be humiliated in font of everyone I know when you throw me over, that’s why!” I hiss back.
He shakes his head, mouth set in a grim line. Holding on, he drags me to the guesthouse. I don’t bother fighting. What’s the point? He’s so much stronger.
Once we’re inside, he locks the front door and walks away, combing his fingers through his hair. “Let me go, Shane. You’ve had your fun.” He turns to glare at me. “Fine, we’ve had our fun. But it’s over. I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what? What’s so bad about what’s going on between us? I’ve never felt better about a relationship in my life.”
Tears of frustration well up. He’s so clueless. So cavalier about us. “I can’t do it anymore, okay? I just can’t.”
“Why not? I know I really messed things up today, but let me make it up to you. Please, Blue. Give me another chance?”
Crossing the wood floor, he takes my face in his hands before I can stop him and the tears I was holding back gush out.
“Why are you crying, shirina? Tell me and I’ll fix it.” He kisses me gently, reverently even, and I completely lose it.
“Because I love you, you complete idiot. I love you and I don’t want to love you. Because I don’t get to keep you. And for once in my life I want someone to pick me. I want someone to be in my corner. I want someone to think I’m the most important person to them. Why can’t I have that? What’s wrong with me?”
He’s listening and he’s not letting me go. There’s compassion on his face and understanding. I know he understands me. So why can’t he say it?
Pulling me closer, he wraps his arms around me and holds me so close we’re touching everywhere.
“I am in your corner. I do pick you.” Exhaling a deep steady breath, he continues, “And you are the most important person to me even if I didn’t prove it to you today. I don’t want to deal with her anymore and I chose my comfort over your feelings and I’m sorry. Give me another chance.”
He kisses me softly, closed lips brushing back and forth. “Morning, noon, and night. I choose you.”
Chapter 19
“Gosh, that is some terrible dancing.” It looks painful. “Ease up, Hughes. You’re gonna dislocate a shoulder if you continue like that. Then you won’t be able to do the new Scorsese flick.”
He turns up the music on his speakerphone. Levitating by Dua Lipa and Da Baby. Hazel brays and the mini horses start racing around the paddock. It’s pure mayhem and I love it. Shane is in L.A. meeting with his agent today and Aidan and I are fixing more of the fence before my free labor leaves for good.
“You think this is bad?” Aidan says, jerking around. He honestly has no idea how truly bad he is. Bless his heart.
He drops the hammer. Good thing, I was afraid he’d hit himself for a minute.
“I don’t think, I know it is. That is hands down the worst dancing I’ve ever witnessed, thank God.”
He stops moving, expression stumped. “Did you just thank God that I’m a bad dancer?”
“Yes, you do everything else perfectly. No man should ever do everything perfectly. That would be boring. And who would trust you?”
His expression changes to one of subtle satisfaction. “You think I do everything perfectly?”
“I’m not trying to compliment you. It’s empirically true.” He stalks towards me with a sly grin and I take a step back. “What are you doing?”
He pounces and I scream. Picking me up, he twirls me around and around. Then we start dancing. I scream and laugh. The ponies take another gallop around the paddock. It’s pure mayhem.
“Stop. You’re gonna break my arm.” Aidan kisses me on the cheek and blows a raspberry. I scream again and laugh. “Put me down you beast.”
He does as he’s told. Both of us grinning, we pause to catch our breath. “I’m gonna miss you, Tweetie,” he tells me, smile fading. The sentiment is real and heartfelt. I can see it on his face. “Will you come visit me in L.A.?”
He looks so hopeful, I don’t want to ruin the moment. But I won’t lie to spare his feelings. Too many people in his life already do that.
“You know I won’t, Aid. That’s your world, and I don’t want any part of it. But promise me that if you lose your way again, you’ll come back and see us… or even just to say hi and help me fix something.”
He takes me in for a moment, then exhales and runs both hands through his hair. “You’re in love with him?”
“You know?”
“That you two have been humpin’ for the last two weeks? Yeah, everyone knows.”
I’m sure Shane will be thrilled to hear we’ve been hiding it for no reason. I don’t think twice. What’s the point in denying it anyway? “I love him.”