“Leni?” Abby urged.
“I like it,” Leni said. “But what really matters is how you feel in it. Do you want to feel like a princess?”
“I don’t know!” Abby exclaimed. “I find something to love about each of the dresses.”
“Well, at the end of the night, your prince is going to rip off whichever one you choose anyway. I say go with something that’s easy to get out of,” Deirdra said.
“Do they make tearaway dresses like they make stripper pants?” Cait teased.
The girls laughed.
“I cannot wait for our wedding night!” Abby shimmied. “We have amazing sex all the time, and I know that night is going to blow all the others away.”
Sex was another thing Cait wished she could talk to the girls about, but girl talk was as foreign to her as saying I love you.
“I saved my favorite dress for last. I’ll be right back.” Abby gathered the train in her arms and stepped off the platform. “I appreciate your honesty, Dee. The last thing I need is to get my wedding photos back and think my butt looks big.”
“Exactly.” Deirdra flashed a victorious smirk.
“Off I go,” Abby said in a singsong voice as she disappeared into the dressing room again.
A few minutes later, Abby returned in the most gorgeous gown Cait had ever seen. They rushed to her side as she stepped onto the platform, gushing about the A-line gown with beaded and scalloped three-quarter-length sleeves, an illusion bateau neckline over a plunging sweetheart lace bodice, and a full gathered skirt with matching scalloped lace hemline and chapel train.
“Oh, Abby,” Cait gushed, damp-eyed again. “You look elegant.”
“This is the best one yet,” Deirdra said. “This dress has your spirit and Aiden’s newspaper-reading class.”
Abby laughed, tears welling.
“You’re gorgeous, Abby,” Leni said. “This is a real statement dress. It says This is it. Our love is the real thing.”
Even Abby’s dress could say that. Cait tried to swallow her distress. She was thrilled for Abby and Aiden, but she was also a little jealous. She had everything she never dreamed she’d ever have right in front of her, and she couldn’t grab hold of it the way Abby had.
“This is it,” Abby agreed. “This is the one!”
They all hugged her, gushing over her and the dress.
“I can’t wait to see Aiden’s face when he’s watching you walk down the aisle,” Leni said.
Cait imagined herself in a wedding gown walking down the aisle to Brant, and a pang of longing sliced through her. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t even commit to stepping outside of her safety net at the Cape, much less say she loved him. Would she ever be free of her fears, or was Brant stuck with a broken woman forever? She stepped away to get more tissues.
“Here go the waterworks again.” Deirdra put her arm around Cait and said, “I bet we are going to be searching for your wedding dress next.”
Her sisters’ and Leni’s hopeful eyes uncapped the tears she’d been holding back, and they flooded out. “I’m sorry.” She ran into the dressing area to avoid making a scene.
“Cait!” Abby called after her as she ducked behind a curtain into a dressing room.
Her sisters and Leni burst through the curtain. Cait turned away from them, but her sisters flanked her, putting their arms around her, which only made her cry harder.
Leni stepped in front of her, holding out a box of tissues. “Here, honey.”
“What’s wrong?” Abby asked.
Cait grabbed tissues and shook her head, her throat thickening. “I’m sorry. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Deirdra said. “Did you and Brant have a fight?”
Cait shook her head. “He told me he loves me—” Sobs stole her voice, and she buried her face in her hands.
Abby pulled her into her arms. “So these are happy tears?”
Cait shook her head again.
“I’m confused. You don’t love him?” Deirdra asked. “Because that’s okay. You don’t have to love someone just because they love you.”
Cait pushed out of Abby’s arms. “I do, but I’ll never be what he deserves.”
“What are you talking about? You’re amazing,” Leni said.
“I’m not, Leni. I’m not like you guys. Love doesn’t come easy for me like it does for all of you.”
Deirdra and Leni exchanged confused glances.
“Love came easily for Abby,” Deirdra said. “We’re happy for her, and for you and Brant, but Leni and I are anti love for ourselves.”
“She’s right,” Leni said. “I’m not on the marriage train.”
“That’s not exactly what I mean,” Cait said, trying to explain as she wiped her eyes. “Knowing you’re loved and that you matter affects everything we do. Abby trusted her instincts and followed her heart with Aiden, and all three of you say you love your friends all the time. I’m so broken, I can’t even say it back to my sisters.” She swiped at her tears. “But I feel it, and I’ve felt it all along.”
“We know you love us,” Abby said.
“I’m glad, but it’s not the same as saying it.” Cait grabbed more tissues. “I didn’t grow up hearing those words and trusting in them like you guys did. Ava might have been awful after Olivier died, but you knew she and Olivier loved you. And, Leni, you have Shelley and Steve, who overflow with love for everyone around them, and you all have each other and the Silvers and the Bra Brigaders. You know what love looks and feels like. You know you can trust it.”
“No one told you they loved you when you were young?” Leni asked with as much compassion as disbelief.
Cait shook her head. “My mom died when I was four, and my father was awful. He pretty much said I was unlovable.”
“That bastard.” Leni put her arms around Cait and said, “I love you, and if you want, I’ll sic my brothers on your father so he realizes how unlovable he is.”
A knot lodged in Cait’s throat. “Thanks, but I know I’m worthy of love. Therapy helped with that. It’s just not easy for me. I ran away when I was sixteen, and I didn’t even have real friends until I met Tank a few years ago. It took me months to believe him and his family when they said they loved me, and they’re warm and wonderful like you guys.”
“But I hope you know you can believe us,” Abby insisted. “We do love you.”
“And after seeing you and Brant together, it’s pretty obvious that he loves you, too,” Deirdra added.
“I know. I feel loved by all of you.” Cait leaned against the wall, breathing deeply. “I know I sound crazy. It’s not just saying the words. It’s about doing what Abby did—grabbing hold of what I want and going after it without having a panic attack.” She hated that she was worrying them. Her father had ruined so much of her life, and now she was ruining Abby’s big day. “I’m sorry. I think hearing Brant say he loves me, and all of this wedding stuff, just got to me.” She pushed from the wall, once again stuffing the overwhelming feelings down deep, and put on a brave face. “I’m fine, really. I’m sorry for getting all worked up over nothing.”