“A guy telling you he loves you isn’t nothing,” Deirdra said. “If a guy said that to me, I’d probably run for the hills.”
Cait was glad for the levity. “That’s the thing, Dee. I don’t want to run from Brant. I want to run toward him.”
“Now you sound like Faye, which tells me that you’re one step closer to finding a way to do just that.” Abby hugged her. “You can always talk to us. That’s what sisters and friends are for.”
“Abby is right, Cait. We’ll always make time for you,” Deirdra agreed.
“So will I,” Leni added. “And I just want to add that you know my mom loved Ava, and she loves you, too, Cait. Those aren’t empty words. I know she’s not your mother, but she’s really good at listening and giving advice. If you ever want to talk with her, I’m sure she’d love to help.”
There it was again, the unconditional love she craved. “Thanks, Leni. I appreciate that, but I think I’ve done enough talking. Abby’s salesgirl is probably out there wondering why we’re all holed up in here.”
“Let her wonder. With the price of these dresses, they should be serving us caviar.” Deirdra draped an arm around Cait, the other around Abby, and said, “I say we take care of Abby’s dress and then go for dinner and drinks before Leni and I drag our butts into an Uber and go back to the airport.”
“That sounds really good to me,” Cait said. “Abby?”
“Dinner and drinks with all three of my besties?” Abby put her arm around Leni, linking the four of them together, and said, “Now, that sounds like a perfect plan.”
Thankfully, Cait was able to pull herself together, and they had a great time at dinner. After Deirdra and Leni left for the airport, Cait waited with Abby for the nine o’clock ferry, wishing she was going back to see Brant instead of staying on the Cape. He’d texted her a picture of him and Scrappy earlier and had said Scrappy was spending the evening with Randi while he went out for dinner and to play pool with Aiden and some of their friends.
Abby hugged her goodbye. “Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”
“No. I’m okay. I’m so used to holding everything in, I think the reason I cracked in the bridal shop was that some part of me knows I don’t have to hold it anymore. It was cathartic, but I’m sorry I ruined your afternoon.”
“Don’t be silly.” Abby hugged her again. “I found a great dress, and I got the entire day and evening with three of my favorite people. Call me tonight if you want to talk, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Abby.”
Cait waved as Abby boarded the ferry, then headed up to the parking lot. When she climbed into her car, another text from Brant rolled in. Hope you’re having fun. I lost ten bucks playing pool. Going in for another round. Wish you were here. Love you.
She stared at the message, her pulse quickening as she thought about texting I love you, too. But that would be a coward’s way out. Brant deserved to hear it from her, and didn’t she deserve to say it to him? She sat back and looked at the picture of him and Scrappy. “I love you.” That wasn’t so hard. “I love you, Brant.” Her heart beat faster. She clicked on his name, and her thumb hovered over the call button.
Her nerves caught fire. It wasn’t like he was going to suddenly turn into a monster if she said she loved him. But saying those words was giving a promise, wasn’t it? A promise to give her all to their relationship? She wanted that, too, but what if he wanted a life together on the island full-time, and she couldn’t pull her shit together enough to leave her life on the Cape behind? Was she shackling him to her past, too? Was that fair?
She typed, I miss you, too. Have fun, adding a kissing emoji, which was so freaking lame, she pissed herself off. She put away her phone and headed home, but she knew she’d just overthink every little thing and stress over the thoughts in her head, so she took a detour and went to see the one person who would listen to her worries and give her straight answers.
As she drove down the wooded lane toward Tank’s house, she realized it was late, and his girls were probably sleeping. She parked behind his motorcycle and texted him. Do you have a minute to talk?
His response came instantly. Look up.
She did, and she saw him walking toward her car. She swore the man had ESP. He watched her intently as she stepped out and closed the door. “Sorry to come by so late.”
He towered over her in his black T-shirt and jeans. “Not a problem. You okay?”
“If I were, would I be bothering you?”
“Three years ago, maybe.” He cracked a grin and put an arm around her. “Let’s sit on the porch.” As they headed up the walkway, he said, “Leah and the girls made pie. Want a piece?”
“No thanks. I went bridal gown shopping with my sisters and Leni and we had dinner together.”
They sat on the porch steps, and he rested his elbows on his knees, holding one hand in the other. “Then this is a sister issue?”
“It’s a me issue. Brant told me he loves me.”
Tank nodded. “I’m not surprised. We all saw it coming. He looks at you like I look at Leah. How do you feel about him?”
“I’m crazy about him. He’s everything, Tank. He’s trustworthy and honest, patient and funny. He’s smart and loving, and he accepts me and all of my crappy baggage.”
“But . . . ?”
She sighed. “But I’m stuck. He’s opened my mind and my heart more than I ever thought possible, and with him, I dream about a future I’m not sure I can ever have. It’s like I’ve got this whole life on the island just waiting for me—Brant, my sisters, the mural, and maybe even my own tattoo shop—but when I think about packing my things and moving away from here, I panic. Why am I afraid to go for it? I know you and your family will always be here for me, so it’s not that.”
“If I tell you what I think, you’re not going to like it.”
“I figured as much. That’s why I’m here. I need answers, Tank.”
He nodded, his face solemn, serious eyes holding hers. “You can’t grab hold of your future because you’re still treading through the quicksand of your past. You never got closure, and without closure, your past is always hovering, sucking you in and holding you back. You know I had to face my past to be with Leah and the girls. If I hadn’t done it, I’d have missed out on this incredible new life I have.”
“You sound like Brant. He tried to convince me to go to the police or something, which we both know wouldn’t do anything at this point but bring a hailstorm of crap down on me. I went to therapy for two years. I told Brant, my sisters, and Gia about my past. I even use my real last name. What else can I do to get closure?”
“I’m not sure I have the answer to that, but I think you need to find a way. Maybe you should do what the therapist suggested and write your father a letter to get all that shit you should have said to him years ago out of your head, and more importantly, get it out of your heart. Even if you don’t send it, it might get the poison out of you.”
“I forgot she suggested that.” She thought about Ava’s letter and felt guilty for not having read it yet. “Maybe I will.”