“Babe . . . ?”
“I’m sorry. I just . . . I need to get off the phone. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
The line went dead.
He stared at the phone, wanting to call her back, or even better, to get Tessa to fly him to the Cape tonight. But Cait was strong, smart, and capable, and he knew her well enough to realize that she knew what she needed, even if not being there with her cut him to his core.
Cait put her phone in the charger on the table and paced, anger and grief pounding inside her. She looked around at her tidy cottage as she wore a path between the living room and kitchen. Everything was in its rightful place, the pictures perfectly aligned, throw pillows set just so. She didn’t do that meticulous shit at Brant’s cottage.
Her breathing came faster, anger burning in her chest. How had she ever been able to breathe in here, when her father’s evilness was still defining where she put her things? She couldn’t take it anymore! Anger roared out in a wail as she threw her arm across the table, sending her backpack, sketchbooks, and phone flying across the room. Bursting with years of pent-up rage, she ripped the cushions and pillows from the couch, the books from the shelves, and the pictures from the walls. She saw her father’s face scolding her and gritted her teeth as she kicked over the coffee table and picked up the end table, hurling it across the room. She heard his voice ridiculing her, and panic stole the air from her lungs. Her body trembled and shook, her chest heaving with every painful inhalation.
She fought back with everything she had, needing to rid herself of him once and for all.
“I fucking hate you!” she seethed as she stormed into the bedroom, cursing and thrashing as she destroyed every shred of organization, from drawers to closet to bed, breaking those imaginary strings that had bound her for far too many years. She attacked the bathroom next, seeing the lunacy in her actions and feeling saner than ever.
Fury consumed her as she stomped into the kitchen, and angry tears streaked her cheeks as she cleared everything from the counter with one hard sweep of her arm. The toaster and bread box thudded to the floor. Take that, you fucker. Hands fisted, she looked for something else to ruin, her gaze moving over the ransacked cottage. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of the letter from Ava among the spilled contents of her backpack. She made her way across the room, stepping on everything and not caring, and picked it up, her heart aching at the sight of Ava’s handwriting. Her knees gave out, and she crumpled to the floor, trying to catch her breath. With shaky hands, she opened the envelope and withdrew the contents: a handwritten letter and a page from one of Ava’s sketchbooks. She unfolded it, taking in the sketch of Ava, her skin aged with wrinkles. She was crouched on a cloud, her fingers curling over its edge as she peered down at the Bistro and Sunset Beach, where she’d drawn Abby, Deirdra, and Cait—with long sandy hair and no tattoos, as she’d looked in the pictures Karen, Cait’s adoptive mother, had sent when Cait was little.
She pressed the drawing to her chest, tears sliding down her cheeks as she looked up toward the ceiling, imagining her mother smiling down on her despite the fit she’d thrown and the chaos around her. Thank you for bringing me to them.
She unfolded the letter with trembling hands, and something fell out. She looked down, and there on her leg was a silver and blue mermaid-tail necklace just like her adoptive mother’s. Cait sat in stunned silence. It took a minute for her to get up the courage to pick it up and another minute before she could turn it over and look at the back.
Karen was engraved in cursive.
Confusion and shock sent the room spinning. Cait clutched the necklace in her fist and tried to focus on the letter.
My special girl,
How does a mother say hello and goodbye to her daughter at the same time? I did that once on the day you were born, and it nearly killed me to let you go. You taught me what love was. I had never loved anyone or anything the way I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Cait inhaled a ragged breath, swiping at her tears.
I’m sure Shelley has filled you in on my controlling parents who made me give you up, and she’s told you how I drank myself into oblivion to numb the pain of losing you. When I came to Silver Island, Olivier saved me from myself. He gave me the unconditional love I’d never had and helped me track you down. I needed to know that you were safe, and when the private investigator gave us pictures of you and your new family, as badly as I wanted to go fight for you, I knew I should leave well enough alone. But I couldn’t bear the thought that your new mother might think I didn’t want you. I had to reach out to Karen and let her know how much I loved you.
She was a godsend, and she adored you. She sent me pictures and letters every month. The mermaid-tail necklace I’ve included in the envelope was hers. She sent it to me in her last letter and asked that I find a way to get it to you once you were all grown up. She said her parents gave it to her the day you were adopted and that you’d always loved to play with it when she told you bedtime stories. I didn’t understand why she’d sent it to me at first. But then the letters stopped coming, and I found out that she’d passed away. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Karen loved you to the ends of the earth. I struggled when I learned that she’d died. Olivier and I talked about trying to fight for you, but you’d lost your mother, and I didn’t want to cause you the pain of being taken from your father, too.
The air rushed from Cait’s lungs. She could have been with Ava and her sisters for all those years? She closed her eyes, trying to tamp down the anguish eating away at her. But there was no taking the edge off all that she’d lost, that her father had stolen from her.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t reach out after you were an adult, but I’d lost Olivier when the girls were little, and it destroyed me. I was a mess again. I went back to drinking, and this time there was no one to save me. You didn’t need that in your life. I thank God for Olivier and all he did for me, but I needed him too much. I’m not proud of my weaknesses, and I hope you can find a way to forgive me for them. I also hope that you are stronger than I ever was.
Unfortunately, life burns everyone at some point. When that happens, be strong. Don’t be afraid to step into the fire and burn right back. You might go numb with fear or pain, but you’ll come out stronger for having stood up for yourself. I wish I had found a way to do that when my parents made me give you up and again after I lost Olivier. When you run and hide from your fears, like I did by drinking, every step leads to new burns, until you have so many, you never fully heal. That’s an awful way to live.
Learn from my mistakes, Caity. Be strong, chase your dreams, and know that from the moment you were conceived, you were wholly and truly loved.
Always your mother, Ava
Her use of Caity brought another onslaught of tears.
Cait looked down at the necklace in her hand, unable to believe it had been with Ava for all those years. As she put it on, her father’s voice trampled through her mind. I gave away all of her possessions. She wouldn’t have wanted you to have it.
He’d lied to her just to make her feel like shit. Her anger returned with a vengeance. She touched the cool silver necklace, feeling like both of her mothers were with her, empowering her to finally break free of her past. She grabbed a pad that had fallen out of her backpack, dug a pen out from under the mess on the floor, and sat with her back against the couch, writing a letter to the bastard who had raised her.