***
We arrived at the beach in record time. I drove to the end of the boardwalk and parked on a side street. "Have you ever been here before?" I asked.
"I used to come here every summer when I was growing up." She grabbed her stuff and stepped out of the car.
"All the more special then." I climbed out of the car and grabbed the towel and cooler that Ellen had packed for me. My hand immediately slid into Penny’s as we walked toward the boardwalk.
"What about you?" she asked.
"I've come down here a few times."
"So this is where you take all the ladies to impress them?"
I laughed. "No, I've only ever been here by myself."
"You're kind of a loner, aren't you?"
"I guess you could say that I have a hard time trusting people." That’s what Dr. Clark said. But I hadn’t always been that way.
"Why?" she asked.
I squeezed her hand. But I didn’t know how to answer her question. Today was supposed to be her ideal date. Talking about my past was not the fun afternoon I had planned. My phone started buzzing in my pocket as we reached the boards. Son of a bitch, what now? I dropped Penny’s hand and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
Even though her number wasn’t saved to my phone, I recognized it. Isabella. It was the only call I’d like less than one from my brother in prison. Fucking hell. Not here. Not in front of Penny. I was trying to protect her from this. That was why I’d driven to New York a couple weeks ago, to try to finalize this damn thing. Isabella had already taken enough from me. I wouldn’t allow her to ruin what Penny and I had.
"I'm sorry, I have to take this,” I said. I walked a few paces away from Penny, hoping she wouldn’t be able to hear me, and answered the phone. "This isn't a good time,” I said instead of a proper hello.
“It’s nice to hear from you too, James.” Her voice was laced with honey. But not the real kind. Some cheap high fructose bullshit. “I thought maybe we could meet up to discuss some of these specifics,” she said. “It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you.”
That was kind of the point. "I don't even know why we're still talking about this." It had almost been a year since we were together. And when we had been together…she’d spent most of the time fucking some other guy behind my back. How long was she going to keep up this act? We both knew we’d never loved each other. We’d both been living a lie. We’d both been stuck in hell together. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Penny was still far away.
“We’re still talking about this because you won’t sit down and have a real conversation with me,” she said. “I miss you. I think you should come back to New York and stop fooling around in whatever little town you’re in. I know we both made mistakes. And I’m sorry, I’ve told you that countless times. But honestly…the ones I made? Not quite the same as yours, darling. And I always forgave you. Always. That’s what love is.”
It felt like the hair rose on the back of my neck when she called me darling. And when she mentioned love? I wanted to laugh. Fake. Insincere. Manipulative. No, I didn’t want to laugh. None of this was funny. I felt sick to my stomach.
Before I could respond, she started talking again. “Come back to New York this weekend so we can talk in person. I’ll make reservations at Per Se. You owe me at least that, James.”
Making reservations at her favorite restaurant was the kind of behavior that made her motivations clear. She just wanted to be seen out in public with me to snuff the rumors. Even Ian knew that my favorite restaurant in the city was Totonno’s. But Isabella wouldn’t be caught dead in a mom-and-pop pizzeria on the other end of Manhattan even if she knew it was my favorite. Because she didn’t care about me. She only cared about herself. And I didn’t owe her a thing. We’d tortured each other enough. I took a deep breath. Maybe Dr. Clark was right. Maybe I had made progress. Maybe I did deserve something good for once in my life. And Isabella was anything but good. "I told you I didn't care about any of the specifics. Just sign the damn papers." I ended the call and put the phone back in my pocket. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Just hearing Isabella’s voice made me feel like I was trapped again. Breathe.
But I wasn’t alone anymore. And Isabella was my past. I’d made a lot of mistakes, but being with her was the worst of them all. I was pretty sure it was a mutual feeling, so I had no idea why she was pretending that she was still in love with me. Especially because she never had been in the first place. She was a fucking con artist.
Breathe. I wasn’t going to let her ruin the afternoon I had planned. I plastered a smile on my face as I walked back over to Penny. "Sorry about that."
"Is everything okay?"
"Just a business call,” I lied. I grabbed her hand again and we took the few steps down to the beach. Her hand felt warm in mine. And there was something so comforting about it. Like she was holding me here in the present. Grounding me.
"Something with your tech company?"
"Well, it's not mine anymore. But yes." I looked out at the ocean. I thought it would be strange being here with someone else since I usually came here to clear my head. But I felt as comforted by the sounds of the waves as always. Penny had this way of making my mind stop reeling.
We walked toward the water. There wasn't anyone on the beach down here this time of year except for the occasional passerby.
"Professor Hunter? You didn't answer my other question."
I ran my hand through my hair. "I'm sorry, what was your question again?"
"Why do you have a hard time trusting people?"
I took a deep breath, my mind returning to my phone call with Isabella. "People have a tendency to wear many different masks. I've been bad at seeing people for who they really are until it's too late." I don’t want to talk about this. I put my towel on top of the sand and sat down, pulling her on top of me. I needed her body against mine. I needed her to make me forget.
"I barely know anything about you," she said breathlessly.
"You know that I like you and that you like me.” I stared into her blue eyes. “What else does anything matter?" I wanted her to believe that as much as I did. Nothing else mattered but this moment.
I lightly tugged her hair so that our faces were only an inch apart. She immediately leaned down and kissed me. I thought it was easy to breathe when I was around her. But when we were kissing? I was pretty sure I could live off her exhales. And every time we kissed I felt myself slipping even more. I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to come back from this. And all I could think about was how much I could take.
I rolled over so that she was beneath me. We were all alone on the beach. If I wanted, I could have her right here. And the way her hips moved beneath me made her desire evident. But she wanted romance on her perfect date. I reluctantly gave her one last kiss and then sat up, pulling her into a seated position next to me.
"So I couldn't bring the real thing, but..." I opened the cooler and brought out two bottles of piña colada cocktails. They looked disgusting, but I was sure Ellen had tried her hardest to find something good. "I guess these are the next best thing." I popped off the caps and handed her one of the bottles.