“No. He’s not.”
“What about a raging narcissistic liar who happens to be married? He has a kid, right?”
Bile threatens to rise in my throat, thinking about Paul. I had no idea he was married until his wife poured my drink on me at the restaurant where I thought we were spending our six-month anniversary. “He’s not married. I don’t know how Hailey came into the picture, but he’s gay.”
My best friend raises a questionable eyebrow in my direction. “Is he?”
“I mean, his dick was in my ass last week. I think so.”
He chuckles, unbothered by the details. We tell each other way too much. I know about every conquest of his, whether I want to or not. And Gavin has quite a few men on that list. He waves me off. “Oh, please. What about Jay? He was trying like hell to convince the world he was straight the entire time he was getting naked with you on the side.”
Again. This trip down memory lane is not my favorite. “I remember. Rafe isn’t like that. He’s gay. And he has zero issue with that fact.”
He shrugs. “Okay, so then why are you breaking the rules for him if he isn’t a train wreck?”
“You know I swore off train-wreck men.”
He eyes me knowingly. “I do, but I also know you. You’re a helper. A fixer. You aren’t interested in dating uncomplicated men.” He shrugs his large shoulders again. “Actually, I guess him being the parent of one of your students makes him pretty complicated.”
I hate that he’s right about that. Is that why I’m so damn attracted to Rafe? Am I that messed up? “It is. Which is why it was a fuck up I’m not going to make again.”
He nibbles on his fry. “Was he bad in bed?”
“God, no,” I answer too quickly, making him smirk. I sigh, “He was perfect. I’ve never felt anything even close to that.”
He looks at me with surprise, studying me closely. “So then, why don’t you want to do it again?”
I gawk at him. “I told you why.”
“Would they actually fire you for that?”
I shrug and take a bite of my food, chewing it as I think over his question. “I don’t know, but I know they won’t like it. And it’s not professional.”
“But it was good?”
I laugh. “You have a one-track mind.”
“Look, if he’s not psychotic, doesn’t have a drug problem, and isn’t married . . . I say go for it.”
“That’s terrible advice.”
He laughs again as we both finish up our meals. He seems pensive, and I never know what’s going to come out of his mouth, so I brace myself when it’s clear he isn’t finished talking. “What’s the harm? You’ve been daydreaming about this guy throughout our entire dinner and ignoring me. And I’m delightful.”
I place my fork on my plate and lean back slightly in my chair. “That you are.”
He signals for the check and then eyes me again. “So what if he’s a parent of your student? He’s not your student.”
“Gross.”
“Exactly,” he laughs and finishes off his beer. “So why not?”
“I don’t even really know him. I know he’s a great dad. He works as much as he can while still being there for his daughter. But that’s it. I never even had the official talk with him.”
His eyebrow lifts, and he looks slightly horrified. “What kind of talk?”
I laugh, “Relax, Mr. Commitment-phobe. The talk of, you know, what he’s looking for.”
“As in top or bottom?”
I snort a laugh as we pay the check, having learned a long time ago to just split it instead of fighting over who pays, and walk outside into the cool night air. “No. Whether he wants a serious relationship or if it’s just sex.”
“Ah . . .” He’s overly dramatic. “So you’d like to go ahead and chase him right away.”
I’m serious now, no more joking in my tone as I face Gavin out on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. “No more messing around. No more casual sex. I mean it. I want something real. I want what my parents have.”
A small smile comes over his handsome face as he places a hand on my shoulder. “I know you do. But maybe . . . I don’t know, don’t make him agree to marriage and babies just yet. Have a little fun first. Get to know him.”
I look away, uncertain about that plan. “That could blow up in my face, and you know it. Casual sex isn’t a good idea when I want something serious.”
“Neither is saying you want something serious with a guy you just met.” I huff at him, but he has more to say. “Look, with Darin, that’s exactly what you did, right? You told him you wanted something really serious, and he said the same thing. And then a few months later, you were bored out of your mind.”
He’s not wrong. “But I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“I get it. I do.” I eye him suspiciously because as long as I’ve known him, any type of commitment has scared the hell out of him. “I mean, not the marriage and shit thing, but I know you have a goal. I know that’s what you want. And I support it. But maybe meet in the middle. Don’t blurt out a marriage proposal, but also don’t just let him use your body. Make him work for it. Get to know each other. And have hot sex.”
When he says it like that, how could it be wrong?
“Maybe.”
He laughs, “Okay, well you have my number. Use it. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay, thanks.”
We part ways, and I drive home, thinking about Rafe the rest of the night. I eye his number on my phone with a blank message pulled up.
But I don’t send it.
I know Gavin is right, and it will scare him if I go into my newfound rules and how I want them to lead to a long-term relationship. That I should play it cool with him. Get to know him.
But when it comes to Rafe, I don’t seem to have any chill.
* * *
“Mr. Burke, that’s not how you play!” I chuckle as Hailey tries to school her teacher in how to play with Barbies, but he handles her remarkably well.
“Well, why not, Hailey?”
“Because . . . she is a pretty princess. She’s not going to fix that car.”
We share a look—Nolan obviously amused by my daughter—before he turns his attention back to her. “Princesses can definitely change a tire. They can do anything they want.”
Hailey huffs, blowing the bouncing curls that are all over the place in the air with her annoyance. “No. She has a person for that.”
“What are you teaching her?” Nolan looks up at me from his spot on the floor next to Hailey with an amused look on his handsome face.
I raise my hands in surrender. “She teaches me most of the time. And the kid is stubborn. If she wants to own the world and have people for everything, who am I to tell her that’s not the right goal?”
Nolan shakes his head, but he’s grinning as he grabs the princess Barbie once again. “Alright, the princess needs to call someone. But changing a tire is super easy. I bet her dad could teach her.”
Hailey leans in, putting a little finger up to her lips, keeping her voice in a whisper, but it’s loud. “Daddy tries to teach me that stuff, but it’s boring.”