“What do you mean? We were going on the Ferris wheel.”
“No, I mean what are we doing together?”
“Is that what this is about?”
“Yes. No. Maybe?” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and now you bring me here where our entire school is in attendance and everyone is looking at us.”
“So let them stare. Who cares?”
“I do! I’m falling in love with you.”
His eyes widened. “You’re what?”
“Oh fuck. I can’t believe I just said that. I didn’t mean it.”
I wasn’t sure which was worse, his expression from before or the one he was giving me right then.
He frowned. “You didn’t mean it?”
“No. I mean yes. I mean … I don’t know.”
“Kins, you’re talking in circles, and it’s hard to keep up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just this place, all these people, you, and now the Ferris wheel… I’m just overwhelmed.”
“Over a ride?”
“It’s not just a ride to me.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t—”
He grabbed my hand and led us over to a secluded area where there was no one around. Only us. Still holding onto my hand, he pulled me to the ground.
“Sweetness, talk to me. What’s going on?”
I could see the Ferris wheel from where we were sitting, and all I could envision was the last time I was on one. There was no use hiding it from him. I’d already made a fool of myself.
“It was my tenth birthday, and my mom brought me to a fair that was in Columbus. I was so excited. She never acknowledged my birthday. I’ve never even had a birthday cake or been sang a song. I fucking hate my birthday. She found a way to ruin each one.”
“Oh, baby…”
I might have been with Christian, but my mind was back to that night with her.
“All I wanted was to go on the Ferris wheel, and we waited for hours in line until it was finally our turn. My mom was drunk, she was always fucking drunk. Kids from school were there, and they saw the mess that she was. By the time we got on the ride, she was so wasted that she passed out, and I couldn’t get her up. I tried the entire time we were on it, but there was no getting her to open her eyes.” I paused, trying to shake away the look on the parents’ faces when they saw her, knowing they felt bad for me.
I hated that more than anything. Their sympathy was another knife to my heart. I just wanted to enjoy my birthday. One celebration she didn’t ruin. One memory I could look back on with her and feel like she was there for me. Even if it was just this one time, I had something.
Anything.
“They had to call the ambulance to come get her and pump her stomach. I spent the rest of my birthday in the ER waiting room, crying that she’d ruined yet another day for me. When I went back to school everyone was talking about it. I couldn’t get away from it. Child services were called, and they showed up at our house again. It was awful. Everything with her was always so fucking awful.”
Tears rimmed my eyes, and I was beyond exhausted from crying over her. Christian’s gaze told me everything I didn’t want to see.
“Please don’t feel bad for me. Your pity is the last thing I want. You had this awesome day planned, and now I’m ruining it with my bullshit. Ugh! I’m sorry I’m so broken.”
He didn’t say one word. He simply grabbed my hand again and lifted me up with him. My heart was beating a mile a minute as he walked us back to the ride, nodding to the attendant to let us by. He’d recognized we were just in line and let us through.
Christian found the first empty seat, and I sat with him before he pulled down the bar. It was one of those seats where you couldn’t see anything but our heads, and our bodies were covered by the steel metal in front of us.
The longer he didn’t say anything, the more nervous I became.
Was he mad? Upset? Did I ruin this too?
Question after question assaulted my mind until the ride started, and around we went. Once we were up top in the air, Christian turned to me. Sweeping a piece of my hair behind my ear, he gazed deep into my eyes. I could tell he was lost in his own thoughts, and I never wanted to know what he was thinking more than I did at that moment.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t have to wait long until he kissed my lips, trying to calm me down. His mouth felt different this time. It was soft, tender, caring. I didn’t know how long we kissed. All I knew was that my reckless thoughts were fading into the background, and I was consumed in the way he was able to bring me peace.
He pecked my lips one last time before he asked against my lips, “Do you trust me?”
I nodded, unable to form words.
His other hand went in between my legs, asking again, “Still trust me?”
I nodded again.
“Words, Kinley. I need to hear you say it.”
“Yes,” I breathed out, hanging on by a thread.
I was wearing a dress, and all he did was place his fingers on top of my silk panties. I swallowed hard when I felt him begin rubbing me there. I trembled, and my mouth became dry as I closed my eyes.
“Eyes stay on me, sweetness. I’m going to replace the bad and make you feel so fucking good.”
I opened them, and his fingers moved slowly at first. With each elevated breath that escaped from my lips, he moved them faster and more precisely, working me into a frenzy of lust and emotions.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he groaned. “Let me take care of you.”
“Christian,” I rasped, feeling his demanding hand until all I could feel was this urgent rush of release.
I’d never felt anything like it before. It was magical and had me seeing stars. He kissed my lips, stifling my moans into his mouth as I came fast and hard. I would never forget the words that came out of his mouth next. They would stay with me forever.
It was the first time he professed, “I’m falling in love with you too, Kinley. I’ll always replace your bad memories with my love for you.”
Chapter 9
Kinley
Now
“I can’t believe you flew in for me, Jax.”
He was sitting at my kitchen island while I made him some coffee.
“Of course I flew in for you. You were bawling your eyes out on the phone last night. Where else would I be?”
He wasn’t exaggerating. It’d been two days since I’d last saw Christian, and I was a mess. Unable to forget that he’d ripped apart the pictures from a night I held so dearly in my heart.
Shaking my head, I replied, “I don’t know how we got here. It’s like we’ve become these two different people I don’t recognize anymore, and all I want is for it to end.”
“You sign the papers in what? Three days?”
“We’re not officially divorced until we go before the judge, and our lawyers can’t schedule that until we sign the papers. It’s not about our divorce, though, Jax. It’s who we’ve become in these last few years. You’ve been there since the very beginning of our relationship. You’ve seen our love. He used to make me smile and laugh. Everything about us used to be so easy. We just worked well together. I don’t understand where things took a turn for us.”