I laugh, shaking my head. “Right. Keep telling yourself that.”
My dodge isn’t exactly a lie. But it’s definitely not the truth either. I missed him more than I’d like to admit.
At least when he travels for games, we talk and check in a few times a day. Something I’ve gotten used to. Spoiled on. But this time, he was the one home with Otto. No need to check in or hang on the phone. Sure, we texted a couple of times over the weekend and talked once on Saturday when he called to wish me a Merry Christmas, but we were both with our families, so we kept it brief.
But late at night, when I finally got the little ones bathed and put to bed, the kitchen cleaned and meals started for the next day, when I was so bone-tired, I could barely keep my eyes open… I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to tell me about Otto and remind me that I had a life that was different from the one in my parents’ home.
So yeah, I missed him. But now I’m back and life is good. I get him and Otto for another two months.
And this crushy business? I’ll get over it.
I follow him down the hall, stopping short when we get to my room.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, trying to peek past him and then giving up when there’s just too much Axel to see around until he steps aside. He doesn’t.
“I told you about the present that’s coming later… but I also got you something for now.” And, this time, he lets me by.
There’s a lush green potted plant sitting in the spot Stella previously occupied.
“What?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said, and I hate the idea that you’ve made something withered and dead into the equivalent of your vision board. I put Stella in a drawer, so if you need a good scare, she’s still haunting the place. But just in case you’re interested in going another way, this is Damien. He’s a pothos, or devil’s ivy. As house plants go, he’s pretty chill. Not too choosy about light. And because he’s supportive of all your endeavors, he’s cool with waiting for a drink until you’ve got time to give him one. And best of all”— he walks over and points to a Command hook adhered to the wall, then, gently, he picks up one of the vines and drapes it over —“you can watch him grow and decide on his path. Change it any time.”
My heart feels overfull, tender, and raw, and for a minute, I can’t say anything because I’m afraid my voice might give away too much.
Pulling me into his chest, he holds me through a lingering breath and then steps back with a wink. “But like I said. Stella’s still around if you need her.”
I shake my head. “I love him.”
This crush isn’t going anywhere.
Chapter 14
Axel
“Dude, what’s with the grin?” Grady asks, dropping his bag on his bed in our shared hotel room.
“Text from Nora.”
“Yeah?” He walks over with a nod. “Whatchya got, picture of Otto? Let’s see.”
“Damien. He’s grown three inches in the week since I gave him to her, and Nora added a new hook for his vine.”
He gives me a confused look and then walks back to his bed, picks up his phone, and starts thumbing away.
A few seconds later, he snorts.
I turn. “What?”
“Harlow’s out with Nettie tonight. Cocktails. When I told her you were exchanging pictures of plants with your kid’s nanny, Nettie hijacked her phone.”
Harlow is Wade Grady’s fiancée, and Nettie’s her best friend, my banker, and a pretty good friend too.
“What’d she say?”
“From Nettie… ‘Sure she didn’t send him a picture of her bush?’”
I cough and push my too-long hair back from my face. “Not like that, man.”
“Bullshit. Have you seen you? It’s exactly like that.” He holds up a hand. “Not the bush part. Or if it is, I don’t wanna know.”
He goes back to texting, ignoring the glare I’m giving him.
I turn it up a notch, adding a low growl, but he just shakes his head.
“Settle, Cro-Magnon. You’re only proving my point.”
I’m getting pissed. “What point is that?”
“You’re hot for nanny.”
Grady sits there, cool as a cucumber, while a restless energy starts to build within me, making my skin feel too tight. My muscles twitchy. “It’s not—”
“It is.” And then, after an unhurried glance, he adds, “You used to be the most even guy on the team. Now look at you. Your fists are clenched so hard the veins on your arms look like they’re about to burst.”
I immediately shake out the fists in question, grunting an apology he again waves off.
“Axe, man, you talk to her for hours almost every day. And don’t try to feed me that line about wanting Otto to hear your voice because down in Tampa, I heard her put him to bed, and instead of getting off the phone to come hang out with the guys, you asked what she wanted to watch.”
“We’re friends.”
“I know. Friends who want to bang.” He shrugs. “She’s beautiful. Funny. And gives you relentless shit. Plus, she digs your kid. Totally bangable.”
“She’s off-limits. She works for me, and Otto needs her. No way am I going to risk his relationship with the person giving him the most stability in his life because I find her attractive. There’s a line, and we’re not crossing it.”
Correction. We’re not crossing it again.
No matter how bad I might want to.
Nora
Friends.
That’s what we are. And having that affirmation playing on repeat in my head should be enough to keep me out of crushy trouble. But it’s not.
The problem is, we are friends. Maybe too good of friends.
We get along too well. Laugh too easily together. Have too many private jokes and shared secrets. We get too excited about the same things— like this little face Otto has been making for the last week and we’ve both been desperately trying to catch with our phones. When we finally got it this morning, we were so excited I somehow ended up in his arms, the hold all too reminiscent of our first kiss.
No, Nora. Our only kiss.
No more kissing.
No more thinking about kissing.
No more circling back and back again to the way Axel’s blue eyes drifted to my mouth, his fingers tightening at my waist. How I felt it deep in my center.
I swallow.
Yeah, that last bit is what finally broke me down and had me calling Caroline to confess.
As expected, she ranted and hissed. Asked me if I’d bumped my head. If I had amnesia. If sharing a bed with two of my younger siblings and working around the clock from the time I arrived on Christmas Eve day until the time I left three days later wasn’t reminder enough of why I needed to focus on building my own life.
It was.
And then, I came home to Otto and Axel and a new symbol of the life I wanted for myself. One that was vibrant and growing and, with just a little help, climbing to heights never imagined.
Which was when the crushing started to feel like something more. Like maybe I wasn’t holding it at bay quite the way I wanted to believe. And now, for the last two weeks, every time Axel walks in after a practice, a game, or a road trip, my heart starts racing like a runaway train. One that’s destined to crash.