He spoke before I could, almost as if he could read my mind. His forehead lay against mine. “I don’t mean physically. You need your space, and if that makes it easier for you to get through each day and protect the baby, that’s fine. We’ll find a nurse to look after you and make sure you are all right. But I need you to stay here with me,” he said, placing his hand against my chest. “Stay with me with your heart. Stay with me with your love, and it will be enough to bring us back together when the time is right. When you’re ready.”
“I can’t ask you to wait for me, Damian…it’s not fair.”
He let out a small laugh and shook his head. “I’ve waited my whole life for this feeling. What’s a little bit longer?”
“I love you,” I breathed out.
“I know. I love you, too. Remember what I said about love? You don’t need to be with a person to have the deepest level of love, and that’s what this is. This is love without limits. So, I’ll wait for you. This is temporary, Stella. At the end of this, we’ll be together. At the end of this, we get the happily ever after.”
Two weeks had passed since Damian and I fell into our break. I missed him more than words, but I wasn’t certain what to do about my fears. Grams stayed by my side the whole time, worrying about my soul, my spirit.
“I didn’t see it before,” she murmured one night after she came to check to make sure I was okay. “All this time, I thought you were the one who stayed. I never noticed that you were the one who was truly afraid of being left behind. I’m sorry I missed that, Stella. I’m sorry I missed how fatigued your heart had been throughout the years. Not only with your mother and Kevin, but every time one of the women left Kevin’s life, they were walking out on you, too. And the miscarriages… I’m sorry so many people left you, Stella. But please… know that Damian isn’t them. He’s one who stays. Take your time, sweetheart. Feel your feels. The sun will still come out in the morning.”
40
Damian
* * *
“Damian, hey. What are you doing here?” Connor asked, surprised when I showed up to his New York penthouse with Milo by my side. I was exhausted. My mind was spinning, and I missed Stella. I missed her before we even parted ways.
“Hey,” I choked out. I cleared my throat and narrowed my eyebrows. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I just, well, things…” My mouth felt dry, and words were hard to push out. “I’m sorry I didn’t call,” I repeated.
“You never have to call. Come in,” he said, ushering me into his home, closing the door behind him. The living space was scattered with baby stuff, and it was clear that any day now, his and Aaliyah’s lives were going to change forever. I didn’t need to be crashing into their lives at a time like this. I didn’t need to interrupt their happily ever after with my fucked-up situation.
“I’m sorry. I know Aaliyah’s due any day now. I shouldn’t have come,” I explained, moving back toward his door. “I’m sorry, Con.”
A hand landed against my shoulder. He pulled me back. “Damian. Talk to me.”
I turned to him and swallowed hard. “It’s just…”
Deep breath. Calm yourself, Damian.
I flicked my thumb against the bridge of my nose as I spoke. “I’m just kind of close to the edge right now. So, I came to find you.”
“All right.” He nodded in understanding and pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry. I got you.”
I stayed with them for a week, getting updates from Maple about Stella. Connor and Aaliyah went above and beyond, making me feel as if I wasn’t alone in the current situation, and they wrapped me so tightly in their love that I was almost certain I was going to explode.
“Everything’s going to work out in the end,” Connor said about Stella and me. “I just feel it in my gut.”
I hoped he was right.
While I was in town, I was helping Connor with some real estate properties, giving him my opinion on things. We were working at his dining room table when Aaliyah came out of the bedroom, waddling back and forth like pregnant women did from time to time. Then she stood in front of us.
“You guys,” she said.
“Yeah?” we replied in unison.
“So, my water just broke.”
“Oh fuck!” we said once more, in unison. We shot up from the table, and the three of us hurried off to the hospital. I carried Aaliyah’s hospital bag while Connor coached his wife through the contractions. Aaliyah was placed in a wheelchair once we arrived, and the nurse began to take her and Connor to the back when Aaliyah called out.
“Wait! I need Damian to come, too,” she said.
The nurse smiled. “I’m sorry. Right now, it’s just immediate family allowed in the room.”
“Don’t you see the family resemblance?” Aaliyah joked, gesturing toward me. She held her hand out in my direction, and I took it. “He’s my brother.”
I was there for it all. I held one of her hands as she pushed, and Connor held the other. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t taking in breaths as Aaliyah pushed. I didn’t even realize that I felt light-headed as it all happened. But when that baby came out and cried for the first time, I realized a breath I hadn’t even known I’d been holding in.
The staff cleaned up the baby after Connor cut the cord. They then laid the baby against Aaliyah’s chest. Tears were falling all around.
“He’s perfect,” Connor said. “You did so good, Red,” he told Aaliyah, kissing her forehead.
Aaliyah stared down at her baby, the creation of two worlds colliding into one, and she whispered his name. “Welcome to the world, Grant Damian Roe.”
I instantly stepped backward. “Damian?”
“Of course. Grant after my father figure, and Damian after his uncle,” Aaliyah explained. “Would you like to hold him?” she asked.
Fuck.
Don’t cry, Damian.
“Please,” I said, holding my arms out toward the baby. Connor placed him in my arms, and well, hell. Who knew the world could feel so light in one’s arms? I looked down into the newborn’s eyes, and I felt a wave of protection wrap around me. I knew that no matter what, I’d be there for that little guy for the rest of my life. “Welcome home, Grant Damian,” I whispered. “Welcome home.”
I stayed with Connor and Aaliyah, helping them out for a few weeks. When they had their footing, I knew it was time for me to head back to California to get back to work. “Thanks again for letting me crash.”
“Thanks again for being there for us when we needed you the most, Damian.” Connor hugged me tight, and Aaliyah did the same. I kissed Grant’s forehead and promised to see him sooner than later. Then I headed to the airport with Milo and got on a plane to return to my own reality.
41
Stella
* * *