That realization manages to make me simultaneously happy and depressed. Why didn’t I see sooner that there was the possibility of something between Bowen and me? Maybe it really is for the best, we can have our fun, and when it’s over, he’ll have an awesome boyfriend, and we’ll still be best friends like we’ve always been.
Bowen finally notices me standing here, his smile changing from the flirty one he just gave Aldis to the same, familiar, warm one he always seems to have for me.
“There you are,” he says.
“Sorry, I was resting. I handled way too much massive wood today,” I joke, and Aldis barks out a laugh.
“Sounds like you got a good warm-up.” He winks, and my stomach flutters again, this time with equal parts anticipation and nerves.
“Anybody want a drink?” I offer, crossing the kitchen to open the liquor cabinet.
“I’m good,” Aldis waves me off.
“I’ll have a little something. You know what I like,” Bowen says.
“Yeah.” My skin prickles as my heart slows to a normal rhythm. I do know what Bowen likes. I know everything about him. This is going to be fine. It’s Bowen, my best friend in the entire universe. We’re just having some fun…all three of us.
I grab the bottle of spiced rum out of the cabinet and unscrew the top, taking a swig directly from it in an attempt to quench my dry mouth. It burns my tongue and then all the way down my throat, pooling hot in my belly as I wipe the back of my hand over my mouth.
“How have you been?” Aldis asks, leaning against the counter right next to me.
How have I been? Wow, there’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one. Is there a simple way to put into words that I’m feeling confused as fuck over the fact that it took me nearly forty years to realize I might not be entirely straight? I’m strangely relieved. I’m re-examining every thought and reaction I’ve had to men throughout my life. I’m constantly looking up straight porn to check that I’m still into women and then clicking directly over to gay porn sites to be sure of that too?
“I’m cool,” I answer instead.
I can feel Aldis’s eyes on me as I pour the rum into two glasses so I can mix it with some Coke. When I look up, he’s studying me, a soft, almost understanding smile on his lips. He reaches over and puts his hand on my shoulder. It’s not a sexual or suggestive move in any way, but my body heats up anyway.
He didn’t touch me at all last time, and I didn’t particularly get the impression he wanted to. Do I want him to? I hold his gaze for entirely too long, trying to figure out the answer to that question and coming up completely short by the time Bowen nudges Aldis and asks for help carrying things over to the table.
He takes his hand off me, breaking the spell he was holding me under, and I finish mixing the drinks for Bowen and myself.
“Do you want soda or water or anything?” I ask Aldis.
“Water’s good.”
Once we’re seated at the table, our plates full, ready to dig in, a momentary awkward silence descends over us. We were getting along just fine before the hot tub, but now I’m unsure how to act with Aldis around. Thankfully, he saves me from having to stress over it for too long.
“You ever climbed at Black Canyon?” he asks.
“Once, I think I was eighteen at the time, so it’s been a fucking minute.” I take a bite of the roast Bowen made and groan. “It’s a few hours away, and with so many places closer, I just haven’t gotten back there.”
Aldis nods. “Yeah, I was actually thinking of going out there next weekend, bringing a tent, making a weekend of it.” He looks over at Bowen and then back at me. “What do you guys say? You up for a little roughing it?”
“That sounds fun. I don’t climb, but there’s some good fishing out that way. I don’t think Thorne and I have what we’ll need to camp this time of year with how chilly it gets at night, but we can definitely pick some stuff up before next weekend.” Bowen looks to me for confirmation.
A few nights out in the middle of the woods, just the three of us? My cock swells again. Has camping always felt so homoerotic, or is that only because I’ve had Bowen’s mouth on my cock now?
“Yeah, I’m in,” I agree, clearing my throat and picking up my drink to take a few gulps.
Aldis claps his hands together and grins. “Awesome. This is going to be a blast. And don’t worry about the camping gear. I have everything covered.”
We spend the rest of dinner talking about the camping trip: the terrain at Black Canyon, what the weather will likely be like, and most importantly, what the climbing is like out there. By the time we’ve finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, I’ve almost forgotten about anxiety and fear boners altogether.
Of course it all comes rushing back as soon as the three of us are staring at each other, the meal portion of the evening over, the inevitable next hanging between us heavily.
“So…” I give a strained laugh.
“How about another drink?” Aldis suggests, noticing my empty glass. “I could use one too, actually.” I jump to pour three more drinks, glad for something to do, but he puts a hand on my shoulder again to stop me. “Let me make these. You and Bowen go sit down and get comfortable.”
He squeezes my shoulder, and I abandon what I’m doing to follow Bowen into the living room like Aldis suggested.
“Wow, how does he do that?” I ask in a daze as I plop down on the couch, my best friend joining me.
He chuckles. “Fuck if I know.”
“Is he like…is this a BDSM thing or whatever?” I whisper just in case it’s a rude question. “Is he domming us? Is that the right word?”
Bowen barks out a loud laugh. “No, I think he’s just a guy who knows what he wants and his confidence is disarming.”
I nod slowly. “It really is.”
He angles his body toward me, putting one arm around the back of the couch. “Okay, so, I think you know what Aldis wants, and you know what I want. What do you want?”
I snort. “I absolutely have no clue what either you or Aldis wants. Well, except for the part where Aldis wanted me to come in here with you and let him make us drinks.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Thorney.” His voice dips low, sending goosebumps skittering over my skin as he holds my gaze with an intensity I haven’t seen from him before. “What do you want?”
“I want…” I lick my lips, trying to organize my thoughts to sort out all of my fears, curiosities, and actual desires. “I want to explore whatever all this is. But I don’t know how to do any of this,” I confess, making the bold move of reaching for my best friend’s hand.
“You don’t have to know,” Aldis says, coming into the living room with the three glasses. “All you have to do is trust us.”
Bowen squeezes my fingers and nods in agreement.
“Okay.” I take the drink Aldis offers and gulp half of it down in one go. “What are we doing tonight then?”
Aldis takes a seat in the easy chair next to the couch, crossing his legs so his ankle is over his knee, and sips his own drink slowly. “In the hot tub, you asked about frotting.”