“You did everything you could,” she whispers. “And when you could no longer protect me, you gave me a safe place to escape to.”
Lowering my head, I soak in the feel of her in my arms. “Safe place?”
JJ pulls back, and placing her hands on the sides of my neck, she looks deep into my eyes until I feel her between the pieces of what’s left of my soul. “You kept eye contact with me. It protected me from… what was happening.”
Unable to believe her, I shake my head. “I saw what it was doing to you.”
Her hands move up to my jaw, her thumbs brushing through my stubble. “It would’ve been so much worse without you there.”
Hearing I made a difference for JJ, some of the guilt starts to retreat, but then the fact that it doesn’t change anything makes it all flood back. “I still just stood there.”
“Daniel.” It happens slowly, like a dream unfolding. I see the way she used to look at me, as if I’m a God, and I realize it wasn’t just respect that put that look in her eyes. It was love. “They would’ve killed you, and once they were done with me, they would’ve killed me too. You know this.”
Shaking my head, I argue, “The bust would’ve gone down. I could’ve tried to keep them away from you.”
A pained expression flutters over her beautiful features. “We didn’t know what time the Bregu brothers would’ve landed. It could’ve taken another ten hours. We didn’t know. You did what you had to do to stay alive. So you could keep me alive.”
We didn’t know.
I stare at the woman who’s so much stronger than I ever gave her credit for. So much stronger than me. Christ, she’s a force of nature.
We didn’t know.
I had to keep her alive… no matter what.
After reeling for so long, I need to make sure. “You were really okay… being intimate with me?”
The corner of her mouth twitches. “More than you’ll ever know.”
The doubt lessens a bit. “You didn’t feel forced when I fucked you?”
There’s a spark of life in the brilliant blue of her eyes. “Not at all.”
It really starts to sink in. JJ never felt like I raped her.
Jesus H Christ.
Air whooshes from my lungs, and it has her leaning closer to me, her hands still on my jaw. “You didn’t rape me, Daniel. I enjoyed every second of having you inside me.”
Fuck.
JJ’s eyes fill with tears, her voice strained as she gives my demons a death blow, “What happened on that yacht was done to us. We had to do whatever we could to survive so they would face justice. The Bregu syndicate is behind bars. We have a solid case against them. You’ve saved so many lives, Daniel. I need you to realize that. All those girls in the brothels and massage parlors have been rescued. The syndicate will never hurt anyone again.”
I can only nod to show her I understand. Emotions overwhelm me, and engulfing JJ in my arms, I yank her hard against my chest, my face finding her neck. My body shudders, the relief so fucking intense I’m a second away from crying like a fucking baby.
It takes a fucking long moment to regain my control. A lot is still unclear between us, but the reprieve of the guilt lessening is so fucking welcome.
Taking a deep breath of her soft scent, my lungs expand like they haven’t expanded in months. The amount of air seeping into my veins makes me lightheaded. A rush, unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
Pushing JJ back, I frame her face, my eyes drinking in the sight of her.
She’s alive.
She survived.
My chest moves faster as the breaths race over my lips, and everything shifts inside of me. Pieces fall back into place, and strength returns to my soul.
Regretting I wasn’t there for JJ is the only thing that remains, and it has me asking, “How are you coping?”
She shakes her head, the light dimming in her eyes again. “I’m not.” Her chin trembles, and it takes a swing at my heart. “You’re the only thing keeping me standing. I wish you’d see that.”
I do. I’m sorry it took me so long.
I’m gutted for a whole new reason. I might not have failed JJ on the yacht, according to her, but I sure as fuck failed her afterward.
She’s been so fucking strong, fighting to get back to me, and I’ve been so fucking stupid. But how the fuck was I supposed to know?
Maybe if you had stopped for one second, stopped being a coward and faced her, you would’ve known, you stupid, dumb fuck!
My eyes flit over every inch of her face, my regret spilling over my lips, “I’m so fucking sorry I left you to fight this on your own.” Shaking my head hard, there’s absolute resolution in my voice as I promise, “I won’t fail you again.”
“I just need you,” she whimpers, the strength it’s taken her to fight for me falls away, and vulnerability remains in its place.
“You’ve got me.” I hold her against me again and pepper kisses over her temple and hair. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m never leaving you alone again.”
A sob shudders from her, and placing her arms around my neck, JJ buries her face against my neck and cries. She lets go of the restraint it took to remain standing and breaks in my arms.
“I’ve got you, baby,” I promise.
When she manages to regain some control over her emotions, she hiccups, “Don’t you ever shut down on me again.”
“I won’t.” I push her back so I can see her beautiful face, my eyes unable to get enough of her. “I did what I thought was best for you. I… it fucking killed me thinking I raped you.”
Her red-rimmed eyes plead with mine. “You understand you didn’t, right?”
Nodding, I let out a tired breath. Christ, the past two months were absolute hell. “I missed you so fucking much.”
JJ’s eyebrows draw together, hope trickling back into her eyes, and making them shine like pools of water in sunlight.
“Will you come back to organized crime?” she asks.
The corner of my mouth twitches. “Eventually.”
“Will you go for counseling?”
The smile grows as I shake my head. “You’re all the counseling I need.”
Her teeth tug at her bottom lip, then she asks, “Will you be my partner again?”
My eyes lock on hers, this woman who went through hell for me, defeated my demons and restored my soul. “You still want me as your partner?”
Her head bobs up and down. “Please.”
“On one condition,” I murmur, the reality of what’s happened chasing the last of the ghosts swirling around me away.
“Anything.”
“Tell me how you feel about me, and this time add my name.”
For a moment, all emotion drains from JJ’s face, then slowly, her breathing starts to speed up as absolute love softens her features. “I love you, Daniel O’Brien.”
Staring deep into her eyes, I wonder how the fuck I never saw it. I stare until a nervous expression flutters over her face, and that bottom lip of hers gets tortured by her teeth.
“Fuck, we’ve wasted so much time,” I whisper, thinking she could’ve been mine a year ago.