Her shortness served as a spark. “You know what, Jersey…” I stormed over to where she stood and leaned into her space. “It’s not like you have it figured out either.” My words must have hit a nerve, because she swallowed audibly but didn’t respond. “All I know is whatever happened earlier had you throwing up your hands and claiming you were done. No explanation—”
“Why do you need an explanation?” she said, cutting me off. “We had a fling, and it’s run its course!”
“Bullshit. I’m not done.”
“Well, I am. This…” One of her hands slapped the thin T-shirt fabric over her breasts. “This crap that I’m feeling… well, I don’t like it. I’ve purposely avoided relationships for this very reason. It’s changing me… and I don’t like the person I’m becoming.”
I had no idea how to respond to that. I had no words to placate her issue or negate it. I simply didn’t know what to say. And she took my lack of a response to her advantage, yet again.
“Nate, I’m exhausted.”
When she moved toward the door, before her hand gripped the knob, I blurted out, “I’m feeling crap of my own too, Jersey.” The way she paused to look at me meant she didn’t buy it. “I am, and I have just as much reason to avoid relationships as you do… maybe even more of a reason. It’s all bullshit, and more times than not, it turns people into nasty versions of themselves.” As was proven with our behavior this entire night. But I kept that to myself. “Still, even believing all that, I’m not running away like you. I’m not using all my issues as an excuse.” Although I should have been. I should’ve done what I had so many times in my past: took it for all it was worth and called it a day. But nope… I had to pull on a loose thread and make things worse by admitting, “I like what we have.”
My words hadn’t resonated the way I wanted them to when she sighed and said, “What we had was good sex, and you can get that anytime you want.”
“I want it with you,” instinctively flew out of my mouth.
“Why?”
“Because I care about you!” Her mouth gaped while mine clamped shut. I think I was more shocked at my admission than she had been. But the damage was done, and there was nothing more to do than to own it. “I have no idea why it’s you I want. You’re a pain in my ass, and I resent you for making me feel, for making me confused. Doesn’t mean I’m ready to walk away.”
When she moved back to the couch and sat, I followed. When she stared at me, looking defeated, I stared back determinedly.
“Why can’t we be confused together?” I lifted her hand and kissed it before adding with a smirk, “While still enjoying the fantastic sex?”
Her lips quirked. “Always back to that. Be honest—you’re really here because you’re horny.”
I pretended to be affronted. “No.”
She narrowed her gaze. “Uh-huh. Then you won’t mind continuing this enlightening conversation tomorrow and leaving so we both can get some sleep?”
“Not at all, provided we do continue it. You don’t get to call the shots alone. Just like we both agreed to the terms going in, we’ll both agree to where we go from here.” I cupped her face. “Okay?”
Her immediate “Okay” shocked me, but I took it as a good sign.
Leaning in, I planted a soft kiss on her cheek before standing. What I was about to do would mean a long night for me, but it needed to be done to prove her wrong. “To be continued, Jersey,” I said, and let myself out.
I may have appeared to be confident, sure of what I wanted. That was the furthest thing from the truth.
Despite what he said about deciding our fate together, while locking the dead bolt behind him, I truly wondered when or if I’d see him again.
Admitting to something so personal, that I only just realized myself, was a risk… especially with someone like Nate. And along with giving him an out to end our thing, as I had at his parents’ house, it could further instigate our demise.
Yet I didn’t regret it, since that could’ve been the reason why he had professed caring about me. That declaration was huge. It also could’ve been why he so easily walked away after having shown up here in the middle of the night. We both declared some heavy things, leaving ourselves vulnerable. Leaving me with even more questions. Life was so much simpler when two people shared a purely physical connection and nothing more.
No sooner had I resigned myself to having a sleepless night than a knock sounded on my door. I eased it open, prepared for him to have come to his senses and unleash a string of reasons why he was also done. But he said nothing as he stared at me intently before placing both hands on my face to kiss me long and hard.
All the anxiety I’d held since our fight earlier dissipated. The longer he kissed me, the more I became lost in Nate Navarro. At that moment, every part of me knew walking away either now or later wouldn’t make a lick of difference… because the man got under my skin. Damage done.
I was falling for him.
Who was I kidding? I already had, and that scared me to death.
Once he pulled back and stared into my eyes, I asked, “What was that for?”
“I needed to properly kiss you good night, Jersey.” His eyes lasered through mine before he leaned closer for one more soft kiss. But when he released my face and turned to leave, those words held a finality that scared me more than loving him did.
Impulsively, I lunged to grab the back of his dress shirt. While glancing over his shoulder at me, one brow rose.
“Stay.” If this was it for us, then I needed to be with him one last time.
That one word caught his attention, and he turned to face me. “You do realize that would make it too tempting to fuck you?”
“I know.” I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I need us to be on familiar ground.”
His arms circled me in the same way, and he looked down at me with amusement making his handsome face even more handsome. “That familiar ground being sex?”
“It’s what we do,” I conceded with a shrug. It was the truth. Clearly we sucked at the other stuff, but maybe connecting in a way we were so very good at would help us figure this out… or make it worse. Then again, how much worse could it get? The entire drive back from Long Island had me feeling like a knife protruded from my chest.
Nate admitting to being confused himself, and then coming back after he had left gave me a sliver of hope, lessening the pain a tad. I had no idea where that would lead, but just knowing it existed for both of us was enough… for now.
With a firm nod, he broke away to take my hand in his and tug me back into the apartment. No other words were spoken as I locked the door before turning to face him. I waited expectantly. Would he push me up against the door? Would he take me on the kitchen island, bend me over a table? Tonight, I needed the domineering Nate to get us back on track more than I needed my next breath.
But neither occurred, and instead he wordlessly led me down the hall to my bedroom.
My stomach flipped, wondering if sweet and tender was what he wanted. That wouldn’t help my predicament. In fact, the last time we had been together it had been just that way, love making and not raw sex. That night had also set me on the emotional path I found myself on now. But again… damage done. It was no longer about avoiding the hurt; it was now about managing it. Eventually, it would have to come. Until then, and knowing Jade was right in that Nate was also confused, I was willing to slap a bandage on the wound as temporary relief.